Why cant we just be friends...dam

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Why cant we just be friends...dam
7
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:49am
How do i do it? Why cant me and some women just be friends, not lovers. Why cant they accept to just be my friend than lover. Its driving me crazy. I can invite 1 or 2 too my place sometimes to watch a movie and have a few drinks. One of them can be on the love seat, while im on the sofa. She then wants to lay down next to me with her head on my shoulder or my lap. I dont want to be rude so i let it be, but i dont touch them or anything in return. I just want to be friends

I have to call them to hang out. They dont call me that much anymore when i bring up the friendship. When i do call 1, 2 or a few more to go hang out, they assume that i want to bed them........so they jump to this conclusion. When they find out, they get all crazy with me and throw a fit. I just wanted to HANG OUT!!!!!!!!!


Edited 8/17/2004 2:02 am ET ET by alpha_male

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 5:08am
Is there not just ONE woman in your life who KNOWS she's just a friend to you? Someone who sees you, knows how you 'operate' and you can talk honestly about what it is that you do to give so many women the wrong idea? Coz there has to be something you don't know you're doing that is sending women mixed signals and you're leaving a trail of destruction in your wake.

One thing I can say, if you really only wanna be friends, make them keep to their own seat and not use you as a seat. 'Just friends' don't touch like that, so don't let 'em touch.

Gonna answer your other post now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 5:59am
**I have to call them to hang out. They dont call me that much anymore when I bring up the friendship. When I do call 1, 2 or a few more to go hang out, they assume that I want to bed them........so they jump to this conclusion. When they find out, they get all crazy with me and throw a fit. I just wanted to HANG OUT!!!!!!! ***

wow... I guess I'm not alone..... :)

I have the same problem with men I want to

"just" be friends with.

you sound to me like a man that is either "very"

attractive, sweet, strong, sexy and

Very "easy" to be comfortable with...... so "emotionally"

a woman or the women you know, are attracted to you on

a much open and stronger level, and "want" to have

You as a "mate" or "comfortable sex" partner.........

if most your conversations "lead" or ride on a view of

"relationships" that implies sexual closeness or being

"a couple" .... it CAN give the impression of "YOU"

Wanting the "SAME" thing they want.

your attraction to them as good looking "friends"

"sexy ladies"and good company, Can also mean to them,

that you want them as a partner, when you call.

a single man that is JUST dating and having fun with

SINGLE women that want more

Should stay "away" from women that (he knows)

don't just want to hang out.

They simply don't see you as a hang out "Buddy".

I have a male friend that would jump

at the opportunity to bed me,

if I just said "okay"... :)

BUT... I don't "want" to,

"I" want to keep him as a friend.... I'm annoyed

when he keeps suggesting that we do it everytime

i call to spend some time with him, and he's Confused

when i "call," and all I want to do is sit and

watch a movie with him.....

no matter how much i laugh it off

that he's just horny, and needs to get out more.

He still want me..... so coming out and flat out

telling him "it will never happen"

Risks me loosing him as my "friend"

and hurting his fillings.

but ... something's JUST must be said and

made firm so no one gets hurt In the

long run...try as gently as you can

to make this CLEAR...And explain how

much you value them and "want"

to hold on to a FRIENDSHIP.

I hope this helps...... :)

Take care.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:02am
Okay, these women taht you claim you want friendship with and to hang out with....what common interests, values, beliefs, and goals do you share, that you can individually pursue for personal reasons and needs -that in the journey of individual accomplishment your friendship adds motivation and encouragement and enhancement to.

I personally think that you're wanting to hang out with hot babes -and you're a hottie yourself. And they throw themselves at you - you think they want a relationship. They really just want sex...when they can't get sex, they move on.

And there is nothing in common between you all as a group. Acquaintences are different than "frriends".

Acquainttences become friends with shared interests, perceptions, goals, and beliefs.

Have you got any friends.....or are all these people you meet when you hang out at bars, etc.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:03am
I've said it to you before but you keep asking the same question, so I'll say it again. You need to set and stick to your boundaries with these women, and make it CLEAR that you are only interested in them as platonic friends. Let them know when you meet them that that's what you're offering. Allowing them to put their head on your lap sends mixed signals; stop doing that.

However, you need to realize that not every woman you meet will be ok with just being friends with you. This is something you just need to accept and deal with.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:29am
If you want to be friends with women then DON"T invite them to your place for drinks or to watch a movie. Why "invite" the unvited? Hang out outside of your place or go to movie theaters, have dinner or go bowling or play golf. You're sending the wrong message by taking them to your place and letting them lay down next to you and allowing them to put their head on your shoulder or your lap, what do you think this is going to let them think? If you meet a woman let her know that you're looking for friendship ONLY so there won't be misunderstandings on either part and don't take them to your place.

Each time you write about the same issue it's reading about how you like to tease women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:30pm
Yeah, I definetely think you ARE sending out the wrong signals. I agree with the not inviting them to your place, and NOT allowing them to put their head in your lap! Until you have known these women for a while and know their intentions, you're setting things up for failure. The longer you just "hang out" with a woman, don't flirt with her, don't talk about sexual things and just try to have fun- the more she will be able to see YOUR intentions of just being friends.

My question here is: why are you so adamant to find female friends?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:44pm
I dont think im throwing them mixed signals. I do make it clear that i just want to be friends. Most of the time when i invite to my house, 99.9% of the time its 2 or 3 and they are friends. I only invited 1 one time and that was years ago, and i let her know, because she was aggressive. When i told her NO, she got upset and left. To this day she is a very good friend though, and we still hang out.

I dont tease them. I like women friends because for some reason, i like the drama...LOL

They tell me there problems, but most of the time i tell them i dont wanna hear it. I dont do bars, so meet women at the supermarket, starbucks, clubs ( dont do bars ) and the gym. I do not talk about sex with these women, but they do all the time with me, but i quickly change the subject but they seem to not understand?