Will he ever commit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Will he ever commit?
1
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 1:22pm

My boyfriend and I have been together going on three years. I'm 26 and he is 33. Last year he asked my parents for my hand in marriage. My parents told everyone and they were so excited to see their first child to marry. Since then he has never proposed to me. I constantly wonder if he's changed his mind about us. I have brought this up on several occasions, but he assures me that nothing has changed. He says that there is no one else and that he sees only me being his wife. I thought we were at a level to where we can be open with one another. Even at one point he told me that the issue was that he was paying on a ring. Well, months have passed and he tells me the reason is that he can't find the perfect ring for me(I guess he forgot he told me that he was paying on one,but I didn't say a thing). I know that he filed bankruptcy before we met and is concerned about getting a house. I'm still in college and I can't help him out on that. After all this, he tells me he thinks that he is ill due to head pain and ringing in his ears (he never told anyone but his mom this) and doesn't want to marry me and let me down on a mortgage.

This conversation happened this weekend and he is not yet seen a doctor. I starting to think that everything he tells me is a lie and it's making me really dislike someone I love. I feel like a fool and I really just want the truth to where iwant to get out of this relationship since i'm thinking I don't know this man anymore. What else can I do? How do you get through to a person like this? I just want the truth so I can make a plan B for my future.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 4:14pm
Watch out for his behavior, which doesn't fit with his words. Ask him to go with him to pick out "the perfect ring for you", after all you're the one who's going to wear it. If he refuses or gives you another lame excuse then you have to decide what to do. After three years he seems to be dragging his feet. Has your dad asked about it? Maybe he could have a talk with him "man to man" and see what's going on. There are several red flags...his illness but no dr, his past bankrupcy, his "perfect ring" and the fact that he's told you "I'm paying for it"....the man pays for the ring.