why cant i relax & just trust him?
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| Mon, 11-26-2007 - 6:06am |
hi my favorite board. here i am, back for your precious advice...
over a month ago i met on a dating site a great guy- sweet, funny, smart, cool, relaxed, genuinly interested in me. he is 35, been a year since he broke up after 4yrs relationship. the reason was that they finally moved in together and saw how different they are..
it took me a month though to finally accept a date - only when i saw that he stays always in touch, that he really wants to get to know me, etc, etc. i said "why not?". we met and in person i totally liked him - besides his personality that i already thought was great, i loved his appearance (didnt like him on a picture before). we had 3 dates in 2 weeks. each time i liked him more and more. wa talked, shared our views, experiences, knowledge - i gave him a drawing lesson while he explained me the basics of photographie....
last week he was on a business trip so we didnt meet. and in a week he is leaving with his friend for a month long vacation...
and i stress now...so silly. i stress that he doesnt call me or write me daily since a week. coz its been 3 days since we last talked. coz in a week he will be gone without any (?)

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thank you for your reply. i'm glad to hear that games is not a good solution.
"You haven't known this guy long, he has a life of his own and it is way too early to think that you are a priority in his life, just as he shouldn't be one in yours." Fully agree and i guess this is what i needed to hear.
Coz this is my problem. I have a pretty much full life but once i like someone i put them on the top of my priorities. For example, i know that this guy is leaving soon so i refused all hang outs with my friends this friday and saturday hoping that i can see him before he leaves. How silly huh? I just did not want to committ with my friends and then cancel last minute...I have plan B for both days in case he doesnt appear (gym+shopping)
So it is silly to worry that he doesnt write me daily so far? Or that we might not meet up at all until he leaves (on his initiative)? Coz right now i do not feel like inviting him anywhere myself...
I guess i worry that once i will be back in town on 8th january all feelings (his but mine as well...) will be gone and the moment will be lost. hm, complicated...
You shouldn't refuse your friends hoping he will see you.... Don't put your life on hold for him or anyone else.... Life is meant to be lived. It's your life, live it for yourself not for someone else.
If you don't feel comfortable asking to see him for a few minutes before he leaves then don't , just continue on with your life just like before you met him. If you want to call him before he leaves, tell him you hope he has a good time on his vacation.
Hon... if he is interested 1 month is not going to make a difference. If a guy wants to see you or is interested he is not going to forget about you. If its meant to be it will be.. Good luck.
:) thank you..... i do feel better and realise that i stress over nothing. created drama in my head and freak out. pfff...
i guess i need to learn to be more patient and hold myself from getting into "he is so great, i want to be with him" mode too soon.
once again, thank you and thank you to the board members for the continious support. i do hope to revert soon with good news :)
yep, he might not be the right one. funny how at the beginning they are jumping over their own head (one our last date he came on the bike - over 1h ride on a frosty day-coz we had transportation strike) and then he is too busy for a small talk (this morning when i finally wrote him on a chat to check if he is ok). ok-it might still be that he is super busy at work on his last days before he closes the year and the month (he is financial controller) or that he is really excited about the trip and forgot all the world around him. fine. but my life goes on too...
so after this board discussion i changed my priorities and went out yday with friends and had a blast. and tonight going for dinner with my "gang". and tomorrow i got girls shopping and then theater. and sunday i got a date with another guy after my salsa class - we will go check out x-mas decoration downtown. so im asking myself if i really lost the case with that guy. possible... but i would rather let him move his butt and show me he still cares. that he is still excited over the idea that he met me.
i didnt like the fact that he cut our discussion short this morning. so i changed my mind over initiating things myself. will sit back and watch him worry about our date. i can still squeeze him into my day tomorrow or monday. if not - let him leave on Wed and look for me once im back in January...
hm, frustrating - yes. but im tired of worrying over this...
ouf, your posts came at the perfect moment. here i am staring at my screen and feeling unhappy coz he is leaving tomorrow and he still hasnt contacted me (i havent written him since last friday chat) :(
u r SOO right. i know i need to shake of this feeling and just go on. i read Snafu's article on chemistry and felt even worse. coz i just dont get why i got so much into him. that chemistry that i havent felt for ages for anyone. i want to get to know him, i like his maturity, his looks, his way of being, we have so much in common (at some point we were even joking that one of us is being a copy cat-our hobbies, interests in life, experiences, even little silly habits..) I ask myself how can i be so silly of feeling that way if i barely know him, if i never even kissed him, if he never even held my hand!!!
He was so into me and now i sit and wonder why for a whole week he has never initiated a talk or written me. And i still wonder if i should send him 'bon voyage" email before i leave work tonight. Should i??
i will let go and i will give him space and watch if he comes back. Its just the knowing that he is leaving in 24h and the fear to lose it. Silly, silly.
:(
I can understand your feelings and pride. Still, I think given the time that will pass between you - it doesn't hurt to send a bon voyage message if that is what you wish.
Either way you will find out more only when you guys are back in the same place in a month.
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