Women Over 30. Once and for ALL....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Women Over 30. Once and for ALL....
4
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:04am
Hi. I'm going to be 37 in January and the past four years of my dating experience has been foreign to me. I guess I want to get this straightened out or clarified for my peace of mind.

Ok. I've dated many guys in my lifetime and it was known (in my day and age) that the guy paid for the first couple of dates. He woos you. He wants to impress you; win you over. Obviously, this is if he likes you and hopes that there maybe a possible future relationship with you. After the initial dating and you get more into the bf/gf thing, it basically becomes dutch pretty much. Fair is fair. Well, the past four years of my dating...the guy immediately expects dutch. This leaves me feeling insignificant and like he doesn't think much of me. I feel resentful. I feel like these guys are totally tightwads and cheapskates and it makes me not want to see them again. I give them the benefit of the doubt on the first date cause it's usually from the internet and hey, they don't know me but if we go out again - c'mon man, make an effort! Granted, I prefer younger men so maybe it's just their age (I don't date under 30 though so they should know better).

Aside, from Doubleblade (I don't care for the constant alliterations) - What is your take on this? Women over thirty please. Thanks for your help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:42am
Hi, I'm a 33 year old woman and I'm kind of amazed that you have experienced this so many times. I've actually never had to go dutch on any of my first dates, I always offer to chip in on the tab but the guys have always refused profoundly (sometimes, on later dates, I may just buy some drinks, snacks or tickets to something just to feel that I'm giving something back, before he has a chance to protest, though).

It isn't a problem for me to pay, I certainly make my own money, but I must admit that I would be kind of dumbfounded if a guy had asked me to split the check after asking me out...It's just about being a gentleman. I would like to feel that he's trying to make a good impression on me and that he wants to treat me like a lady (that he kind of sees me worth "investing" in). I can see what you mean about the on-line dating thing (the first date), that's a bit different. But if he asks you out again, he should certainly be able to treat you to a meal and/or some drinks!

So, to state my opinion on this: I agree that these guys you've met come across as cheapskates and kind of un-gentlemanly. I think it's strange behavior, even though women are independent and have no trouble keeping themselves these days, some "rules" still do apply in the early courtship between men and women. At least the men who value this are the ones I'd want to date! Hope you find someone soon who breaks this pattern you've been experiencing :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 7:21pm
When a guy lets me pay my way on a date, there is no second date...if he can't afford to invite you for dinner, he should have invited you to starbucks or a walk. I've dated men much younger or my age and they always, always paid for dinner and drinks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 6:34am
I agree with the others --- the man should pay and if he doesn't then he is a social retard or a tightwad and not worth your time and effort. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 3:29pm
While I am not the most successful person when it comes to dating and relationships ( My last date was in September ) I definitely never experienced a man asking me out on a date and then asking me to pay my own way. I have dated men that range in age from my around my age ( 29 ) to much older than me ( oldest being 45 ) and I never had this experience. What I find is that older men are more prone to "want" to pay while younger men might certainly reach for their walletts but do so much more apprehensively.

If I were to constantly encounter men that did not want to make the possible investment of buying me a meal, or a movie, or hell even some alchohol, I would consider broadening my horizons and trying other avenues to meet men.

At 37, girlfriend you deserve at least a real date.

Good luck.