why cant i relax & just trust him?
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| Mon, 11-26-2007 - 6:06am |
hi my favorite board. here i am, back for your precious advice...
over a month ago i met on a dating site a great guy- sweet, funny, smart, cool, relaxed, genuinly interested in me. he is 35, been a year since he broke up after 4yrs relationship. the reason was that they finally moved in together and saw how different they are..
it took me a month though to finally accept a date - only when i saw that he stays always in touch, that he really wants to get to know me, etc, etc. i said "why not?". we met and in person i totally liked him - besides his personality that i already thought was great, i loved his appearance (didnt like him on a picture before). we had 3 dates in 2 weeks. each time i liked him more and more. wa talked, shared our views, experiences, knowledge - i gave him a drawing lesson while he explained me the basics of photographie....
last week he was on a business trip so we didnt meet. and in a week he is leaving with his friend for a month long vacation...
and i stress now...so silly. i stress that he doesnt call me or write me daily since a week. coz its been 3 days since we last talked. coz in a week he will be gone without any (?)

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The timing isn't the greatest obviously but you've only seen him a few times - you're projecting alot of need and desire on him that is more about you, not him since the two of you don't know each other that well. So chill, live your life... do other things when you start obsessing
Say that while you hope he has a great time and brings back lots of pix and good stories you feel it would be nice if there was a way to keep in touch a little.
we havent yet discussed what will happen next week. he just promised to give me a book to read before he leaves coz he really likes it and recommended. I havent written him since Friday and just sort of stand back and wait for him to look for me.
especially given the way i feel right now about him i prefer to see that he cares. When he returns i will be gone myself for my own vacation. Sooo.. Basically we will meet when i will be back (a week later than him..)
what to do??? i dont want to lose him without really having to get to know him..although - its his call huh
ok he just wrote on MSN. said that at work lots of pressure coz he will be gone in a week. explains why he cant chat to me during work hours. ouuffff
he didnt ask me out though yet..grrrr
i like your idea. u think he will not take it as a screaming "im so into you" message? yday on msn i saw that he cares still coz he was asking me all about my past week, promised lots of pictures from his upcoming trip, etc.
i guess i could...
you are right. its important to keep eyes wide open and not to fall into the trap "he is so sweet". we all are sweet and nice at the beginning of the relationship, with our "best foot forward"....
and i can completely relate to your experience with that guy...my ex was a bit like that. its was up to me to adjust most of the time to his demands, expectations, life, schedule, it was me who didnt appreciate wonderful poor him.
hell with those who make us cry! i know for sure that i want to be with someone who will do all just to be with me, who will never make me doubt his feelings, who will love and appreciate me. so i will give this guy
You sound like you have your act together lady...hehehe.
i just do not get men. when you are cold and not interested they run like puppies after you. when you relax and just want to be urself, when you show ur interest to them in return they cool off and stop the 'hunt'. this guy would chase me for a month before i accepted to meet him and now i sit and wonder if he still cares...
or another guy - i saw how much interested he was in me and told him that i do not feel that way about him. he STILL calls me and wants to hang out and do things together. to 'just be around me'. i wonder if i fall in love with him will he change as well. i can bet my money on 'yes'.
my best friend says that you should never show them that you are 'caught', that you really like them. that you should at times 'forget' to call back, not reply to his call or message, refuse/postpone dates. this is when he will always stay on alert and not lose his interest.
by nature i rarely fall in love or really like someone. but when i do my real caring self comes out who is chatty, available for people i love, bla bla. is that too much to handle for a guy?? or should i play that game to keep him 'on the hook'??
take this guy - i told myself 'he is leaving and if i disappear and not show my feelings towards him it all will die out'. so i'm around! but somehow now he is not in a rush to talk to me, to see me, to hang out...what on earth is wrong with them?? or is it me?? grrr
i feel like showing him my bitchy side and sit back and wait for some action without ever proposing myself to meet and to move things forward...
If you play "games" with people, you will attract people that "play games". Do you want this guy to play you...not call you back, postpone dates just because he wants to see how interested you are? I don't think you would care for that too much. Games have no business in an mature adult honest relationship.
If you keep picking guys that do the same thing to you, the common denominator in this is you. What kind of signals are you giving? Like attracts like.
You need to realize that if you have a full life for yourself, there will be no need to play games... "forget" to call or anything like that. If you have a full life of your own, then if they call and you have something else going on then you tell them I have other plans and suggest another time, you don't lie about, if they call and you want to talk to them you pick up the phone, if not then don't, but don't do it just to test someone, do it because you do have a life that does not revolve around them.
You haven't known this guy long, he has a life of his own and it is way too early to think that you are a priority in his life, just as he shouldn't be one in yours.
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