Why hasn't he called?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Why hasn't he called?
5
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:18am
I'm a college student and have been talking to the sweetest guy all semester. We classify ourselves as good friends we went to a sorority formal together and have gotten really close. Now that it's summer I'm back at home (1hour and 15 min away)... We've made it clear that you both like each other very much, but aren't official b/c of the distance. I have so much fun with him and he promised to call me and visit this summer. We both work close to 50 hours a week, but I feel like he could make some time for me. I called him recently and talked maybe 5 min and his phone was dying so he promissed to call when it was charged, but he never did. I told him I was coming up to see a friend on her b-day this weekend. He never called so I texted messaged him and said thanks for calling me back. He replied sorry, he know i love ya. I then reminded him that I would be in town and that if he wanted to see me to give me a call. He replied you know I want to see you. Well when I did get into town I saw him for 5 min and discussed I was leaving that night b/c I needed to be ready for work early. And he's like ok then good to see ya I got to go. So I said ok fine and went to meet up with my friends. He called 1 min later and was like I can't believe you walked away from me and I replied I can't believe you don't want to spend time with me. He said he was going to church and would call afterwards. He never called and it's been 4 days I haven't heard anything. Should I try to call him? Why hasn't he called? I was so excited I was going to get to see him and then he didn't really seem like he wanted to hang out. We were both with our friends, but I drove a long way and he didn't seem to want to spend time with me. Should I talk to him about how upset I am? I don't wanna make him mad, but it really hurt my feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:26am
Seems to me that he is a friend...and an unreliable one at that. If I were you, I would NOT call him. Wouldnt it be interesting to see how long it would take to hear from him?
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 8:48am
I think it's best if you don't call him. I understand that you have a great time with your guy friend. But if what you want is for him to like you, you have to give him a chance to chase you. I read somewhere if a woman chases a man, he will run. See what you are doing is calling him and calling him and he's not giving you want he wants. Well it's because you are not giving what he wants. He needs time to miss you. Besides men love to wonder what a woman is doing. They need time to forgive things out and see if what they want is to take a friendship to the next level. If he really feels that he has a great time spending time with you, he will call you and will make time to see you. But give him some time. I know it's hard, because I have been there myself. Just keep yourself busy with work and other things that interest you.

I hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 2:03pm

Hello littleangelgal!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 5:32pm
Were you two actually together? Is he obligated by the rules of boyfriendom to call and be there and whatnot? I know you became close friends but it sounds like you want a lot more and it sounds like he doesn't want that at all.

Think about basic natural instincts of the human race - when you like a person, you call them, want to see them...when you don't like someone, you don't go out of your way to get in contact with them, etc. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't like you, but could certainly be trying to avoid any misleading signals. He probably just wants to stay your good friend.

But here's my two cents: don't play games, whatever you do. That just leads to hurt and confusion and no one wins...give him a call in a couple days...apologize for not being able to see him and say how you feel: that you wanted to hang out with him. If he acts aloof and disinterested then leave it alone. And you're smart enough to pick up on the subtleties of an insincere response as well...so just listen to him and see if what he says is something YOU would say to someone you really wanted to see and talk to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 3:35am
I can sympathize with your situation. It's unfortunate that your friend is behaving in a confusing way. But you know what? It's because he's confused. And that's not your problem. It's too bad this is hurting your feelings, because I'm real sure that's it's not his intention to hurt you.

So, it's up to you. Can you feel compassion for your friend in his confusion? That might help you to not feel so much that he is being hurtful toward you.

And that's about all the action you can take regarding your friend, until he does a bit of his own emotional work.

What is the most important thing is that you make your own life the most important thing to you. Believe it or not, guys come and go. And yes, sometimes better ones come after the ones who were better than you could have imagined.

Get out there. Make more friends. Have fun. Do a good job at work. Hey - here's a thought - you're in college for a career, right? Have you started your resume yet? Employers do look at how you spend your time in college.

I'd like to comment on a previous post about the ten reasons why guys don't call.

It's my personal opinion that not one of those ten reasons relate even remotely to your situation, and might even serve to confuse you even more by casting aspersions about the character of your friend, at best making your feel worse, and at worst causing some emotional damage. We don't need to start off in life cynical and distrusting - of our friends!

Hang in there,

and good luck.