Win back guy when you broke it off

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Win back guy when you broke it off
62
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 4:43pm

I met a really super nice guy last summer and had a pretty hot and heavy quick relationship with him, but it was right after my marriage ended and because of that in Nov I broke things off and then we got back together for a couple weeks and I broke it off again---anyways months later I miss him and realize what a great fit we were together, but I was not emotional available to him. I would hope to get advice on how to win him back?

He has agreed to go to lunch with me in a couple weeks after an awkward phone call. I screwed up big even left him in florida in january because my emotions were crazy, but now that I went to therapy and been feeling great the past couple of months, and dating other guys I miss him.

Thank you for your time and advise!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 12:35pm

Okay, some parts of your post did not read clearly. Did he say that he cut everything off in regards to dating other women? It could be that he does not want you to go to that office party because maybe another woman is there who he either is interested in dating or is the one who he cut off and doesnt' want an incident or scene to take place.

So he likes you chasing him? I bet he does. But he needed to understand that it has to meet 50/50 where there is no chasing just two people being together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 1:43pm
Eek, you're not in control of this situation at all. He sounds like a jerk. Why do you want him so badly? I know it's hard, but you should move on because guess what... it sounds like you were totally right when you let him go the first time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 3:25pm
Why do you say that he is a jerk? From what parts of my post? I seem to be blind at the moment so any help would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 3:39pm

He did say that he cut everything off in regards to dating other women, confirmed it with me rather ticked off/aggressively. The comment that he made, "You are not going to start wigging out with my now are you?"-is confusing to me as I don't know which angle he took on it, when I asked him what he meant by it, he would not say anything. You are probably right that he may have been dating someone at work or rather a friend of his at the party. Is it wrong of me to ask those questions to him? Last year, he wanted to take me everywhere and to every hot spot in town. You know, I am just realizing that though he is creating very nice dates they are no where near where we work (which are the hottest spots to be at)….so do you think I push this or just let it be as far as the work party? I feel awkward asking why don’t you want me to go to the work party with you??

He originally forgot that I had to get my hair done from 5-7 and that is why he wanted me to stop at the one party with him from 4-6 then he would go to the work party from 6-10 (that is 30mins away) and be back at 10 ready to go out hardcore. Although now he is going to be back by 8 as I said that I would choose other options.

I feel like he is fighting it with himself that his heart really wants me, when we are together and on the weekends, but during the week he seems to get different (I know he is more stressed about his new job, but I wonder if it is something else). He did accidentally thank me for some chocolates last week (apparently dropped off at his office without a note) that I did not get for him and was shocked that they were not from me.




Edited 6/20/2007 3:43 pm ET by confused7772006
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:45am
For one, the whole work party thing is totally wack. I don't even get it. It's way shady. And if you're going to forgive someone and try and get back into an actual relationship with them, do it wholeheartedly or just don't get back into it. No point torturing the other person. Don't half forgive someone and keep rubbing whatever into their face. I'm talking about him to you. I guess I'm saying, you shouldn't be held hostage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:32am

I'm not sure what to say except that if it were me, I'd let him go.

The "wigging" statement had to do with the fact that he was seeing other girls at the same time as you, so he thought that if you heard the truth you'd wig out.

As far as the other work party, I'd say there has to be a romantic conflict as to why you are not attending. Like I said, this relationship sounds like it is getting too complicated and maybe you are better off exploring your other options.

He may like you very much, but his behavior is not something that you like anymore so why bother dating him? You can't force him to treat you like he once did - so why settle?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 11:39pm

Thank you for your help. Okkkk so yesterday felt like a one eighty as he called me a few times to confirm coupled to him being early and I was actually running late (he actually waited thirty mins while I changed)—then out to a great dinner and dancing with some of his friends into the wee hours of the night. He even called and left me a vm at work prior to my arrival this morning telling me what a wonderful time it was last night.

Tomorrow we are planning a day trip somewhere (he gave me a list to pack/winging it to somewhere). I am confused and feel vulnerable as I know he is having a great time when we are together, but I am just confused as to what he wants/what I want. I am so (I know fortunate) used to having guys chase me and tell me they want me as there gf and it is just weird not having that with him especially since I did have that once with him---am I wrong to have these feelings?, How long do people generally wait until they are bf/gf?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 6:25am
I don't think you're wrong at all. I dunno.. personally, I hate the pace of a relationship always being dictated by someone else. Not that *I* have to have all the control or whatever, but it needs to be mutual or at least back and forth somehow. I hate feeling like I cant say or do whatever I want or that I'm on *his* time, schedule or plan. I'm in that situation right now and I'm over it.
It's funny to me how people on the board always ask about time factors - how long do you wait to call, how long until bf/gf, how long until sex, etc... when the obvious answer is whenever the two people are comfortable! IMO, there are no/shouldn't be rules on time.. it could 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months..! As long as the feelings are mutual, the two people will always be happy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 9:15am
I agree with halle. Ideally, there shouldn't be any time limits and attempts to slow things down in a relationship are so artificial that you have to wonder if you are in a relationship or choreographing a dance routine. Like I have said before, I have never seen a woman navigate or control the pace of a relationship successfully. Men do it all the time and we bend every which way to accomodate that. I don't like it but it is the only system that seems to work. It is so not equal, but that is reality. I see that you are in a different position than you have been in in your life - in regards to men wanting you to be their girlfriend. That has to add to the anxiety of this situation. As far as my past experiences go, the guy usually knows pretty quickly where he is placing you in his life. It is just a matter of time before he communicates it to you. It just seems that things are very difficult between the two of you - like things aren't flowing. But that is based on the items in your previous posts. Did he go to that work party?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 3:45pm

Thank you for all your advice and help. He asked me a couple weeks ago to be his gf again and then we went to California to meet his family and had a great time. I admit that I am completely smitten for him and have fallen for him all over again in so many more exciting and new ways. I am scared that I am more into him than he is into me? When we are together away from work, everything is great/wonderful, but when I run into him at work it is much more awkward for me.

The problem or my issue is that we work in the same office building about forty floors/6000 employees and though we don’t run into each other much, when we do/often during the lunch hour and walking in the streets, I tend to act like an idiot/dumbfounded. I will immediately jump off my call on my cell phone just to wave and say hello, then look back a few times, and continue as I don’t want to interrupt his meetings. I am not like this with anyone else, but when I see him, I still get the butterflies and just feel that I act like an idiot. He of course, remains his calm professional self (which is not the guy that I fell for as he is so much different outside of work---funny, down to earth, excited to be with me)…How do I not act like an idiot when I pass him/drop everything to smile and say hello? More importantly, how do I get rid of these butterflies everytime I see him/I have never had these feelings before, but when I see him my mind immediately thinks about him.

He keeps telling me that he enjoys spending time with me, yet nothing more than that (for over a month now). How do you read that? I know I am impatient and it is definitely not a strong point of mine, what advice do you have so I don’t mess this up?

Pages