why do i do this???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
why do i do this???
6
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:19am
i sabotage potential relationships. no one else's; just mine. i guess i get too overeager. i was talking to this one guy, for almost a month, and then one day, nothing. he stops calling (he WAS calling me). the other guy, who seemed to be seriously attracted to me: i may have scared him off. tonight we were chatting online (of a sexual nature). very heavy conversation, of which i will not get into. we exchanged pics, as well, and now i am humiliated for myself. that was earlier, and i have not spoken to him since. i think i have lost any respect he may have had for me at all (if any), but more than that, i lost my own self respect. i am the girl who "would never do that kind of thing". now, i am and i hate myself for it. why do i do this to myself?? i don't know what is wrong with me, besides the fact that i make royally stupid choices. please help me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:42am
Do you have any idea as to what you could have said or done with the first guy to think you sabatoged anything? Were the pictures you exchanged with the second guy graphic in nature? Is that why you feel humiliated?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:33am
no and yes
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 10:00am

You are making poor choices because you aren't in touch with who you are. You are looking for attention in all the wrong places. I would suggest counseling to get in touch with you before you continue dating. Once you love yourself you would be surprised with how many men you will attract.

Cindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 10:39am

I agree with Cinderella. You need to find yourself right now. What YOU like and what makes YOU happy. Get off the internet for a while! There are not alot of honest guys out there. They are there stalking and prowling for one thing only. When you give it to them, they go away.

Read, walk, excersice. Redecorate a room in your house or apt,do some gardening (watch new life grow) and find things to do in your town or area. Just get out there and do what you like to do for YOU. You will begin to meet people who have truly the same interests as you, and who you will meet face to face and see what they're all about.

I don't know how old you are, but you really need to take care of yourself before you can look for someone else in your life.

Remember.........get off those internet sites fast. They are only tempting troubles.....

Good luck
Patty

PATTY

~Dare to believe in yourself~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 1:21am

newyear_newlife05 makes some good suggestions. But you already know what your issue is, you feel you get overeager. When you get overeager you behave in ways that are more appropriate for a relationship that you have been a part of for a longer period of time. Since you get close too fast these men will either take advantage of that or leave or both.

The best way to handle this is to slow down. Take each day as it comes. If a guy doesn't contact you again, then just rest assured that you will meet someone else one day. You need to really believe this...otherwise it will show. That is how guys get over...playing the "so hard to find a good man" card. Women act like if they don't get the current guy they are dating to propose then it is the end of their love life. It is not the end. There are more men out there who will want you. Since you cannot change anyone's behavior except your own, the best thing to do is to slowly get to know people. People need time to peel off their layers to expose who they really are inside. If you feel the need to move fast then you need to ask yourself why. Is it because you are impatient? Is it because you are in pain? I'm sure you will discover the reason one day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 6:55am

Well it sounds like some of your issues are self fulfilling prophecies - you expect to 'sabatage' potential relationships and then guess what happens.

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