Wonderful date...huh...??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Wonderful date...huh...??
13
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:43pm
Hi:

I had a wonderful date with a very pleasant and attractive woman last night. I like her very much. I have dated many women and it is rare that I meet a woman I take to immediately. In fact, I have only once met a woman that I liked so much right away, and that was a long time ago.

I am 44 years old and this is the first time in my life I have met a woman, whom I actually believe could be "the one," upon initially meeting her. Isn't that wierd? She certainly seems to have all of the requisite characteristics in which I am interested, at first glance.

I enjoyed this woman's company very much and I am certain she enjoyed mine. We had a very pleasant evening which ended with some warm kisses and a suggestion on her part that we meet again (which I certainly would have suggested had she not), at which time we agreed to another date.

From the outset, I have had a unique feeling about this woman. So, On the way to see her I stopped in the city (San Francisco) and got a bouquet of flowers for her, along with some chocolates from Ghirardelli.

We had a nice dinner on the Bay, in a place she enjoys, drove to another charming place, again on the Bay (and again a place of her choosing, one she enjoys), for a cocktail, and we talked for a couple of relaxed hours.

When we parted company, we were both very "high" on the experience.

It took me over an hour to get home -as, she lives about that far away- and I honestly expected to find an email or a voicemail waiting for me, telling me what a nice time she had and expressing some appreciation for a pleasant evening.

To my surprise, there was none.

I must say, this has left me feeling cold; I am a bit insulted. I went out of my way to make our evening a nice experience. I brought flowers, chocolate for her, made sure we had a nice dining experience: I know we both had a nice time.

I am thinking that in the hour it took me to drive home, she could have taken a minute or two to send an email or leave me a voicemail, thanking me for a pleasant evening and saying she had fun...or something that confirms my experience with her (which would suggest that there is a momentum that we should recognize and direct). Am I expecting too much?

Normally, I would't be concerned, I just would not see her again; but I really like her, very much. I am also aware that it is foolish to expect things from people who do not know how to give them, regardless of how much you may like the person. I am not sure that this is simply a mistake or an oversight on her part and I am not willing to dismiss her so quickly because I do like her. However, I am certain that I would not pursue her much longer if this were to show itself to be a habit.

I would like to hear some opinions about this situation.

Thank you.

dh

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 4:17pm

Um...did she fail to say "thank you"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 5:06pm
I totally agree with Sheri. Traditional etiquette says the gentleman should be the one to call or write to thank a lady for a lovely evening, especially a first date. Add to that that there was kissing, and most women would be expecting the man to call the next day. (unless, as Sheri said, she never thanked you the evening of your date. I would consider THAT very rude of her).

It doesn't matter how much you spent, or whether you brought flowers or candy, etc., the etiquette is the same. She also would expect you to firm up your plans for the second date when you call or write. So, if I were you, I would hop to it! ... or she might think you are not as interested in her as you really are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 5:25pm
Yes, I think you were expecting too much. If she thanked you and told you she had a great time when you parted, then I certainly would not EXPECT her to email you within an hour of the date ending (or even that same day/night)! IMO the ball's in your court now to initiate another date (since she brought it up already). It sounds like your emotions are on a roller coaster -- "high" and ecstatic one minute and then PO'd and almost ready to dump her the next. Are you always like that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:17pm
Thank you everyone. I appreciate your perspectives and advice.

(boobeetrap -good name) This is not an emotional thing, it is an etiquette thing; but thank you for looking after my piece of mind.

You should all know that I received a wonderful email from her thanking me and telling me how much she enjoyed dinner and the flowers and chocolate.

We'll be talking later this evening and I'll be sure to firm up those plans.

Thank you again.

dh

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:44pm
Just a suggestion--next time, don't set such high expectations. It's one thing to want a thank you but it's another to expect it within an hour! :)

Keep us posted on how things go. Good luck.

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:26pm

I would still like to know if she thanked you at the end of the date.


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:59pm
That's great~ I'm glad for you and hope you have lots of fantastic dates with this young lady!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:31am
Actually, yes, she did, quite graciously and openly; she is, truly, a lady. And, I appreciated that. I thanked her as well.

But, that is not what my post is about. "Thank you" definitely was not my goal; that had been well covered.

If you re-read my post you'll see that I suggested it as a segue; "some reason," "any reason (if you will)" to let me know we had the same experience and that we had a momentum we should explore. I was talking about reinforcement of a good feeling and agreement for supporting an effort to move forward. I am talking about attempting to identify the existence of the personality components necessary to share the experience and those required to support a longer term relationship, should that become a possibility sometime down the road.

I'm a very simple guy. Okay, maybe that's not completely true; but I am me and that is a most excellent thing. And, I like her, very, very much.

This is an extremely unique experience for me. Liking someone as I like her, after a couple of emails, a phone call and a date?!; it is not a familiar experience to me. It usually takes me a while to warm up to someone -unless it's that raw attraction thing that we have all experienced at some point- but this is very different.

This has not happened in my life before. This person is very unique and I recognize that something very special may be happening here; I don't want to miss it; I want to be very cognizant of all of it, if it is what I think it is. I also recognize that it may be totally one sided and I *do not* want to allow unrealistic feelings or expectations to get a foothold.

Simply put, I just wanted to understand if that unique experience was mutual, and I was hoping that she would reach out and confirm the experience.

Too much to ask? Not if she is having the same experience. Or, absolutely too much if she is having the same experience. Or...%some other answer% that fits here. I am sure the answers are as varied as the people here, or anywhere.

That's why I wrote to get others' impressions. It is also why I was sure to write back and thank everyone, keeping them aprised of the situation, after having raised it in their minds.

Again, thank you, all of you. Especially you jilly73, your kind words have life, love and optimism in them, and I appreciate your joyous spirit.

dh

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:41am

Oh, good, I'm glad to hear she was courteous and thanked you before the date ended!


Given that she indicated her interest in another date while the two of you were together, it surprises me a bit to hear that you felt you needed MORE confirmation that she was very interested!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:02am
Maybe I'm just cranky today, but I didn't respond well when I read that you were thinking about not asking a woman out again because she didn't contact you an HOUR after the date. Conventional wisdom, at least as I'm aware of it, has most men feeling pressured at the thought of receiving such a call. So....

Since I'm not the expert on what is right or wrong, I can only suggest that you try to broaden your understanding of the range of expectations men and women have of each other while dating.

I'm guessing that your set of expectations might possibly put you into the high maintenance category? If you really like her so much, maybe you can try to cut her some slack.

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