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| Sun, 12-05-2004 - 11:59pm |
Hello there, I'm writing this in order to gather others opinions so that I can decide whether or not to break up with my fella. The feedback I've been getting from my male friends is "no big deal" "You're over-reacting". Maybe thats what I don't want to hear because my heart is telling me otherwise (yes, yes, I should follow my heart, but just curious as if I'm expecting too much).
OK, I've been in an exclusive relationship with my fella for almost 2 years. After six months it became a long distance relationship, which is just insane as anyone can tell you who's been through it. When we're together, it's golden. When we're not, I'm totally unhappy. But lately it seems that I am the only one holding things together. I feel like our relationship is being held by bubblegum and straw. It is abolutely imposible to get a hold of him. If he says he'll 'call me tomorrow', it turns out to be a week later, after I've tried to call him in the meantime. That's how it started. I haven't talked to him in over a month now. His phone is turned off due to his unfortunate financial circumstances. But it seems to me, or if I were in his position, that if I lived with roommates like he does, he couldn't ask them to spare some of their nights and weekend minutes just for a few? You know, enough to say "Hey, can't talk long, but wanted to call". Ok, not a solid argument. But I have to stress that it's me always me trying to get a hold of him.
So we have email, he doesn't respond to that either. Under normal realtionship circumstances I don't need phone or email communication, but considering this is all we have, a month is a long time for me. But here's the kicker, and again, my male friends don't see the complaint. This past week I was in a car accident. Luckily no injuries, but my car was totaled, and I was in it while it was spinning, so it was kind of an issue for me. Most people; friends, relatives, even acquaintances have had some sort of response upon hearing about it. I got nothing from my boyfriend. No response, no concern. That kind of bothers me. Unfortunately I had to be unpersonal and email the news, to which I know he read days ago. So not hearing any sort of "Are yo OK", or even a "That sucks" really upsets me and puts things into perspective. It really seems that he just isn't into this relationship anymore, and that it's really hurting me that I'm the only one putting effort into this whole thing.
So, your opinions. Am I just too high maintenace expecting too much from my boyfriend or is he just over us?
Many Thanks.

My vote? Drop him. Any person (notice I didn't say man) that is so unresponsive during a time such as when you've had an accident isn't worth beans in my book. Now couple that with the fact that he's been distant--Strike out.
Trust your guts. If they're telling you to move on, start walking.
Good luck.
The most positive spin I can put on what your male friends are telling you is that they are trying to protect you by not being honest with you. Either that, or they are really clueless about r'ships!
Not hearing from your bf for a month is not a positive thing. It sounds like he wants out of the r'ship, but is too cowardly to tell you, so he's hoping that he can just fade away without having to actually break up with you.
I'm very sorry to hear about your car accident. How awful for you that he couldn't even respond to your email. You deserve much better.
Sheri
Bellina sends greetings! So sorry about your car accident and thank goodness you've
sustained no bad injuries,but emotional scars can remain.I had a horrific auttoaccident
20 years ago,and my friend was driving,car was totaled,I was in passengers(death seat),
front mirror was lodged in my head,nearly losing an eye,broken sinusandcheekbones,broken knee,and severe head trauma.At this point I thanked God every day for surviving,grew stronger in my Christianity,etc.Til present refuse to own anything but a large auto(as I was in an old 75 Toyota,just lapseatbelts).Anyway,as far as your fellow,he seems very aloof,distant and afraid of commitment,perhaps? After being with someone for couple of years,he has serious issues and doesn't seem able to get his own life in order.You said he's had his phone disconnected and financial problems? Perhaps due to financial issues,and other problems he's wanting to hide is what's hindering phonecalls,emails,etc.Despite the hurt you're feeling,distance yourself until he gets
his life in order.If he values you,and settles his issues,not yours then I'd meet him.Only to see if there's anything worth salvaging,and if not find someone responsible
and unafraid of commitments to be in a loving relationship .You appear a very nice,intelligent,mature lady who deserves someone better,in all aspects! Best wishes,Bellina
Sorry for your troubles.
If you tell someone (a friend, family or boyfriend)taht you were in a serious car accident and they don't even respond, then they are not worthy of anymore of your precious time. That is disrespectful, inconsiderate and rude.
If you feel as if you're not getting any effort from his side.. You shouldn't put yourself through the stress of trying to balance the relationship by yourself. I was in your similar situation, and after awhile I got fed up with me always having to call.. or the relationship always being dependent on me. It's not worth it. You need someone who will put the time and care into a relationship with you.
You deserve someone that will put as much and even more effort into the relationship as you do. There's lot of great men out there who would be willing to do that for you.
Good luck! :)
Drop this man! He does not deserve any more attention from you. Him not responding to your email regarding your accident is just plain rude and inconsiderate. I was involved in a very minor accident, all my friends called me to see if I was okay even though nothing happened to me and my car was still driveable! They told the guy I was seeing about it because we had mutual friends and he called ASAP even though again he knew I had nothing.
EVERYONE knows its a very upsetting and scary situation when you are in accident, no matter how minor it is! EVERYONE knows you nerves and mind are a little bent out shape. This is very telling about his feelings for you. Also he could a PAY PHONE to call you!!
Please listen to everyone here and don't let him occupy any more of your thoughts. He doesn't DESERVE them...and I'm very sorry to hear about your accident as well.
GOOD LUCK!!!
Thank you all for your responses. You've pretty much validated what I've been thinking/feeling.
Now...I just need to get ahold of the bugger to break it off...!
Many Thanks
postpro,
You are absolutely insane if you think that you're asking too much of him! Long distance relationships are not that bad but, communication is the cornerstone to any relationship.
If he can't even show you the interest of a simple convo. much less to see if you're okay from a major accident! I think you already know what to do in this situation, but your connection with him, maybe in your heart, just isn't ready to let go. It's not a matter of follow your heart but your brain. I'm sure you are smarter than that, to know when something is no longer legitimate. If you have been trying to "keep the bubble gum in tact" now for over a year, I'm sure he has already found some one to be there for him physically. And honestly, you should move on too! Maybe keep in touch on a friendship basis. Something you should have done from the begining.
There's my input. Now, I would appreciate your input on my situation. Thanx:)