Women - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Women - Why?
12
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 5:40pm
Im a single, tall dark handsome, successful independent man. I have many girl/friends. The problem im having is that every one of them has at one time wanted me to be in a relationship with them. I cant see that, because i love being single and not looking for a relationship right now. They are aware of this. When they do know, the wont talk to me anymore. They wont call me or anything. Before, yeah they would call all the time and we'd go hang out and chit chat. But once i tell them, they 2 face me. Is there something i'm doing wrong??


Edited 7/13/2004 5:42 pm ET ET by alpha_male

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 5:49pm
They want relationships - when they find out all you want is to date, ahng out, hook up - they're not interested in wasting time with you to pursue waht you want vs. what they want.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: alpha_male
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 6:10pm
You know it works both ways. I also fit into the same sort of category as you- I'm tall, thin, and I've been told that people find me beautiful. I also have a high-profile career. I am a kinda shy, one-man sort of girl and don't date very often. I do get asked out a lot but I usually tell guys that I'm only looking for friendship because it's a rare occasion that I will find someone intriguing enough to want to date.

These men act like they want to be friends with me, even when I tell them right from the start that I don't want anything romantic. They seem to think I'll change my mind, and in one recent case I had to be blunt and tell one friend that nothing romantic was going to come of our friendship. At this point, the guy will not call me or talk to me anymore. This has been happening since I was a teenager.

So all I can say is that it's human nature to be interested in a relationship with someone who has a lot to offer and when someone realizes that's not going to happen, they sometimes move on to the next. I have felt hurt in the past by this but all you can do is realize that the people who are worth having in your life will stick by you, and the ones who go away didn't see you as a whole person, only as a prospective date.

Also, one thing to keep in mind is that it's hard to be friends with someone that you have a crush on. Maybe these girls find it too painful to be around you when they realize that you don't return their feelings.

Bottom line though, it's flattering when someone expresses interest in you! Take it as a compliment!

-Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 6:12pm
You are a single, tall, dark, handsome successful man? I'll go out with you! No strings? No ties? How successful and handsome are you? I want to see your picture.


There is nothing wrong other than you don't have anything to offer these girls in the way of a future. I have quite a few male friends like you, but I suspect they are much older. How old are you anyway? Handsome, huh? What do you like to do other than hang out and chit chat? I like your honesty. Oh, one more thing. How successful are you and do you like to share?


Edited 7/13/2004 6:19 pm ET ET by whitemonkey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 6:40pm
You ask, "What am I doing wrong?" These women want to be in a committed relationship and you don't, it is that simple. I'm sure they like you maybe even love you, but you have a different agenda than they.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be single, some women want to be single. These are the women you should try to find.

Some women only want a FWB and companionship type of relationship. They are your cup of tea, search on, you will find them I'm sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 6:48pm
So you're not telling them straight out that you are happy as a single guy and only looking for a friend? That may be the *problem*. You are a good catch as far as some women are concerned and they want to pursue something with you. However, since you are not honest about YOUR intentions from the get-go, they move on and that hurts you. You'll be better off making friends if you're up front with all the girls you meet that seem to take an interest in you.

And you may have to look at the way you DO tell them that you prefer to be single. Are you coming across as a nice guy or a slap in the face?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: alpha_male
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 11:23pm
28 - realtor

I dont tell them right off the bat. Its like if we go out clubbing, and im with 3 of them. They all compete for me, and it gets pretty catty between them. Some of them dont like eachother, and others do. I tell them when i feel they are trying to make it closer than just friends. Then i get this attitude, and they dont talk to me anymore when i tell them. Not even call. There are a few that accept the friendship zone, and they'll call once in a while. The others, i have to call them just to talk. Most of the time, i'll get voicemail and i'll leave a message. I wont call them again till they return my call. Most of the time they wont. All this happens after i explain friends. Before, they'd always call, and it can get pretty ugly. When i do call them, i may call 1 or 2 of them a month or so, not out of desperation. In my job, i meet new women everyday. It's kinda fun though!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 12:38pm
So you do enjoy them all battling over you, c'mon admit it! :)

Are you looking for friends or friends with benefits? Do you just enjoy dating or do you like dating and sleeping with these women- but no commitment? At 28 a woman is not usually looking for just friends in a guy she sees would be a good catch. You know you are successful and good looking, and you know you would be a good catch for a woman. But you don't want to be caught yet, and that's fine. But what kind of signals are you giving to these women when you do go out clubbing? Do you flirt with them and make them think you are interested in them? Or are you just polite and talk about politics.

If you're giving off the wrong vibe, you shouldn't be upset with them.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: alpha_male
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 12:57pm
Well they are the ones who actually get touchy feely. I may hug them but thats it really. Nothing that im doing will give them that vibe that im digging them. Its like just being friends, like women who have lots of guy friends. I dont think im leading them on. I just like to date women. I have'nt had sex with any of my girl/friends because of the consequences of the friendship. I do enjoy them fighting over me =). Im not into one nighters
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:27pm
Weird.

I could use more male friends like you :)

I guess they are just looking for potential and see a great catch so they move in. But because you are not willing to cross that line and are firm with them on that, they move on. They get the fact that you would not be persuaded into a relationship and since that is what they are intending, they drop you. Why bother if I know I'll never *talk* him into something?

Maybe you should evaluate where and how you do meet women. If most of them are met at clubs, and alcohol is involved, probably not the best situation for making just friends. Most people at clubs are on the prowl, even though it's not the best place to pick up a date. I think it's the alcohol factor...

Try meeting women in a less touchy feely environment.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: alpha_male
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:34am
I have only met a couple in a club. i dont do the bar scene, and i dont drink. So i am aware of what im doing. The females drink a little, but not all drunk looking stupid. I meet women through friends, supermarket, gyms, the beach. Invironments where womens guards are not up like in the club and bar scenes. They same to be more open outside of the alcohol scene

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