Why Do I . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Why Do I . . . .
12
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 2:05pm
keep dreaming about my Ex? We broke up back in March and we tried to reconcile in April but things still wasn't working. And if you remember, this is the same Ex that is extremely similar to this guy Mike I am dating now. These two are too similar to pass off as a coincidence and I swear that they are related somehow. Oh by the way, Mike called me Wednesday night.

I've been very depressed since the break up (I was the dumper) but I have been getting stronger and stronger each day. I used to dream about the Ex alot back in March and think about him all the time but as I got stronger the dreams went away and the thoughts subsided. I've also dated other men since the breakup and that has helped somewhat.

So now, two months later, the dreams have returned. I've dreamt about my Ex on Wednesday night and Thursday night. On Wednesday night, I dreamt that the Ex and I were making passionate love like we used to do. And Thursday afternoon was the first time in weeks that I had the *urge* to call my Ex but I resisted the need to call him.

Thursday night's dream consisted of a previous conversation I had with my Ex in which he told me all about his family history, his native country, his personal experiences here in the US, etc. It was a great history lesson indeed. But this time we were speaking face-to-face (he orginally told me these things during several telephone conversations). It was as if he was actually speaking to me in my dreams last night.

I just wanted to get this off my chest so to speak and figure out what does all of this mean. Your comments and thoughts are greatly appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 2:48pm

Hi


I'm coming here a little late to the story but why did you

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 3:08pm
Thanks Sherry. No that was no typo - I dumped him because my needs were not being met. There were serious work conflicts in that relationship. For example I worked first shift and studied for the bar the rest of the time. He worked second shift (and was on call on the weekends). The only time we could speak was during my lunch break if I had the time or late at night (after midnight) we he came home from work.

It was a short relationship (about 4 months). However, despite this schedule, he used to call me three times a day. The calls dropped dramatically once we became exclusive. We also used to see each other once a week until we became exclusive. After that I hardly saw him at all. There was also an issue of me always going to his house, which was a 45 minute drive.

When we were together, we enjoyed ourselves and he always spoke about the future with me. For example, I met his brother and the EX always used to show me around his city to get familiar with all the *nice* areas and to show me all the homes he used to own and stuff. but despite all that, I needed more contact and communication. I basically felt neglected or felt that he was taking me for granted. . . .

With respect to dating Mike, well I don't have a good justification for that. Like I said in another post, I haven't spoken to my Ex since April. We were suppose to *hook up* that night but the Ex never answered the phone when I called his house and cell phone several times. Coincidently, Mike sends me an email from the same dating site my Ex is on and we eventually went out on a date. I posted this whole ordeal on the Recovering from a Breakup board. The post is entitled "New Date and Ex BF are Like Twins". It's really scarry how similar Mike is to my Ex with respect to appearance, personality, national origin, etc. Mike knows so much about me considering the fact that we've only known each other for a month. And some of this information I only disclosed to me Ex. I swear Mike and Ex are cousins . . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 9:50am
ms la donna...

Pianoguy thinks it's safe to say that there are pleasant memories connected with just about every relationship. And I guess the sex is one of those---you can't get the experience out of your head?

But look at the big picture here! The split between you wouldn't have happened if everything else was perfect...and apparently...everything else wasn't! You can re-run previous events and conversations (in your dreams), but eventually...you gotta wake up and realize that you are living in the present...and not the past!

There are people who enter our lives temporarily...and as soon as the time clock hits the deadline...THEY DISPPEAR! Despite the fact that you might have a few leftover feelings...the man in your dreams is no longer a part of your life. You have a b/f who has taken his place!

You'll probably have these past thoughts about him (in your sleep) off and on for about a year...but the quicker you accept the fact that you no longer have an emotional connection with the EX...the easier it'll be to clear the file from your head!

Best of luck...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 10:33am
Thank you pianoguy. Is there a way to *control* my dreams while sleeping? I don't have a problem suppressing these thoughts while I'm awake and I'm dating other people so obviously I'm trying to move on. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 11:57am
ms_la_donna,

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 12:57pm
Thank you Terri but actually I've already tried sleeping with the window open and reading a book or news article before going to bed. :-( And I cannot fall asleep with the radio on - I need complete silence. Perhaps I need to dump Mike and/or listen to Pianoguy's music(LOL).

Sigh. I really want to do away with all of this and get back to my normal self again. I'm sure my Ex is already ahead of the game and has long forgotten about me. :-( Too bad there isn't a fast track to getting over an Ex . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 1:01pm
At the risk of sounding like a broken record...

By you continuing to stay with a guy who reminds you of your ex, you will keep having memories of your ex. Why do you want to put yourself through this? Is it worth having to go through all this pain just to be with this new guy?

My advice from the past stands--let him go. Take some time for yourself to really heal and then move on. And don't date people that remind you of ex's! :)

Good luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 2:54pm
ms la donna...

I'm not sure there's a way to "control your dreams" because some of us sleep deeper than others do.

Why not keep a record of the food you've eaten or what activities you did...prior to the nights when you had those erotic dreams of the EX? If there's a common thread in either, eliminate it...and perhaps these thoughts will disappear?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 2:57pm
sleep deeper? Sounds like a good title for a song!!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 3:01pm
ms la donna...

If you would like a copy of my "demo cd"----write me directly and I'll send you one. I'm not suggesting that my music is going to soothe you enough to forget about the EX 100% of the time. But if you honestly want to get back to your "normal self"---make some changes in your future...while learning from the unfortunate situations in your past.

Pianoguy....who would also like to thank Terry for his kind words of encouragement when it comes to the music I play!

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