Would this be a dealbreaker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Would this be a dealbreaker?
12
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:24am

Well, on my fifth date with M, we got a little hot and heavy, but not intercourse. During the course of our date I was sort of feeling on 'the fence' about him and then later when we got a little intimate I found out that he has a VERY VERY VERY small penis. The smallest one that I have ever encountered and he is such a big guy...why would God create such a small penis on a man that tall and broad?!?!?! Anywho, I felt very strange because it was so small I felt like it was a child's penis. So, now what do I do?

I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn't have sex with a guy until we had a committment. But now, I don't know if I want to commit to this guy unless I know I could enjoy sex with him. I just don't know how possibly I could feel it, it's not much bigger than a super size tampon.

I've heard that size doesn't matter, but I think to me it does. This might just be a dealbreaker for me. Sorry, I know that sounds shallow, but it's how I feel. I also must say, that I am almost positive that he was fully erect because my friends have suggested that he may not have been. But, I am pretty sure he was.

Help!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:31am

Yes, it would be a very big dealbreaker for me. Obviously you can be satisfied with other forms of sexual intimacy but I wouldn't be prepared to go through life not being sexually satisfied through intercourse.

I am sure some women will feel differently.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:41am

Honestly, I think that would be a turnoff for me too. Makes me feel horrible...but I also would not want to go through life being sexually unsatisfied.

But then again, maybe he can work magic with it. Maybe he's learned to compensate? This is a tough one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 12:16pm

Actually I stopped dating a guy for the same reason. A satisfying sex life is very important to me and I did not want to get involved with a man realizing I would be giving up something so important.

If I were already in love with a man and for some reason our sex life was lost due to an illness or accident or something, that would be a different story. But if you are on the fence right from the beginning, why bother pursuing this relationship? There are many other men to choose from.

As for size doesn't matter, it does matter to most women. But I think we should keep that sentiment to ourselves. We say, 'size doesn't matter' because it would be too hurtful to some men to hear otherwise. I don't think women should go around announcing hurtful things to men if the men can't do anything about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 12:41pm
wow...that is small! it reminds me of an episode from "sex and the city" where the character samantha waited to have sex for the time with a man, she fell in love and when it finally came time to being intimate, he was very small as well. She was confused as to what to do since she really loved him but to her having a fullfillig sex life was also important. I think once you are intimate with him you will know your answer. I have heard that some men who are small can also be very creative :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 12:32pm

I know where you're coming from, yes, it is a shame that you liked the guy, but now you are sitting on the fence because you know this will not turn you on. It happened to me once, but the only difference is that the guy was short so I guess it came with the package. But to tell you the truth, after the second time we did it, he tried to be so sexy standing up in front of and me trying to grab his tiny penis that it turned me off completely. He kept on trying to turn me on but that ultimately turned him off and he went limp. I guess he sensed my emotion and he could not get it up again. I left and he tried to meet with me again, but I always had excuses. A great sex relationship is important to me, and I have to feel I get turn on just thinking about him, not dreading I will not feel a thing, then why have it?

You are not being shallow, it's just your liking and choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 3:56pm

Thank you all very much for your input. I feel much better. I am still unsure on what to do. I enjoy spending time with him, but I don't really want things to get serious. How do I bring that up? Do I even bring it up at this point? He asked me out for this weekend again, we didn't make definite plans yet, but I don't have much going on so I figured I'd go out with him one night. I don't know if I want him to sleep over again. How do I tell him that? He has like a 45 minute ride from my house and since I let him sleep over last weekend, I am afraid that he'll expect it now. Part of me just wants to lay it out there and tell him where I stand (of course leaving the penis situation out). But I guess it's too soon....right? I'd rather not lead him on. I am just so confused.

Ugh.

Thanks again.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:23pm

If you've decided that you are NOT interested in him romantically and would rather be platonic friends with him, then yes, you owe it to him to tell him where you stand (would YOU want to be lead on?). If you're unsure but think there is still a possibility of becoming involved with him, then I would see him again this weekend but let him know when you make your plans that you'd prefer to slow things down and not have him stay over this time.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 9:02pm
Hi...my suggestion is, maybe you can make it like a noon date instead of a night date. That way he wouldn't feel like he can stay the night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 11:52pm

I agree with the others ... you're not being shallow. It's your preference, your choice, nothing wrong with that.

However, you've already been intimate enough with him to know this "detail" ... basically, if you've got to third base with a guy, he's gonna want to 'round it home, probably sooner than later.

You could request slowing things down ...but, you already know that his small wee isn't going to turn you on, why prolong the inevitable by continuing to enjoy his company? Personally, I think that would just be giving him some hope that, if he continues to see you, that's he's gonna get to "homebase" ... if you already know that that isn't really what you want.

Now, if you do wanna take the chance, and find out ... he may surprise you. In which case, I'd say ... do it sooner than later. At least you'll know and you won't be leading him on.

BUT ... if you do take this chance, and find out that the sex wasn't all that good ... just know that, if you break up with him AFTER the act ... that he's probably going to know that it was the sex ... and if you don't want him to think it was about the sex ( I mean, the guy doesn't need that kind of blow to his ego, he's surely already aware of his size)... you'll probably have to keep seeing him ... and figuring out ways to put off the sex ... ok, so ... you can see how this can get convuluted ... which is why, personally, I wouldn't go this route. I'd end it prior to it getting that far again.

Basically, is it worth it to find out? The sex might be GREAT ... or it might be lousy ... but, if you're already having your doubts about it, it's probably not worth adding a notch to your belt, just to find out. But, that's just what I would do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 4:08pm

I have a couple of comments. Firstly, if you really like the guy I think it’s probably worth trying him as a sexual partner before writing him off completely because you never know for sure. And although this will be tougher on both of you as you grow closer and it’s more likely that he will know why you have ended the relationship isn’t it even more unfair to not give the guy the chance.

My second point would be to always listen to your body. I was in a similar position once. I had started dating a really great guy and wanted nothing more in the world than for the relationship to work. Unfortunately, the sex was horrible. Mostly because he was tiny, but also because he was very insecure about it. I tried to convince myself that I was just being shallow or that it didn’t really matter but in the end it did and I did something that definitely isn’t one of my proudest moments, which was to have an affair. This is the only time in my life that I have ever done this and still regret it. Obviously, I should have broken up with him first. When we were dating he would always ask me if his small size bothered me or suggest that I might be able to have more frequent and more intense orgasms with a larger man. Ultimately, I took him up on his thoughts and cheated with his boss (we both worked for the same company) who was known around the office to be hugely endowed. While the experience cured me of any thoughts that I had that ‘size didn’t matter’ it ultimately was a painful experience for my boyfriend as we were careless enough to get caught redhanded. Once again not one of my proudest moments but I can say I have learned a lot from it and would encourage no one else to make the same mistake I did. Don’t feel shallow, just know your body and accept it.

Penis size is now definitely a dealbreaker for me, as I think it is for many/most women (although what size is the cut-off will vary hugely). The important thing is to find out what is right for you and determine if he has enough to give you everything you need in a relationship.

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