Why do I hang on?
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Why do I hang on?
| Sat, 08-28-2004 - 10:05am |
My boyfriend of a year is 32 and I am 44. So much to tell about him but if I did at this point and time most of it would be negative statements...but truth! He is an obitual lier and can't seem to tell the truth even when the truth would be easier. Everything about his friends or phone numbers that he has is "none of my business". He tells me that I don't have to know everything but I share all my facets of life with him and have always been up front about everything. Everything about him is secretive or lies and then when it gets down to me telling him he is going to have to move out he will confess up on whatever issue we are having our argument about. He tries to turn everything around that the reason he doesn't tell me everything is because I don't tell him everything. It is a constant no win situation with him and I have done everything I can to show my love and respect. I get nothing from him but lies, stealing from me, secrets, etc. He has spent some time in prison and then was left on his own living off the streets. I took him in when I found out he was living on the streets (co-dependency) because I cared enough about him to try and help, then I fell into the trap of"love", "lust" or whatever...I really do love him but I am fed up with his manipulative ways and I honestly feel the only reason he is with me is because he has no place to go. Nothing he says or does shows me a faithful and respectful love. He does have an addiction but I have had one of my own in the past and I would never lie or steal from the person I was intimate with. He tries to blame his behavior on his addiction but I still will never understand how the person your sleeping with and saying you love that you can steal from them and lie to them about everything. I thought my love and helping him would change his ways but I guess I'm just another one of those love stories gone bad. I hurt inside and hoped for a better relationship with him but I see no changes. He blames it all on his addiction but I don't nor will I ever see it as that. Is this his character and always will be or is there a chance for this straight up con to change his ways? I'm not getting any younger but he sure is getting the benefits of my home, car, sex, money, etc. I'm ready to throw in the towel but believe me I have already tried and he brings on the tears of sorrow and I break down and let him continue to stay and the emotional and psychological abuse continue....where do i go? and what should I do? He has no family nor anyone and that is what keeps me holding on in an aspect because I want him to know that there is a unconditional love in some of us.

It's just a thought, but because your b/f has NO FAMILY....do you suppose his feelings for you are more along the lines of "an older sister?"
But to answer your question....YOU are holding on because you hope this man will eventually 'get his act together!' Sorry to be the bearer of bad news...BUT HE WON'T!
And the longer you continue to provide him with the necessities in his life...there's really no reason he should, is there?
So if you're miserable...give him a 2-week notice...and then if he refuses to leave, have him "escorted" out of your home. You might also want to consider getting a restraining order? A man with his...err...HISTORY...probably won't take your news very well!
Pianoguy
Good luck. Don't waste any more of your life...do you want to be 49 and still in the same, exact position?
Sheri
Obviously tho we were at different places in our lives.
He had the 4 bedroom house that he wanted to fill with kids.
I wanted to date and not take it as a serious relationship.
I don't think the age difference is significant if you both want the same things in life.
Even tho I typically liked younger guys not that much younger.
I was told by someone that the reason Younger guys are attracted to me and vice versa has to do with my energy level etc. I am also petite so I look alot younger.
What i did learn about someone that much younger is that you have to have a great deal of patience and understanding that what they are doing isn't out of meaness but experiences/
For me the aspects of his character were so special and unique that I was wiling to be understanding. (also some of the things he would get upset over would kinda make me chuckle because they were so silly).
So..... age isn't the issue it is the character of the person no matter what age.
My younger man relationship didn't work because of what we wanted in life but we are friends today and we sincerely care about each others welfare.
Believe me I spent 5 years with an alcoholic/ cocaine addict. They will tell you whatever you want to hear to get you to stay with them. THEY need YOU, not the other way around. And the longer that you continue allowing this guy to use you and your things, the worse off YOU will be. My last straw with my ex? He took my car and lent it to some *buddy* who took off with it and pawned some of my things.
So the sooner you end this with him, the sooner you can heal and move on. Then you will be open to an honest trustworthy individual. Stay away from the *needy* guys who can't do for themselves.