why is he acting so crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006
why is he acting so crazy?
3
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:29pm
My boyfriend 23, and I age 23 have been dating for 3 years. I met him in the town where I went to college and was offered a good job so we decided I should stay in town after I graduated. Everything had been completely amazing until school started (he is still in school) and he got really depressed bc he hates school and his job. So I was just trying to be there for him and make him happy. He recently decided to quit his job and then about two weeks ago he told me that he felt like he might want to break up, but then changed his mind. The next day he came back again and said that he wanted to break up bc he felt like he might be missing out on things by only being with me. So we broke up for a day and then he came back crying for me to take him back. So I did and things were a little weird the past week but getting better I thought. Then I got jealous over this girl that kept calling him and we got in a fight and I decided I needed to take my time and not talk to him for a day or two. After our period of silence he came over and broke up with me in a very cruel way and said that we needed to go our seperate ways. Then today he called me and asked if he could come over and get his some belongings so I agreed. He came over and brought tools to fix my bike and said that he wanted to check my oil and the rest of my car. He said that he still wants me in his life just not as his girlfriend and that I can still call him and hang out with him. Then he invited me to his family's huge Thanksgiving party. But he still says that he does not regret the decision he made to break up with me. I am so confused and I feel like I am on this huge emotional rollercoaster. I know he still loves me and is going through things, but its not fair to me. I love him and just want to be with him and I have no idea how to act or what to do. Any Advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 8:04pm

Since HE's the one who doesn't know what he wants, I'd suggest that you break all contact with him. Go on with your life and let him deal with his. He's a big boy and needs to face life and decide what he wants to do.

If he decides to come back to you AND be your BF then you can decide if you want him in your life. The guy's life is unstable at this moment, he may be depressed as well and unhappy about nhis job quitting, school and such. He needs time to decide what he needs to do, BUT it's totally unfair to string you along. You still have feelings for him and you need to take care of them.

Break all contact with him and ask him not to contact you. Take care of yourself and move on with your life. It seesm that this guy needs time to figure out things on his own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 8:51pm

This guy doesn't seem to care what you want. He feels like he can define the relationship.

If you want to get over this guy, and heal emotionally, you are going to have to distance yourself from him, which means he can't be checking your oil and inviting you to a big Thanksgiving dinner.

Tell him that you need your space right now and for him not to contact you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 12:08pm

Get off the rollercoaster, hon. Everything in this guy's life sounds unsteady right now, and he'll only continue to bounce you around as his own emotions change from day to day.

I agree with the other posters that you need to stop all contact with him. He broke up with you and that's the way it should be. You can't be "just friends"... you still have deeper feelings for him. In order for those feelings to die down you have to stop the madness and keep him out of your life. That means you DON'T need him to fix things and you shouldn't go with him to Thanksgiving dinner. That would just be confusing for everybody, and mostly for you. Tell him not to contact you any more.

I'm sorry for your pain. Time will heal it, if you let it.

Take care.