worker or slacker

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
worker or slacker
3
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 9:41pm
I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months..he has not been on a payroll for over a year and has started his own business. But his business is not picking up and he missed the deadline for the phone book.. so he has to make a lot of cold calls. I have supported him by making flyers and getting his books in order.. he had a big job in April, but hasnt worked but a couple of jobs since.. and does not have but 2 schedules for June. He is very talented in many areas...and can do lots of thing and has helped me fix things of mine.

He has a sleeping disorder and can fall asleep at the drop of a hat if he sits too long. He has been going out about one or two times a week looking for work.. but doesnt seem overly motivated...He has a motorcycle he works on until early morning hours..and he has borrowed money from his parents at least once that I know of. I think sometimes his priorities are mixed up....like buying things for his motorcycle and not saving it for bills. If we go out I usually foot the bill....but he has never asked to borrow money from me...

This issue has really bothered me.. but I dont want him to think that I am shallow if I say something to him.. but what do I do?? I cant con't to keep paying for everything...and he is in his mid 30 so he should know what he wants to do with his life...

I mentioned about looking in the want ads.. and he said he doesnt want to have to drive to the city to work because of his sleep disorder....and I think he likes the idea of being his own boss....

Any advise is appreciated...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
In reply to: kitt30
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 10:04am
Hi…

You are to good and loyal to him. I think you deserve better. A woman’s love is based on the security a man can offer her. You will find that if a guy go out of his way to treat you and he gives you this hugged present or surprise. It is as if you have this extra feeling for him.

You cannot change it because you are a woman. In a relationship like this you will start to loose interest in him. As time passes by you will start to have less respect for him. And in a period of time you will have no relationship left in any case.

If I was you….Close the tap immediately and say that you do not have funds any more. You are falling behind with your accounts because you need to support him.

Or tell him that your parents have a problem you need to help them for a few months and you cannot help him any more.

Put him in the situation that he just needs to dig up his own support. Stay at home and just do not go out. Tell him there is just no money.

He will quickly make a plan….

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
In reply to: kitt30
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 10:19am
He is an adult.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kitt30
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 10:25am
Look, you're focused on the wrong thing.

Everything he's doing...he wants to do it, by his values it is right to do, and it's getting him the results he wants to get.

Instead of sitting there going - here's what you could do, here's what you should do, here's what is an option for you to do, here's what most people would do....with him....do this.

Assess the facts...the man doesn't work, he doesn't handle his business successfully (in terms of getting paperwork done so that he can succeed in business, and he has no desire to go out and work as evidenced by his refusal to do so. He's got no problem living with you and off you ad infinitum because that meets his needs and standards.

It's not about whether that is right or wrong, or whether he's got a sleeping disorder or not..and it's certainly not about what you can change in him to get what you want.

It's as he is...right now...does it meet your needs and standards? If he does - stop nagging and start enjoying your life with him.

And if he doesn't - let him go back to his parents, work on his motorcycle all night, stop living off your dime and wasting your time.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com