Why did he blow me off after this?
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Why did he blow me off after this?
| Sun, 02-12-2006 - 4:16pm |
I met this guy on Superbowl Sunday & we were immediatly attracted to one another & ended up having a great conversation so good that he & his friends came up to another place my friends & I went to. We talked for the rest of the night. He called Monday & Tuesday & we had more great conversations. I went out Thursday with my friends and I called him to invite him to where I was going but he had his plans with his friends. Friday monring he sent me a text asking if I had a good time the night before & he said he would have had a better time if he saw me. Then he asked what I was doing on Friday night. I told him I was going to a popular place for happy hour with my girlfriends & he said he was too. Well, he shows up by himself & waits in a 30 minute line to see me. We flirted & talked more and then he had to leave to meet his friends & I left to go somewhere else with mine. At the end of the night my friends & I went to another place & I lost my friends & then ran into him there. At this point I was tipsy but so was he. So we went back to his place & hung out...he showed me all the work he is doing on the house etc. We kissed & ended up in his bed but we didn't have sex. I woke up yesterday with just my underwear on. I was a little mad that it got that far but that's what alcohol does to you. He drives me to his truck, I drive it back to his house, then he drives me to my car & tells me to follow him for breakfast. So I did. He asks me for a kiss goodbye & then says thank you for the wonderful night.
I was feeling weird about the make out session the night before with no clothes so I sent him a text & told him I had a good time the night before & I hoped he didn't think anything werid & that I wanted to get to know him better before we jump into bed. I was hoping for a little reassurance. He never answered me!!
He called me at 3am this morning & asked me to take a cab to his house. I asked him if he got my text & he said he did & that he's busy with working on his house & his friends and whatever. I almost felt like he broke up with me & I just met him!! I was really shocked. I told him I wasn't coming over & I'm not into casual sex. Then he tells me the next relationship he gets into will be with the girl he's going to marry. What's going on here? Did he say this b/c I didn't have sex & that's what he's looking for or did he say it b/c I took my clothes off the night before and he looking at that in a negetive way?
I was feeling weird about the make out session the night before with no clothes so I sent him a text & told him I had a good time the night before & I hoped he didn't think anything werid & that I wanted to get to know him better before we jump into bed. I was hoping for a little reassurance. He never answered me!!
He called me at 3am this morning & asked me to take a cab to his house. I asked him if he got my text & he said he did & that he's busy with working on his house & his friends and whatever. I almost felt like he broke up with me & I just met him!! I was really shocked. I told him I wasn't coming over & I'm not into casual sex. Then he tells me the next relationship he gets into will be with the girl he's going to marry. What's going on here? Did he say this b/c I didn't have sex & that's what he's looking for or did he say it b/c I took my clothes off the night before and he looking at that in a negetive way?

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I'm sorry to say, but it seems to me, that he looked at taking off your clothes in a negative way. You may have told him you weren't into casual sex, and even though you didn't actually have sex with him, you still set the tone of the relationship. Some men say they are looking for a relationship and will try their damndest to have sex, but when they get it (or the second best of getting naked and foreplay), they don't trust the girl anymore. They suddenly don't think of them as marriage material. They start to wonder, "if she got with me so fast, then I wonder how many other guys she's been with?" It's a double standard, I know, but it is a double standard we all have to live with.
Many times the same thing has happened to me and I was heartbroken, because the guy never called me again. Now I make sure the guy is my bf and we are exclusive before doing anything with them. I know it sounds old fashioned and it takes me a lot longer to find out if me and dear bf are compatible, but it weeds out the users.
Hope this helps and I hope I didn't offend you in any way. A lot of women make these mistakes and I definately made my share of falling for "too much too soon".
I would read it that he's feeding you a line so you'll sleep with him. Time to "next" this guy, I'd say.
Sheri
He sounds a bit like a jerk...who calls someone they barely know at 3am unless it's a booty call?
If he saw you in a negative light just because you took off your clothes, then he needs to grow up (we're all consenting adults here, no?). And then deciding to lure you over during wee hours of the night because of that?......um...no.
The more I thought about it I know the guy is a jerk. He knew I had a lot to drink & I think he was looking to just hook up. I barely remember kissing him which is scary enough. I just needed a safe place to go & sleep after a long night out. Thats it.
He could do this all the time as well so I don't care what he thinks about me...he doesn't know me at all.
My guess is that you got tipsy, you took your clothes off, did whatever with him and afterwards started to back-track explaining that you aren't going to have sex with him. You sent some serious mixed signals.
My suggestion for next time is to stay more sober and keep your clothes firmly attached to your body so nobody gets the wrong idea.
Look, you set yourself up for this.
You don't know the guy from Adam, and you were in his bed in your underwear after a serious make out session.
What you do with other people - it your 'standard behavior"...as far as he's concerned yourself extremely comfortable with casual sex, and he's delighted to have found someone that is....becuase he doesn't want to date - he wants to hang out and hook up.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
It sounds like he was looking for a booty call with his 3 am call and based on your previous encounter, he figured you'd be up for it. This guy claims that he wants the next girl he dates to be the girl he marries. Well, he's not asking you for a date, he's asking you for a hook up so that should be a clue. Guys are not going to turn down sex, FWB or booty calls with a girl even if they are eventually looking for something serious with someone else. Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh here, but that's my opinion of it.
Also, yes, this guy is a bit of a jerk for taking advantage of the situation, but you MUST accept responsibility for your actions. Being drunk is not an excuse and you can't blame him completely. You put yourself in the situation and even though your logic might have been clouded due to alcohol, you still made the decision to go home with him, make out with him and take off your clothes in his bed. You didn't know him very well and you put yourself in a potentially VERY dangerous situation. But you put yourself there, he didn't force you to go home with him or to do any of these things. Be more careful next time - have some kind of back up plan with your friends if you get separated or better yet, just don't allow yourself to get separated. If you do, get a taxi home alone. Better than getting into a situation that you'll regret later.
On that though, stop beating yourself up over it! You messed up. Learn from it and move on. Everyone's done stupid stuff in their lives and the best thing to do is to take it for life experience and not do it again.
It's a shame it had to come for you at the expense of a guy you liked, but if he thinks of you that way based on this one time, he needs to take a look at himself too as he's a bit of a hypocrite. It's not ALL your fault but a shared responsibility to be accountable for your actions.
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