why he broke my heart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
why he broke my heart?
6
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:04pm
I dont understand what happened? I've been dating my bf for 1 year and 3 months. I see him on the weekends...We never fight.He's afraid to tell me that he loves me, but i feel it. The last two weeks I've noticed that he's been acting weird.He seemed depressed. He broke up with me...yesterday. He didn't give me a reason why.He just said he didnt know where this was going, and that he was having problems at work. He also told me not to become a "stranger". I dont know what to do...I already wrote him an e-mail...but he hasnt written me back. I dont know what to do to get him back.. I dont believe he's seeing anyone, why is he backing away?

Please write back.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:48am
Hey there, I know just how you feel! I just went through something similar with my bf of 7 months. A couple of months ago he wanted to get engaged, then he wanted to postpone engagement but still wanted to see me, then he cancelled dates and told me he was having some personal issues and having reservations about us. So we are broken up, and I think for good.

Anyway, his reasoning was not unlike your bf's - work worries, not sure about us, other personal issues. I think that really he just wasn't ready for a serious relationship - or at least not with me. But he couldn't come right out and say that for whatever reason.

I think that you have to accept that things are over with your bf. Move on with your life as if he were no longer a part of it. Tell him that you are not ready to be friends right now. Let him have the time and space he needs - if he changes his mind, he knows where to find you (but don't count on him changing his mind!).


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 5:37am
Well he really did not give you a reason and you did not give us any background. Perhaps you would like to write more.

My bf broke up with me three weeks ago. He only told me that he loved me once when he was drunk. And I told him a million times. I woke up laughing about it this morning. The reason I laughed was that I really had to think how funny and sad it is for someone to be with you for 6 months, share a bed with you, make love to you, take you to meet their parents and not be able to get that past their lips. But when that is the case dear... You should always know that something is wrong.

Be glad that you can say it. There are guys out there who can say it too.

But if you want more advice you should give me some more background. What were your problems/ issues? what did you fight about? Just more input....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 7:04am
He's backing away because he was never yours to begin with - you told yourself he loved you but was too scared - I know few men who would be with a woman that long that they loved and not want to make absolutely sure that she knew, no matter how scared he was to say it - and if he was too scared then of course the relationship wouldnt' be healthy. Last summer I refused to let myself read into what my then bf did and said as him being in love with me because he never said it - and guess what - he cared about me, sure, but he wasn't in love with me when we talked about it, at the 4 month mark. It says something very telling about you that you were willing to stick around with no I love you's or commitment for that long. I would say - be a stranger - this is not about his life situation but rather than he doesn't know where this is going and he figures that after all this time you understood there was probably no potential since you never spoke of a true commitment. I really don't mean to be harsh - I don't think I am telling you anything you didn't know - now, move on, if he emails you tell him that on reflecction you cannot handle just being friends or email pals and to call you if he feels he has made a mistake and wants a commmitment - and if you are still available you will consider it.

for me, I wouldn't date someone more than 6 months unless we were in love and saw a future together. Just my thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 7:06am
See, I don't find any inconsistency in what you described - my bf over the summer did all you said for the four months - and talked of marriage all the time - why couldn't he say those three words? Because I wasn't the one for him and he didn't love me. His actions were loving much of the time, but he wasn't in love. Makes perfect sense to me and has nothing to do with "not being able" to say it - he wasn't able because he didn't feel it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 9:11am
Men are babies. And when they feel like their feelings for a girl are too strong and they're not "ready" for all that emotional stuff, they back off and run away with their tails between their legs. Leave him alone. Once he sees how his life changes without you in it, he may want you back. He may realize that dealing with his feelings and the possibility of you hurting him in the future are outweighed by the pain he feels when he's without you. Or, he could take the high road and keep walking. Either way, it's not your fault, it's not your problem and it's definitely not you. You just have to let him figure out what he wants on his own. You know what they say, "if you love something, set it free..."
Avatar for rikimiki
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 10:14am

Hi Gracie,


I have to agree wih Deena on this one.