Will men find this unappealing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Will men find this unappealing
3
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:54am
I am going to be going through what will be my third divorce. I am 37.

I have a 4 year old.

My first two ended because of abuse/drug problems with exes. This one just because we don't have it anymore, but we have a child so we hung in for 9 years.

I am scared to be on my own, because quite frankly, I feel that although I am good looking and a great gal, I feel someone will hear the 3 times I've failed and run.

my friends tell me a nice guy will not judge a book by the cover, and will understand when I explain the reasons why I chose a better life for myself. SOme say I don't need to go into detail.

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:45am
I wouldnt give much detail in the dating phase.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 12:03pm
First off you should not be scared of being on your own. Maybe you should work on coming to terms with yourself before getting into another bad relationship for the sake of being with someone. You say you are a good looking and a great gal, so prove that to yourself.

When you go out there with confidence, people notice. If you're worried someone will judge you, why tell them? You have to date men before you can have a relationship. When you're dating, you're interviewing the guy to see if he's a match. You shouldn't be delving into the past 37 years of failed relationships- that will scare a man off faster than hearing about 3 marraiges. Once you get into a solid relationship with a man, then you can open up about those details. I'm sure he'll understand the choices you made, you chose not to stay with addicts or in a loveless marraige.

Be strong.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:47pm
donnalynnkearns...

Pianoguy wants to give you a man's opinion if that's okay?

With 3 failed marriages, many of us might wonder if the flaw was with you, the husbands, or a combination of the two? Every time you begin a new relationship "it's just like starting over" (to quote John Lennon)! Your friends mean well...but they aren't going through this 'starting over' phase...YOU ARE!

If a new man becomes (sincerely) interested in you---not just in sexual way---then it's a good idea to be HONEST about your past, along with your future expectations. If you're expecting us to read your mind and 'dismiss your past'---some of us WON'T!

Here's something to think about.

If you can get up the courage to "be comfortable on your own" without benefit of a man's company...the odds of being without a man for very long...ARE VERY SLIM! Why not give your 'personal independence' a chance? Maybe for a half year or so? If you can do this...HUSBAND #4 will probably be classier, smarter, sexier and considerably kinder than the other 3 you've previously had!

Pianoguy