Widow wants to date but doesn't know how

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
Widow wants to date but doesn't know how
1
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 11:54pm

So today is four years after my husband died. I am in the best place I have been in four years and I am ready to date again. I am only 28 after all, no kids. The problem is, well there are many, but the main thing is that I was with my husband from 20 years old-on. So I am about 8 years out of practice.

I only have one single friend. We do not like to go to bars (too much smoking and that whole drinking thing). I will not try internet dating. I hear you can meet people at church but I want to worship for the right reasons, not just to meet a guy. I am not the most forward person and have been "Hollywoodized" to think my soul mate (I hope you can have two in a lifetime) and I will glance at each other across a crowded room and, well, you know the rest. Lovely for a romantic comedy but not that likely in real life (although I do keep my hopes up).

Then there is the whole 20 questions: when was your last serious relationship, single, married, divorced, etc. They never ask you if you are a widow, especially if you are in your 20's. I would like to think I can handle it with humor and grace but it is kind of a conversation stopper. You can't really say "Yep, the police have cleared me of any wrong-doing but have asked me not to leave the country yet". (My husband died of natural causes. There was nothing I could do.)

How do I even approach the whole dating scene?

Thanks,

Holly

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 1:14am

What do you like to do? I enjoy bowling and baseball. So I joined 2 bowling leagues, one women only and the other is mixed. I feel it is important to develop female friendships as well as meeting men. I umpire HS baseball which I must admit puts me in contact with quite a few men though that is not why I do it.

I also try to be friendly and smile a lot. I talk to complete strangers in the grocery store, shopping, DMV, etc. not b/c I'm trying to pickup men but just b/c I like people. It helps me to relax around men b/c I'm not worried about whether or not they are interested in me. I also think it makes me more approachable as I have more men talking to me now than I did when I was in my twenties.

I'm just getting back into the dating scene myself after a divorce. I haven't dated in 10 years, so I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. It's a little scary isn't it? I was separated for 2 years before the divorce became final. I felt I needed that to get myself together before I rejoined the dating scene.

I know you said you don't feel comfortable looking for men at church. I understand. There are singles groups that are affiliated with churches. Check to see what is available in your area. Keep me posted. Hope this helps :)