Women - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Women - Why?
12
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 5:40pm
Im a single, tall dark handsome, successful independent man. I have many girl/friends. The problem im having is that every one of them has at one time wanted me to be in a relationship with them. I cant see that, because i love being single and not looking for a relationship right now. They are aware of this. When they do know, the wont talk to me anymore. They wont call me or anything. Before, yeah they would call all the time and we'd go hang out and chit chat. But once i tell them, they 2 face me. Is there something i'm doing wrong??


Edited 7/13/2004 5:42 pm ET ET by alpha_male

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 4:14am
Unless you're consciously leading them on, I don't see that you're doing anything wrong.

I've thought for a while before responding to your post, because I don't particularly feel the need to have people have a go at me, but this is my opinion, not a rule of thumb, so I'll tell you what I think.

I think since initial attraction is physical, you're obviously getting your fair share of attention. If you're upfront at the start about your lifestyle (love being single and free etc), most people will either accept that - and friendship - or not accept it - because they want more - and bail.

However, SOME women (and some men, for that matter) will say they're comfortable with just friendship, but they want more. Whether they say it to convince themselves or to convince you, who knows. But in the back of their minds, they'll be thinking that once you get to know them, you'll see how great they are and you'll change your mind about remaining single and want to date them. Never mind those who've gone before them and failed, there is something special about them that's magically going to change your mind.

But we all know that you can't change a person - they have to want to change themselves. So when you don't succumb to their advances, or don't fall miraculously in love, they get upset, embarrassed, want to show you how much you'll miss them, whatever, and halt contact.

Or it could simply be that they've recognised you're not suited and moved on, or that they don't think you click on a friendship level and move on. Someone who's thought they could have more with you than you're prepared to give is equally as unlikely to call you ((who wants more rejection?) as someone who just isn't interested in any form of relationship with you, friendship or otherwise.

If you're really not interested in any kind of relationship right now, perhaps revisit the places you socialise - try to hang with people who have more similar lifestyles wants to yourself.

Just my opinion.

Eve :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: alpha_male
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 11:19am
I totally agree.

If some of these women figure out that they will never *turn* you, why bother with more rejection?

Maybe you're just looking at this allllll wrong.

I know you enjoy when they fight over you, who doesn't? It makes you feel good about yourself. However, maybe you should be letting them know that they have hurt YOU by ditching on the friendship? Being honest with someone that you don't want to be in a relationship is one thing, but also being honest with them when they suddenly disappear could be a big help. These women may have to be called on their behaviour when they act like that. Eventually you may be able to stop this behaviour before it starts because you rewire what you say and how you act. Not that I blame you for their behaviour, but more that maybe you haven't said the one thing that makes them realize how childish they are being???

I hope that helps.

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