Why do I keep doing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Why do I keep doing this?
13
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 8:44pm

I apologize in advance for being so lengthy!

So, here's the deal. Currently, I have been dating my bf for about 7 months, now. We get along great for the most part. Just recently we told each other that we loved one another. He's 30, I'm 23. I realize that he has dated more girls than I have dated guys because of the age difference. The thing is, he is an attractive guy, and is a guy that is friends with girls...including a couple of his exes. I guess he's only had 2 serious relationships before me, each one lasting a little over two years. One of his exes, he doesn't talk to really at all, as she has her own bf. However, the other one, on the other hand, he has known for about seven years. He broke up with her 5 years ago. They still keep in touch, but he only considers her a friend, as he's mentioned how after they even broke up she would offer him ideas as to where to take girls on dates, help set him up on dates, etc. They've even joked around about how they could never date one another again, as they just didn't work that way, but they're fine as friends. OK, fine. And yes, once again, they've been broken up for almost five years. Neither one wanting to get back together with one another.

Then what is my problem, you ask? I'm not really sure. When him and I first started dating, I noticed a picture of them up together on his Myspace page. (He he had posted it before him and I even met). I asked him about it when I saw it after we started dating, and he said that he considered her one of his good friends only, and it was also only one of the pictures that he had that was digital of himself that he could post. When I mentioned that it bothered me after I saw it, he took it down immediately.

In addition, about a month ago, another girl who he dated for about two months before he met me, randomly text him asking him if he wanted to go out for a drink. He told me that he did not respond to her text. When she asked again, he told her that he had a gf, and it would not be appropriate to meet up with her. Apparently she didn't know, and backed off.

So, why do I have a problem with past girls that he's dated? He's never done anything to hurt me, I never would think he would, he is dating ME and only me, and there is no reason for me to suspect anything differently of him.

In my past relationship, I did the same thing. I would over analyze the fact that my bf at the time had messed around with a girl, when we were not even dating yet, or even question him going on a date with another girl before he met me, that I went to school with.

My question is, why do I keep obsessing about guys that I date pasts relationships? My current boyfriend has never done anything, and has even asked if my past bf has cheated on me. I feel that the more I continue this, I am going to push him away, as we've already had numerous fights over this. For some reason, I can't live in the present and accept the fact that he does and has not wanted to date any of his exes again, or girls that he is friends with. I know that I need to accept the fact that there have been girls before me. I just wish that they would stay in his past, and not talk to them at all, which I know is selfish of me. He tells me over and over that the girls that he is friends with, or has had a past relationship with, he never wants to date, or date again, and only considers them a friend.

Please help me realize how stupid I'm being here! He hasn't done anything. He's an attractive guy that is friends with some women. I even told myself that if we ever broke up I could see us staying friends, just because of the fact that he's a nice guy and gets along with pretty much anyone.

I have a feeling that it might be due to insecurity issues with myself as to why I'm obsessing about his past...

Thanks for reading, and sorry so long!

C

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 10:24pm
I dont have time to read the other posts, so maybe this has been said already.. but people obsess when they are insecure and have nothing els egoing on in their lives. if u are busy, u wont have time to worry about this kind of crap with him. ud just enjoy his company and chill out. so maybe go get some hobbies or something and focus on you a little bit and not so much on the man in ur life that u have at the time. be ur own person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:45pm
Ok, now that I have been able to read a few posts, it seems like u are inreasonably (and by ur own admission even) needy. You are asking to be dumped or asking to have your relationship wrecked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 12:51pm
You meant this for blueeyedgirl06 and instead it came to my email. Just an FYI.

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