Why no call?

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Why no call?
15
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 7:57pm
I have heard of guys who go out a few times with you and seem to have a great time and then they just don't call. Well, it happened to me for the first time and it is, indeed, a bizarre and baffling experience.
I went out with an acquaintance with whom I seem to have a lot in common about five times. A couple of events I suggested and then about three restaraunts we agreed on. Each time, he called me back within a day or two and said he had, in his words, a "blast."
The last time I heard from him, almost two weeks ago, he said, "Call me next week if you want to go out. Let's do a weeknight." Well, I wasn't comfortable with that, so I have been waiting for him to call me. The weeknight bit sent up a big red flag in my mind, since I am not sure if he is dating other people or not.
We had discusssed several other places we would like to go out to, also. So, I thought we were doing fine and getting to know each other.
What is going on here? Is he really waiting for me to call, or is he just not that into me? Maybe he is sick or dead? No, no, if you have to think that hard, there isn't as much interest there as it should be! But what gives?
I e-mailed him one sentence asking in a very light-hearted way if he was missing in action, but he has probably not checked his e-mail yet. I hate to write him off if he has a legitimate reason or is truly thinking I don't want to see him. Shall I just do nothing more? Any ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: memphisstars
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 9:44pm

A bit confused so if you'd clear it up, it would help...


Why exactly did you not call him? Are the two of you exclusive? (It did sound like he's keeping his weekend open for something else, but if there's no exclusivity deal, then that's ok even if it is frustrating...)


Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 11:32pm
No, we have no agreement to be exclusive, certainly not after just five outings. I did not call him because I at least suggested where we go on two of the first five get-togethers, and I just felt it was time he took the initiative. Do you think I confused him by not calling? Don't you think he could have called just to say hi or at least see what was going on with me? In two weeks? I know men know how to use the phone when they want to date someone, for gosh sake. And do I want to date someone who is so unassertive? If he had as good a time as he said he did, it makes no sense to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: memphisstars
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 11:59pm
It sounds like he's keeping his weekends open. He is definately seeing other people (or at least he's interested in seeing others). You did make the next move, you e-mailed him. Now the ball's in his court.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 1:06am

Are you actually *dating*? Because what he said about calling him to go out sure sounds like something you'd say to a friend, not a date.

Sheri

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 10:04am

I *thought* we were dating because he always picks me up, he won't allow me to pay for anything, and we have kissed once and he hugs me in ways friends don't. I wouldn't do any of that with a friend! At least not every time. But maybe he is just trying to work me into an FWB relationship?

He is a bit of a different guy in that he likes to stay home a lot and study for his pilot's license and I was told by someone who knows him he doesn't date much. But who knows? He is a guy after all. He may have ten girlfriends, for all I know. We have been out on the weekends twice.

This is exactly what makes me think dating is just way too much trouble. I hate to over-think this, but when you enjoy being with someone and you start to have some enthusiasm and look forward to outings with them, and then they just disappear, you start questioning all sorts of things, about yourself and them and how relationships work. Aghhh!

I don't intend to pursue him, but I hate to throw away a friendship because of a misunderstanding. But like you all say, I sent the e-mail. The ball is now in his court. If you can't play tennis, get off the court!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 10:09am

Ok...it sounds like he could be a little clueless about dating. But yes, you've indicated your continuing interest...it's up to him to ask you out again.

I think angst about dating only comes into play with someone who isn't right for you. If you're stressing (assuming you're a relatively reasonable person that is, which I think you are ;-)), then that's a sign that you're not a good fit. Let go rather than try to force the fit.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:08pm

He told you if you wanted to go out to call him. You didn't call him therefore he took it to mean you didn't want to go out.

Sending a bland email to somebody may or may no illicit a response, especially one that is somewhat accusatory, "hey, did you fall off the face of the earth?" I probaby wouldn't answer that either.

Maybe he is very busy with his pilot's test, maybe he thinks you aren't all that interested.

...pick up the phone....dial the numbers...and find out what is bugging him.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:37pm

ITA with chamey. If he doesn't date much, then it may follow that he's not super sure how to read you. You agreed to call him if you wanted to go out during the week. You didn't call. To me, I'd take it as the other person did not want to go out with me. In the future, you could always say "well, why don't you call ME. I prefer that".

As for the weeknight outing, maybe this was in *addition* to some weekend dating. Could be that he was adding time, instead of taking it away.

I don't believe in any of those games - that whole "he's just not that into you" bit. Of course, there's *some* validity to it. But I know several girls who follow "the rules" and are ALL single. I also know some who have taken an active role in pursuing (while being actively pursued as well, fair is fair), and those women are either in relationships or are married.

You reap what you sow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 1:22pm
well you said you only went out a couple of times -that doesn't imply a commitment. and were these "dates" or more like friends getting together? have you been the one doing all the suggesting or has he ever initiated? You did send him an email (light hearted which is good) so see if and when he responds. I think the next move can definitely be up to him
,
,
Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 3:59pm
Wise words, Sheri. I like a lot of enthusiasm on the front end, and if I don't sense it, I get anxious. Perhaps he isn't right for me. And he IS 45 years old. Some fundamentals of dating should be there, don't you think?

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