Will I see him again?

Avatar for hurtinalot
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Will I see him again?
2
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 8:12am
Back in November I met this guy. At few months went by with him saying he would call me and take me out, but he wouldn't call. Eventually, he started calling and I finally went out on a date with him. We truly hit it off, I know we both had a great time. Same thing happened though, he said he would call and then again he would call at his convience. This happened a few times until I told him how I felt about him not calling when he said he would.

So, then it happened, he told me how wonderful everything was going, he would call when he said he would, he started really trying.

The first time we had sex though, he said he didn't want a relationship. I said I didn't either ( I lied)

We have spend quite a bit of time together, in and out of the bedroom and everything was going so well, but those words " I don't want a relationship" kept popping back into my head.

By the way, I was calling this guy Superman...and he was calling me his Lois or his Superwoman. It was a good way to flirt and compliment each other.

I wanted this guy to give me some kind of commitment after all I already was sleeping with him.....and those words "I don't want a relationship" kept popping in my head. Keep in mind this guy was treating me like I wanted to be treated..finally.

So, in order to try and get this guy to commit I wrote this email that said something like this:

Superman can't be in a relationship, he keeps flying all over, never in one place for long, Lois changed her mind..she doesn't want a superhero she wants a relationship. PS: Have Clark Kent call

I knew it was wrong after I sent it, now he won't return my calls,

Should I just let this guy go/ I don't want to. Can I fix this in any way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 8:55am
ah, that is such a nice story. I'm really sorry to hear that he has not called you back. I liked what you wrote - you were honest, in a witty kind of way that you thought he would relate to and appreciate after your playful behavior regarding the superhero analogy.

Hmmm... personally, I would leave him be for at least one week - do not call, do not mail... but then if you have not heard from him, I would give him a call and ask to come see him to chat in person. I totally recommend the face-to-face for serious conversations. You need to read his body reactions and facial expressions. I'd ask him what it is that he feels makes him reluctant to have a relationship - apologize for being blunt about it, but tell him that you really enjoy being with him and you'd like it to be more. If he still says he doesnt want to - it hurts worse that you can imagine, but he probably won't change his mind. Men are really wierd like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 10:24am
You didn't say how long it has been since you spoke with him. But if it's been more than a couple of days, I say he is being rude by not returning your calls. I also think it's rude to ignore your email and not respond at all, after you put your feelings out there. He could at least write back and say "Thanks, but I'm not interested." But men are notorious for avoiding confrontations like that.

At this point, you need to back off. You told him what you want... in a light-hearted way... and you don't need to do any more right now. The ball's in his court. If you don't hear from him or see him within the next couple of days, I would write him off. It just means that he is not the one for you.

And next time, remember that it's always smarter and safer to be TRUTHFUL about what you want. If you want commitment, why get involved with someone who has already told you he does NOT want a relationship? You're only setting yourself up for anxiety, frustration and possibly even pain.