why does he want to back up?
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why does he want to back up?
| Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:25pm |
Tim and I have been "seeing" each other for the last year. We have had ups and a few hard downs but we always manage to get back together. T will not commit to a realtionship and that is fine with me but after the last time we fought 2 months ago we have had sex only twice. He said that sex in our realtionship only makes things more complicated. He thinks that we need to take things slower and back track. I don't get it. we spend everyday together and have good times. In fact he is taking me out of State to meet his father this month. I want him all the time (sexually) and it seems like he has lost intrest in me. I feel like he is the female in the realtionship with the "perpetual" headach and I am the guy who would do almost anything to get laid. Help! I am so very confused.

If I were you I'd run from the relationship as fast as I could. It sounds like it's not going anywhere anyway.
I just ended a 9-year marriage where I was always wanting sex and my ex was not interested. We had sex occasionally when he got the urge, but I think more of a physical release thing than wanting me. He actually never seemed to want ME period. It was MUCH less frequent than I wanted and was never on my terms, becuase by the time he became interested I'd take it however I got it. I had told myself for so long that it didn't matter, that I shouldn't be making sex out to be so important, that other things mattered more. But now I think if two people aren't sexually compatible, it should be a deal breaker.
Since his sexual desire changed recently, it could be other issues at play. You do need to have a serious talk with him. But if you want committment and he can't give it, move on with your life and fast. If he wants committment down the road, he'd be free to call and see if you are involved with anyone at that time.
Remember, being sexually involved in a relationship also means being emotionally vulnerable. My guess is that there is a fear at play here - a fear of becoming too close, of giving of oneself, of becoming "committed" - T is fighting with himself at this point... you need to ease his mind and reassure him to help him over his fears...
When you feel frisky, hand him two asprin, then he won't have an excuse... have fun with it, don't apply pressure...
tg