Win back guy when you broke it off

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Win back guy when you broke it off
62
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 4:43pm

I met a really super nice guy last summer and had a pretty hot and heavy quick relationship with him, but it was right after my marriage ended and because of that in Nov I broke things off and then we got back together for a couple weeks and I broke it off again---anyways months later I miss him and realize what a great fit we were together, but I was not emotional available to him. I would hope to get advice on how to win him back?

He has agreed to go to lunch with me in a couple weeks after an awkward phone call. I screwed up big even left him in florida in january because my emotions were crazy, but now that I went to therapy and been feeling great the past couple of months, and dating other guys I miss him.

Thank you for your time and advise!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 7:45pm

So what about his behavior confuses you? I know you feel he "hesitantly" agreed to Friday night - is that what bothers you? Since he is open to seeing where things go and kissed you, I would say it sounds good so far.

There is going to have to come a time where you stop apologizing to him. You put yourself in a position now of having to make up for how you previously treated him. If this relationship is going to take off...you both have to come back to equal positions within the relationship. I forget, has he said that say he forgives you yet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:15pm

Just confused as I prabably shouldn't be....he came after me pretty strong/lots of emails/flowers/wanting to see me----feels weird that I am the one asking all the time is my confusion, but I kinda understand at the same time as I am the one trying to get him back. That is it that I want the relationship the way it used to be and I am not used to being more of the asker/trying to create conversation.

Yes, he says he forgives me completely and completely agrees that I did not do anything maliciously, just a lot to let go/block out of his mind as he puts it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:03pm
You want things back the way they were...is that what is bothering you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:23am
Yes, Bingo:)! and they are not, but I guess I have to wait it out a bit more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:41am
Things will never be the way they were before. You are not the same people you were then.
That is not to say that it can't be better this time, but you have to start over, and try to build a new relationship. If you are holding onto the way it was and that is what you want, I think you will be dissappointed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 11:42am
Maybe you need to give it a bit more time, but you are going to need to tell him that you want things back the way they were, with him demonstrating love and affection. It is not fair for it to all come from you otherwise he leaves you in a position of constantly proving your love for him while he just sits and receives...not good. He initially told you that he cant' erase what happened and start fresh. But he did say he forgave you. Do you sense he is still in a place where he can't erase the past or has he opened up to you again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:33am
We had a good date on Friday and spent a good part of the day together---for me, it is just wonderful by how I feel that I can just be me around him, he listens to me, very mannerly (polite to people and open doors), and makes me laugh often (all the things that I look for)….he seems to very slowly be opening up as I saw him look at me a couple times like he used (all the time), it is just very slow and I know that I can definitely be impatient about things…before I just felt like he thought that I was the greatest catch in the world by the way that he looked and talked to me and told me constantly; now he seems a bit on the sad side when he looks at me---he even told me that it is a heart versus brain thing right now that his heart really wants it, but his brain is taking the reins. He did call me yesterday to schedule a date for Wednesday (which I see is a small baby step as I was the one calling before)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 10:30am
I think I already answered this but will add be sure of your own feelings - you don't want to mislead him and want out a 3rd time.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:13am

Actually, opposite---he has---I got scared----I was in such an unhealthy relationship prior to him that ended early last summer and I was scared that it could go that easy with a person as my last relationship was so difficult all the time(I checked myself into weekly therapy sessions for 07 and kind of went through three stages of it is ok to be a failure/not workout a relationship, then I got so mad at myself for allowing me to be in a relationship like that for all this time, then in end march I just wasn't mad at me anymore and just happy to have everything I have)---I mean with this gentleman we have so many common interests, I can tell him anything, he makes me laugh and smile all the time, he listens to me and makes me feel beautiful on the inside first and not look at me like I am just some pretty face, he notices and remembers the little things about me. He has my main qualities that I look for---kindness to others, very mannerly and respectful towards me, very funny/humorous, adventurous, and likes me for the inside and what makes me up

I did start going on different dates the past three months, wonderful dates and catches actually, yet I had no where near the chemistry that I had with this guy from talking to travels to caring about the society to little everyday humors. I realize that when I was with him it was bad timing on my end as I needed to process the above things fully which I have.

What do you mean by overly emotionally giving?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 2:09pm
Great news! Sounds like he is taking your actions seriously.

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