Win back guy when you broke it off

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Win back guy when you broke it off
62
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 4:43pm

I met a really super nice guy last summer and had a pretty hot and heavy quick relationship with him, but it was right after my marriage ended and because of that in Nov I broke things off and then we got back together for a couple weeks and I broke it off again---anyways months later I miss him and realize what a great fit we were together, but I was not emotional available to him. I would hope to get advice on how to win him back?

He has agreed to go to lunch with me in a couple weeks after an awkward phone call. I screwed up big even left him in florida in january because my emotions were crazy, but now that I went to therapy and been feeling great the past couple of months, and dating other guys I miss him.

Thank you for your time and advise!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 9:37pm
I am glad you are having lunch. Take this opportunity to lay your cards on the table, and tell him exactly what you said in this post. Don't be afraid of divulging too much information and be honest with him--that you guys met at a bad time for you, that you miss him, and that you'd like to see him again. Honesty is always the best policy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 12:12pm
I agree with mimijiminy, in this particular situation being completely honest is the best way to convey your emotions and hope to win him back. You have nothing to lose by being honest at this point. If he has never been divorced he may not understand how you were not emotionally available to him during the time you spent together. If he feels you are not grounded emotionally right now, don't be offended because that is what you displayed to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:19am

Thanks for your help….I have never been much a pursurer, but feels that he is worth it to me to give it one last try---I have an outline of telling him how great he is, apologizing, telling him that I miss him, how good he made me feel, and asking to start a clean slate (although, I don’t even know if he has a new gf or what)

He said last week that could do lunch may 31 at noon, I don’t want to be overly pushy, how/when would you go about contacting him?, would you just wait? My wrestle is that we work in the same company and I found out (this happened three months ago, but I only found out last week) that he put in a very good word for me about the project I had been working on and when I found out last week, sent him a handwritten thank you card (company is about 20000 employees so I never run into him unless I stop by his office)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 2:16pm

Hello confused,

Having read your thread here, first I agree with the others that your best bet would be to lay all your cards out on the table at this lunch and see what happens. It's not always easy t be honest in dating, but most of the time it's the cleanest way to go about a lot of difficult situations.

And as for contacting him, it might be prudent to have a casual dialog about your lunch later this week, especially since it's a holiday weekend. If you use Outlook or another program for scheduling, you might send him a meeting request for your lunch or maybe a quick email asking where he'd like to go. You know, something casual. I'd wait until later this week to send it though. If he put you off this long, I wouldn't think you'd want to push your luck by looking eager just in case.

Best of luck! You're very brave.

Holly

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 10:42am
So I had the dinner with him last night and took your advise and layed out all the cards on the table---in the beginning we had small talk, joking, and then we got to the serious stuff and I told him that I was sorry for a bit, what a great catch he is, that I wanted a clean slate. He said that he won’t hold any grudges and accepts my apologies, however, he doesn’t think if a clean slate would be possible, he did say at the end he still had feelings for me, but very unsure that he would want to open up that up further….we left with a friendly hug goodbye(which was awkward for me) and then I called him (I have never pursued a guy before like this as I am much more the pursuer) and asked for a second date and said that Sunday night would work for him….what good help/thoughts do you have?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 4:37pm
The fact that he still has feelings for you is a good start. I have never been in your position, so I don't think I can be of much help. You didn't do anything malicious to him, you just flaked out, so it is forgiveable. I think if you just stay consistent with your affection, love, kind words and actions he will see that you are reliable. He just doesn't want to invest emotionally in someone who could pull the ground out from under him again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 4:52pm

Snafu is right on the money here.

It's a good sign that he's willing to take a chance on you. Just be honest with yourself and him, and be cosistent with your efforts.

And have fun. :)

Best of luck to you!
Holly

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 12:12pm

I agree that it's in your best interest with him to be consistent in your words and actions, treat him with kindness and respect, honesty and forthrightness; at this point, you're going to have to prove your trustworthiness to him. I'd also suggest that while you do that and keep things going forward that way, you also respect his need to go slow and pace this out. You did do a bit of a number on him and try to think of how you'd feel in his shoes.

That said, he does sound like he's quite willing to give this a chance, so good luck and have fun on Sunday!

~~.: Sandra :.~~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 6:51pm

It's never fun being someone's rebound. Just be aware that he will be justifiably cautious and you don't want to make any promises you're not really going to be able to keep.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 6:52pm

so we ended up meeting for dinner last night and I am very confused---in the beginning we had some good old humor laughs then switched to some pretty difficult questions of me that we got through about the past nine months. I appologized several times and promised that it would be different going forward as I have taken a lot of time out for myself. He finally said at the end that he was willing to see what the future holds and one day at a time. He also said that the ball should definately be more in my court as to the next visit with one and another as I did ask for another date on friday and he hesitantly agreed. Then before we left the restaurant as we walked to each of our cars, he kissed me (I was completely shocked, stood there actually) got in his car and drove off...what does this mean? I left him a nice vm this am that I had a great time (which I have never done before as I usually wait for the guy to call me, but the ball being in my court) and have not heard anything back.

Thank you for all your help!

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