why the sudden change????-please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
why the sudden change????-please help
2
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 7:52am
i have been dating a guy for about 3 months. we have known each other for years but over the last 6-8 months realized we had feelings for one another. he ended a very long relationship this year so i took it very slowly with him and let things go naturally, never pushing anything. things were great between us, we had a great time together and enjoyed each others company. we were very affectionate and loving towrads one another. i still took my time and still never pushed anything, allowing him time to adjust to me and his "new" situation. now here comes the problem...
about 2 weeks ago he ran into his ex when he was out. ever since then, he has become distant and nonresponsive towards me. the phone calls went from 2-3 times a day to maybe once if i am lucky. i have asked to talk to him but he seems to be withdrawing and avoiding it. I told him we needed to talk yesterday and to call me later so we could....he never did. i am worried. he has also pulled away from me intimately. I am upset because i dont know what has happened between us and i cant seem to get him to talk about it either. he went to a social gathering yesterday and i was not asked to attend, leaving me feeling bad and wondering why the sudden 360?? please advise.....i care about him very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 9:31am

Hi and welcome...


I'm so sorry you're in pain. It sucks to be in this situation.


My advice is simple... stay away from him or back off. When men tend to need space, they withdraw and we tend to follow them, attempting to "force" them out of their dave when the best thing for us to do is let them be.


I know it's probably the hardest thing to do but stop calling him, stop trying to get him to talk. Give him a few days of space and see what happens. Try to keep yourself busy with other things, go out with friends, pick up a book you haven't read yet, go to the park. When you feel the urge to call him, call a girlfriend. And see where it all goes.


Something doesn't sound right and it *seems* to point to the meeting with the ex, but it could be other things as well.


Hopefully the space will bring him around...


Hope this helps and please, keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 12:10pm

I'm also sorry to hear of your pain and disappointment, hon.

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