Why do guys do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Why do guys do this?
7
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 4:16pm
I went on a date with this guy I met online about a week ago and everything went great. He was a great guy, really down to earth and didn't seem like a jerk. He complimented me on the date as well as on the phone when we chatted before we met.

I e-mailed him to let him know that I had a great time on the date and that maybe we could get together sometime. He wrote back that he had a great time and that we should get together this weekend. I wrote back suggesting when we could get together on Sunday and now he said that he has to get back to me tomorrow or Sat. to let me definitely know about Sunday. What't that about? He suggested it, not me.

Before we met we spoke about 3-4 times. He would call (and so would I) every other day or every two days. I'm feeling that he might not really be interested and just can't come out and tell me. But then why tell me lets get together this weekend and now he can't give me the time of day.

I would rather a guy tell me that he's not interested to my face than make me think that he is interested and lead me on.

Why do guys do this?

I would appreciate a man's thoughts on this too. Thanks.

Sorry it's a little long but I'm venting too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 4:24pm
I've gone through this before. The guy is not that interested, but he won't tell you directly. I don't know what it is with guys, they're afraid we'll freak out, or they just don't have the balls. Obviously, he's not a great catch and you should waste your time and energy on him. Move on to the next interviewee and find someone who's more courteous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 7:07pm
I think it's a little early to be jumping to conclusions. I say wait and see when the guy gets in touch with you. If he doesn't contact you about sun by sat afternoon, then I would say that he's not interested and move on.

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 7:27pm
Not all guys do this. I'm a guy and if I do this, there could be a number of things at play. If he wasn't interested at all, he wouldn't have suggested getting together again and kept in regular contact with you. You're someone new to him, so he may not see you as someone to be "certain" about. He may also be finishing up an old relationship and still wrestling with that. I suggest playing a little more hard to get and see if he pursues. Perhaps schedule the date with firm plans. Then, the night before (or the day of) cancel them due to some emergency. Be polite and apologetic. Don't look like you're playing a game, or he's gone. His response will tell you if he is interested. If he is interested, he'll be understanding and this will communicate to him that you "have a life". If he is not interested, he won't call you anymore. Good luck :-)

Sean

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 7:40pm
Sean, as a man I totally disagree with your suggestion. You are suggesting that she play a game and tell a bold face lie to test his interest. The minute he figures out it is a deliberate lie to gain a result, trust will be lost, integrity will be questioned and she will be dumped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 10:22pm
I absolutely agree with spice.man. Don't start off a potential relationship with games.

He suggested the weekend, you suggested a definite day. Maybe he had plans with family, friends, etc. and just needed to make sure he would be open. Maybe he didn't want to seem over eager by saying "Sunday?...OH YES!!"

This will be a second date so just relax and see if he calls. I am sure he will or he wouldn't have told you he would get back with you. Don't scare him away by having too many expectations right now.

I know we all get excited when a date goes well and there is an open door for the next one. I am totally guilty of that. I get anxious and once locked my keys in the car while it was running. Thank goodness I had my spare in my purse. However, I didn't realize it until I came out of the store and was heading off to meet him.

Just breathe and see if he calls. If he doesn't call, he is a coward for stringing you along. ;) Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 10:34pm
i agree with the the two previous posts--don't play a game. he was the one who suggested that you get together over the weekend, which probably means he's interested. he may have stuff going on that day--give him a chance to call...although i know how it is to jump to conclusions when you're all excited about someone. if he calls, great. if he doesn't, then he isn't someone you want to be hanging around anyway. everybody deserves to be with someone who is honest, and if he is starting out by leading you on, you don't want to have anything to do with him right off the bat. good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:21am
Ok, Sassafras..While I agree with some of what you said, the inference that "I am sure he will or he wouldn't have told you he would get back with you."is not necessarily true. I was in nearly an identical situation not too long ago. E-mail banter was quick and clever. Ditto with the phone calls. Our first date was fabulous. We had a great time. He told me during the date, he had met quite a few women already. Only went out on second dates with a few. He said if he wasn't interested on the first date, he never asked for a second. Well. At the end of the night, he asked me for a second. I agreed. He then asked me to e-mail him to make sure I got home ok. (I live an hour away.) So I did. And I thanked him for the evening and told him next time it would be my treat. (He paid the bill the first night.) He e-mailed me back and told me he had a good time too and looked forward to seeing me again. And he said I should let him know my plans for the coming week. Maybe we could try a new restaurant out. I e-mailed him back two days later with a couple of options. That was three weeks ago. And I haven't heard back from him at all. And I can pretty much conclude I won't be hearing from him again.

Just because that's what they say, it doesn't always mean that's what they'll do.

Elle