Why play games or is he?
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| Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:08am |
Last night my guy and I were both off work. Instead of calling to see if he would like to get together I decided to hang out with friends. Let him call me. My boyfriend never called. This book says guys will intentionally not call you to see what your reaction is. So although it was hard I did not call :( I really like this guy. And I know he really likes me. We have talked about taking vacations together and he talks about me to his family, but I am afraid that by making myself always available to him, that I may have given him the okay to take advantage of it. Do guys really like to chase women? By changing my additude a month into a relationship work? Is not calling me last night his game to see what I will do? I hate dating and it is probably because I have been going about it all wrong. Can someone give me some tips?

Just be a strong, independent confident women and that will attract anyone.
Men can see neediness a mile away.
I would forget about the late night booty calls- you still need to respect yourself.
If you respect yourself he will as well.
People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
If you want respect than respect yourself.
If someone truly likes you then they WANT to spend time with you.
Now, I have never read the book that you mention, but I do know a lot of women have recommended it here in these posts.
I think anyone, male or female, is attracted to a strong independant person. Think about it: are you more likely to date the guy who is always calling and clingy, or the guy who has a life outside of you? Take that into consideration when dealing with your guy.
Now, if you feel like you're being used, stop it. You are the one who sets your boundaries, you are the one who accepts the way people treat you. If you don't like someone's behaviour, you don't accept it.
So no more ditching your friends because this guy calls. If you made plans with the girls, then you go out with the girls. If you're at home in bed and he calls for a late night romp, tell him you're tired but you'd love to see him tomorrow.
And yes, you can change how you react to someone's behaviour at any point. That is the beauty of change.
As for this boyfriend I have. Well lets just pray that my additude change kicks his butt in gear, because in all honesty he really is a great guy. And to tell the truth what guy or girl would not take advantage if their SO was so willing to give in all the time.
I wish I had only picked this book up months ago. Instead of soliciting advice I would be giving more of it.
I have to tell all of you, I really do appreciate all of your comments. It is so nice to find a place where people understand you.
However I also want to offer a couple of notes of caution for you as you go down this path.
- Be cautious not to over-rotate too quickly on this change. Take effective steps towards positive change rather than trying to become a totally different person overnight.
- Recognize that as you change, others (including your BF) may choose not to change their behavior to better align or suit you. You will loose some relationships and gain some new relationships. What you can not do is EXPECT others to change just because you have. You will need to find ACCEPTANCE in others just as they are. You have the power of choice with whom you wish to associate.
- Fundamentally your agenda has changed. Your BF may not want or like that change. He may choose not to change along with you. It could mean the end to this relationship. Do not DEMAND change from him. Accept him exactly as he is and allow the relationship to end if it does not match to your new agenda.
I know it's hard to hold yourself back from spending all your free time with a man you really like.
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