Why play games or is he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Why play games or is he?
6
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:08am
I am new to the dating scene. I am 25 my divorce is final and after alot of dating I have found a guy I really like! We had "the talk" and we decided to be exclusive, so now I have a boyfriend! We have only been together a little over a month, but I have known him about 6 months. I admit I let it move really fast and I wish I could take it back....but coulda woulda shoulda. Anyway, if you have seen any of my earlier post you know that this guy is always on the go. He just decides what he is doing and does it. I am the kind of person that when I really like a guy, I will do anything for him. Late night booty calls, accept a canceled date so he can hang out with his friends at a concert...I don't know why I will let a guy take advantage of me, but I am fed up. So I bought this book "Why Men Love B****s" This author has pointed out everything I have been doing wrong in my current relationship. So now I am taking this authors advice.

Last night my guy and I were both off work. Instead of calling to see if he would like to get together I decided to hang out with friends. Let him call me. My boyfriend never called. This book says guys will intentionally not call you to see what your reaction is. So although it was hard I did not call :( I really like this guy. And I know he really likes me. We have talked about taking vacations together and he talks about me to his family, but I am afraid that by making myself always available to him, that I may have given him the okay to take advantage of it. Do guys really like to chase women? By changing my additude a month into a relationship work? Is not calling me last night his game to see what I will do? I hate dating and it is probably because I have been going about it all wrong. Can someone give me some tips?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:31am
Don't play games.

Just be a strong, independent confident women and that will attract anyone.

Men can see neediness a mile away.

I would forget about the late night booty calls- you still need to respect yourself.

If you respect yourself he will as well.

People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

If you want respect than respect yourself.

If someone truly likes you then they WANT to spend time with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:17am
I'm going to have to agree here.

Now, I have never read the book that you mention, but I do know a lot of women have recommended it here in these posts.

I think anyone, male or female, is attracted to a strong independant person. Think about it: are you more likely to date the guy who is always calling and clingy, or the guy who has a life outside of you? Take that into consideration when dealing with your guy.

Now, if you feel like you're being used, stop it. You are the one who sets your boundaries, you are the one who accepts the way people treat you. If you don't like someone's behaviour, you don't accept it.

So no more ditching your friends because this guy calls. If you made plans with the girls, then you go out with the girls. If you're at home in bed and he calls for a late night romp, tell him you're tired but you'd love to see him tomorrow.

And yes, you can change how you react to someone's behaviour at any point. That is the beauty of change.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:47pm
You know I love this book. I think all women should read it. If you are like me and you tend to give in to everyone elses needs before your own, it really will open your eyes to the way you act and how a guy may be interpreting it. It in no way tells you to act like a b**** it just shows you how to have a certain edge about yourself.

As for this boyfriend I have. Well lets just pray that my additude change kicks his butt in gear, because in all honesty he really is a great guy. And to tell the truth what guy or girl would not take advantage if their SO was so willing to give in all the time.

I wish I had only picked this book up months ago. Instead of soliciting advice I would be giving more of it.

I have to tell all of you, I really do appreciate all of your comments. It is so nice to find a place where people understand you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 2:23pm
First off, congratulations on making positive change in your life. Being more self-aware, self-sufficient and guided in your life will have dramatic impact on your outlook and confidence as a whole. Well done and keep up the good work.

However I also want to offer a couple of notes of caution for you as you go down this path.

- Be cautious not to over-rotate too quickly on this change. Take effective steps towards positive change rather than trying to become a totally different person overnight.

- Recognize that as you change, others (including your BF) may choose not to change their behavior to better align or suit you. You will loose some relationships and gain some new relationships. What you can not do is EXPECT others to change just because you have. You will need to find ACCEPTANCE in others just as they are. You have the power of choice with whom you wish to associate.

- Fundamentally your agenda has changed. Your BF may not want or like that change. He may choose not to change along with you. It could mean the end to this relationship. Do not DEMAND change from him. Accept him exactly as he is and allow the relationship to end if it does not match to your new agenda.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 4:55pm

I know it's hard to hold yourself back from spending all your free time with a man you really like.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:22am
Last night I saw my boyfriend. The reason he didn't call, he said I was suppose to call him. What ever. He could have called, as well as I could have called. So yes I do think he is playing a game, or at least testing to see how I may react to him not being there. And after seeing him last night, he wasn't too thrilled of me not calling on Wednesday. He sat in my bar for 2 hours talking to me, when he usually talks with his buddies while he is there. Hopefully the game is over, but we will see.