Why no call?

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Why no call?
15
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 7:57pm
I have heard of guys who go out a few times with you and seem to have a great time and then they just don't call. Well, it happened to me for the first time and it is, indeed, a bizarre and baffling experience.
I went out with an acquaintance with whom I seem to have a lot in common about five times. A couple of events I suggested and then about three restaraunts we agreed on. Each time, he called me back within a day or two and said he had, in his words, a "blast."
The last time I heard from him, almost two weeks ago, he said, "Call me next week if you want to go out. Let's do a weeknight." Well, I wasn't comfortable with that, so I have been waiting for him to call me. The weeknight bit sent up a big red flag in my mind, since I am not sure if he is dating other people or not.
We had discusssed several other places we would like to go out to, also. So, I thought we were doing fine and getting to know each other.
What is going on here? Is he really waiting for me to call, or is he just not that into me? Maybe he is sick or dead? No, no, if you have to think that hard, there isn't as much interest there as it should be! But what gives?
I e-mailed him one sentence asking in a very light-hearted way if he was missing in action, but he has probably not checked his e-mail yet. I hate to write him off if he has a legitimate reason or is truly thinking I don't want to see him. Shall I just do nothing more? Any ideas?

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Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 4:22pm

mmmmm...you all have got me thinking. You seem to be evenly decided about who should make the next move. To clarify, I have been out with him five times and after the first time, we both just kind of mutually decided what we wanted to do next. And they were more like dates; I don't kiss my male friends goodnight and they won't touch me like he did.

It's hard for me to believe that he could be studying so hard that he cannot pick up the phone, or even e-mail me once in ten days. I don't buy that. And if he is that busy, he has no room in his life for me.

But maybe he is waiting for me to call. Perhaps I should tell him directly I am uncomfortable calling him. I am 53 years old, and when I was dating back in the dark ages I had it drilled in my head not to call guys. I know this is a new millenium. Maybe I will have to update my feelings.

But I am also used to working with assertive attorneys and I prefer an assertive male. Maybe we are not compatible. I have also been abandoned by one husband of 28 years and one boyfriend who completely disappeared on me, and another boyfriend of five years who got on a plane to England and ended our relationship. I hung onto all three of them too long. So, I don't ever want to be where I am not completely desired.

I will let you all know what happens. Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:35pm

I am 44 years old and I call men all the time. I can see being uncomfortable with calling a man for a first date, but after date 5 you should put forth a little bit of effort to contact him about future date plans.

You may be completely desired by this guy but you may have sent that infamous signal "I'm just not that into you."

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:51pm

Really? You think so? Wow. And I was thinking I was *getting* that message. I will give him a call tomorrow and just say hi.

I guess I am just used to assertive lawyers and take-charge guys. Maybe they don't exist anymore. I have a feeling, however, I won't be real interested until some guy comes and sweeps me off my feet, just won't take no for an answer. I know there are guys like that because some of my girlfriends are now married to them, the ones that send roses to your workplace and write poems to get your attention and do other attention-grabbing things.

I have been going on dinner dates with just one such guy now for five years. He just keeps calling like the Energizer Bunny, and sending cards and gifts, but I have no chemistry with him. Maybe I will have to revisit my feelings about him! He gets an A for effort, at least!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 8:56am

Be very careful what you wish for. Mr. Sweep-you-off-your-feet might be sweeping several other ladies off their feet simultaneously. THese guys know the game and aren't afraid to use it.

A guy who has a nice personality, a decent job and returns phone calls promptly should not be ignored just because he isn't sending flowers to you on a weekly basis.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: memphisstars
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 10:29am

Oh, they exist alright! This guy's just not one of them!

There could be something in this idea that he was waiting for you to call him, because that was the last thing that was said. I would never have left it like that...I would have said something like "I'd prefer that you call me, thanks".

But I can't help but think that if he were *really* interested, he would have called anyway.

Sheri

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