Why is he still cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
Why is he still cheating?
2
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 5:28am
hi

Two years ago I dated a guy who showed me a lot of interest and care and love, I responded to his emotions until I got sophicated, it was too much so i started to be a rubber band as i needed my space. He was really hurt with my behavior and I hated the fact that I could hurt him as I had been hurt two years earlier after a 7 years relationship. Anyway, one day I received a text msg from his ex to let me know that he was still sleeping with her. I was totally shocked and deceived as he made me feel so special at the time and there was no sign at all of cheating. I met her, she was a lovely girl. I confronted him about this, he denied it at first till I told him I had met with her. He was distraught and told me all the bla bla bla htat a girl wants to hear. It was November and I just couldn't leave him because I just didn't want to spend xmas on my own, I had suffer a lot the past year. See, I am a French native leaving in Ireland and I do feel really isolated and lonely most of time since my past relationship ended.

Anyway, we stayed together, I really felt for the other girl cause I knew exaclty what she was going through but I was being selfish and just wanted company. Now, I also had some feelings for him but as the months went by I started again to be a rubber band, thinking also of what he had done and was he still in contact with her as she had gone to Australia for a year. To get the story short, he was in contact with her but I had no problem with it as I still ahd contact with my exes family till he started to say taht at least she loved him her. meaning not me. I did care for him but I couldnt' stop thinking of his cheating. We went on holidays for a month and it was nice, he wanted us to move in together etc...yet he was still in contact with her. Also, he had a very high sex drive and his whole thing is more or less based on this when I would be more quality. I just couldnt' live with someone whom I couldnt trust 100%. So last November we boke up and didn't i predicted everything, his ex was then back within 2-3weeks and they are back together now. But since, he has been cheating on her with me. Now, I know, I am not really proud with this but I cannot understand why does he do this? Please Dr Ruth, help me to see clearly. His affection with her and I are the same on his behaviour side of it which is a bit strange. Can you help me figure this out and what should I do?

thank you

kind REgards

AM




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 9:29am
It's amazing you can't see the forest for the trees. In other words, why are you wondering about HIS behavior when your own behavior is *exactly* the same? I see no difference between what he has been doing and what you have been doing. Both of you are using the other, being dishonest and insensitive and selfish. Why not start diverting your time and energy into some reflection on your own behavior and how you can improve it instead of on the behavior of others (which you will never figure out or change anyway -- waste of time). Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:16pm
Why are you continuing carrying on with this man?
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