Women - Why?
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Women - Why?
| Tue, 07-13-2004 - 5:40pm |
Im a single, tall dark handsome, successful independent man. I have many girl/friends. The problem im having is that every one of them has at one time wanted me to be in a relationship with them. I cant see that, because i love being single and not looking for a relationship right now. They are aware of this. When they do know, the wont talk to me anymore. They wont call me or anything. Before, yeah they would call all the time and we'd go hang out and chit chat. But once i tell them, they 2 face me. Is there something i'm doing wrong??
Edited 7/13/2004 5:42 pm ET ET by alpha_male
Edited 7/13/2004 5:42 pm ET ET by alpha_male

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Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
These men act like they want to be friends with me, even when I tell them right from the start that I don't want anything romantic. They seem to think I'll change my mind, and in one recent case I had to be blunt and tell one friend that nothing romantic was going to come of our friendship. At this point, the guy will not call me or talk to me anymore. This has been happening since I was a teenager.
So all I can say is that it's human nature to be interested in a relationship with someone who has a lot to offer and when someone realizes that's not going to happen, they sometimes move on to the next. I have felt hurt in the past by this but all you can do is realize that the people who are worth having in your life will stick by you, and the ones who go away didn't see you as a whole person, only as a prospective date.
Also, one thing to keep in mind is that it's hard to be friends with someone that you have a crush on. Maybe these girls find it too painful to be around you when they realize that you don't return their feelings.
Bottom line though, it's flattering when someone expresses interest in you! Take it as a compliment!
-Lisa
There is nothing wrong other than you don't have anything to offer these girls in the way of a future. I have quite a few male friends like you, but I suspect they are much older. How old are you anyway? Handsome, huh? What do you like to do other than hang out and chit chat? I like your honesty. Oh, one more thing. How successful are you and do you like to share?
Edited 7/13/2004 6:19 pm ET ET by whitemonkey
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be single, some women want to be single. These are the women you should try to find.
Some women only want a FWB and companionship type of relationship. They are your cup of tea, search on, you will find them I'm sure.
And you may have to look at the way you DO tell them that you prefer to be single. Are you coming across as a nice guy or a slap in the face?
I dont tell them right off the bat. Its like if we go out clubbing, and im with 3 of them. They all compete for me, and it gets pretty catty between them. Some of them dont like eachother, and others do. I tell them when i feel they are trying to make it closer than just friends. Then i get this attitude, and they dont talk to me anymore when i tell them. Not even call. There are a few that accept the friendship zone, and they'll call once in a while. The others, i have to call them just to talk. Most of the time, i'll get voicemail and i'll leave a message. I wont call them again till they return my call. Most of the time they wont. All this happens after i explain friends. Before, they'd always call, and it can get pretty ugly. When i do call them, i may call 1 or 2 of them a month or so, not out of desperation. In my job, i meet new women everyday. It's kinda fun though!
Are you looking for friends or friends with benefits? Do you just enjoy dating or do you like dating and sleeping with these women- but no commitment? At 28 a woman is not usually looking for just friends in a guy she sees would be a good catch. You know you are successful and good looking, and you know you would be a good catch for a woman. But you don't want to be caught yet, and that's fine. But what kind of signals are you giving to these women when you do go out clubbing? Do you flirt with them and make them think you are interested in them? Or are you just polite and talk about politics.
If you're giving off the wrong vibe, you shouldn't be upset with them.
I could use more male friends like you :)
I guess they are just looking for potential and see a great catch so they move in. But because you are not willing to cross that line and are firm with them on that, they move on. They get the fact that you would not be persuaded into a relationship and since that is what they are intending, they drop you. Why bother if I know I'll never *talk* him into something?
Maybe you should evaluate where and how you do meet women. If most of them are met at clubs, and alcohol is involved, probably not the best situation for making just friends. Most people at clubs are on the prowl, even though it's not the best place to pick up a date. I think it's the alcohol factor...
Try meeting women in a less touchy feely environment.
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