Why did my best guy friend stop talking to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2013
Why did my best guy friend stop talking to me?
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 11:47pm

Normal 0      So let me start from the beginning. There was a guy that transferred to my work and became my supervisor. It was like an instant friendship. We were always hanging around each other and always told each other pretty much everything. He was going through a breakup with his girlfriend and asked me for advice all the time.We became a lot closer during this time and he opened up a lot to me. He cried and showed a lot of emotion that he said he usually doesn't do in front of people. We started hanging out more and more outside of work. He always told me that I was the hardest working person at that job, that I did everything he asked and more.

     I have a really good female friend that I have known for like 4 or 5 years that also works with us. They would get in to little arguments every now and then but by the next day the were over it. So over the next 6 months me and this guy hung out at each others house, went to the gym, went to dinner, and other things together. He would always tease me about moving away. I would always give him a look of disgust when he said it cause I didn't want him to move. I had become really close to him and had developed pretty strong feelings for him. But since he was my supervisor, we were not going to do anything that would cause us to lose our jobs.

     One day he found out that he was accepted to take a assistant manager job. He told me and I did admit that I was a little upset because I would be able to see him as much. Well the next 2 weeks we pretty much did everything together at work.

     Two days before he left, I was working on a project and he hollered at me. I didn't hear what he said, so he hollered again. My friend that I have known for 4 or 5 years was there with me and asked if I was going to break with her. After I didn't hear what he said, he came over to where I was and asked me if I would help him with something. I told him that I would help him but I was going to go to break first. Well he looked at my friend, got pissed, and turned around and walked off. I had come back from break and I went over to him and said ok I'm ready to help you. He wouldn't even look at me and said in a pissed off voice "never mind, I'll get it myself". I was like ok and walked off. He did not talk to me or hardly look at me the rest of that day. After I got off I text him and told him, "I don't know why your mad at me but it sucks and tomorrow is my last day working with you". He never replied.

     The next day, his last day at work, he still wouldn't say anything to me or hardly look at me. I was upset cause it was my last day to work with him, but I didn't say anything. Well at the end of the day, he left an hour before I did. He told everyone goodbye except for me. He went to leave and walked right by me without saying a word. So I text him like 2 minutes after he walked out the door. I said "nice working with you...". He response was "you too".

     So about 30 minutes later I said "Never would have thought but everyday has been great and fun except the last 2 days we have worked together, it has been miserable! I guess since you seem fine with it so be it but it sucks...I don't know what I did to make you mad but I'm sorry".

     His response was "the company you keep reflects you....and I'm gonna leave it at that". I said "really? your mad at me because of who I am friends with? That's never seemed to be a problem before".

     He replied "I don't care who your friends with but you run behind her like a lil puppy dog while she does no work at all...and no that's not why I'm mad....have a nice day...". I said "So I guess all that work I did for you and with you wasn't anything".

     He said "Wowwww....never said that....I gave you props and appreciation everyday....". I told him "thought you were different but I was obviously wrong". He said "whatever....open your eyes...".

     That really hurt me. I did a lot for him. I let it go for about a week and text him again because I had a lot going through my head that I needed to tell him. So I told him "I know you don't want to hear from me or talk to be and I am not expecting you to answer, but this whole thing has been killing me. I am sorry about everything that I said to you the other day. I just got caught up with everything". He never answered.

     It was really hard for me cause I still had a lot of feelings for him that I couldn't let go. So 3 months had past and I text him again. I told him I would like to work out all our issues because I miss hanging out and talking with him. He still didn't reply.

     I still see him but not on a daily basis and he still acts like he doesn't see me.

     I just need some advice on what to do because I still have a lot of strong feelings for him and want to work things out but he doesn’t want to talk or acknowledge me when he sees me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 11:39am

I think his behavior is a little immature with not talking to you but I assume that now he's in an even more superior position to where he was before.  I think he probably needs to be in a place for work where he's not hanging out with people in lower positions--would he have any kind of authority over your work now?  I mean he's not your direct supervisor any more but would your supervisor report to him?  I think it's difficult for people to be friends and bosses at the same time.  Even though you weren't dating, you did develop feelings for him (that sound like romantic feelings to me) and you talk to him outside of work like he was not your supervisor.  Then at work, he asks you do something related to work and you tell him you are going on break--is that how you would respond to a supervisor who wasn't also your friend outside of work?  I'd think in most jobs that would not be a good thing to do--normally if your boss asks you to do something you would at least ask him if it's ok to wait til after break time--not just tell him that's what you're doing.  He also gave you a heads up that your friend has a reputation for not doing any work.  I'm not saying not to be friends with her but maybe you should take a look around and realize that he thinks she is a bad influence on you at work--because he is now in management.

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 09-28-2013 - 10:03am

I agree with Musiclover.  My own manager has warned me about being too close with one of the women I supervise.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 9:23am

Feelings for what? A guy that has a tantrum over one situation, won't talk about it and then pretty much ignores you for three months? Always look at actions and what you can learn from it - no matter how many good things you do, when things don't go his way, this is what happens. This guy is a passive-aggressive disaster. That gets old fast - be thankful you dodged that kind of drama. The best way to handle that kind of behavior is let him be, which takes away the juice from his behavior. I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with him as a manager with his kind of childish communication (or lack of) style.