Why did he lie about his age?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Why did he lie about his age?!
6
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 3:14pm
I met a wonderful man online. He is one of the top neurosurgeons in the east coast, and he is obviously famous and busy. Before we met, he said he was 41. Ok, I wasn't really ready to date someone who is over 40..., but I gave it a try. We met a few weeks later after we exchanged a couple of emails. He is young looking, handsome man. After I saw him twice, I found he is very attractive. When I searched his name on the internet, his name appeared in the various news articles, and I found out that he maybe over 50 at this moment. Now that I am freaked out because he is as old as my dad! Although I do not regret that we slept together at the third date, I am shocked to know that he actually "lied" about his age and is 51 years old. I am not sure what he wants from this relationship, but I am 80% sure that I want a serious commitment from this relationship. The fact that he lied about his age from the first place makes me think that he only seeks somewhat casual relationship with me.

I am 27 years old by the way..

Is it a good idea for me to ask him why he lied about his age and that makes me think he only seeks casual fling with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 4:10pm
He lied about his age because he didn't think that he could get a younger woman to look at him if he was honest. He lied because he doesn't feel good about how old he is and is in denial about being middled aged...even 'older'? Is that attractive...someone insecure about his age? If he lied about something so simple, what else has he lied about? That white lie is enough for me to be rid of him.

You met him online...what did he say he was looking for? What did you say that you were looking for? You are young enough to want to have a family someday...and he is old enough to think that he's too old to have a family...even if you get married in two and have a baby in three...he'll be 73 when number one graduates from high school? Have you seen Tony Randall?? So he fathered a baby in his later years...but do you want to be married to someone (probably dealing with infirmities) when you're still in your prime?? It's one thing when you're both old and infirm...but when there's a 20 year gap...and only one of you is old...you have to think on that. You'll very likely be a young widow.

I would start talking to him about what you want out of life and see what he wants and see where the conversation goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 4:13pm
I do not date men who lie about their age. period, end of story. I am a little concerned that you are so dazzled by him just because he is wealthy, famous and successful. You have no idea whether he has compatible values, and now you know he's a liar. Just tell him you are no longer interested in meeting him and if he asks why, tell him it is because you realize he lied about his age, and you now know you would have nothing in common because you don't lie in that way and you can't trust someone who would lie like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 5:26pm
"I met a wonderful man online. He is one of the top neurosurgeons in the east coast, and he is obviously famous and busy."

being a top neurosurgeon doesn't mean he's a top man or human being. just because he has a good income or skill doesn't mean he's good on the inside. you aren't dating his job or coworkers, you're dating HIM. look at him for what he is so far...

essentially he's lying about his age so he can get younger women... apparently his personality and character isn't good enough...

or maybe he's hoping you're so impressed by his status that anything else he does won't matter....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 5:51pm
Number one, where did you find out his true age? How do you know the article was correct? Maybe they had his age wrong?

The only way to resolve this is ask him. Say you saw an article about his work and it said he was much older than he told you he was. Ask him pointed questions and see if you can get proof of his age, maybe ask him to see his drivers license just to ease your mind (don't sneak in his wallet, ask him).

Also, how much do you really know about this guy. Are you sure he is who he says he is? Perhaps he's just using this surgeon's name and in lying, didn't know the guys true age so he made it up. So maybe this guy is 41 but using a fake name to impress you.

My advice is get the facts about his identity and his age.

And it's too soon to want a committment from this guy. Keep your feet on the ground. You want to really know a person to want that, and that takes months and months (unless the person is very one-sided).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 12:27pm
Sounds to me like you know the answer already. First off I have been in the same situation. Although I am a bit older(by 20 yrs) she had me fooled about her age by the same as you. I thought she was a bit over 50 and it turned out she was three years from collectiing social security. Ok in my case there were circumstances other than yours but I have to just ask you "If he lies about age,what else does he lie about?" Could he be involved with more than one woman or worse? I would suggest you do as you should in all these situations. Follow you gut and your heart and ask the questions about anything that you feel even the least bit uncomfortable with. I wish you well,sounds like you know what you need to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 4:22pm
He probably was looking for a younger woman. If he told his real age, he wouldn't have got the results that he got with you.

I would have a good talk with him and let him know that you didn't appreciate it when he lied about his age.

People are getting plastic surgery today more than ever. The reason for his youthful appearance may be that he got plastic surgery.