Would this be a dealbreaker? update.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Would this be a dealbreaker? update.....
7
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:08am

Hi All,

Thank you very much for your input and support. Well, I haven't seen M since that last date. He had wanted to get together over this past weekend, but I returned his call and left him a voicemail telling him I was unable to get together. If I had gotten him on the phone at that time, I had planned to tell him that it wasn't working. At least, I hope that I would have had the courage to tell him. I purposely turned off my cell phone after I left him the voicemail just so I didn't see it when he called me back. Which he did and left me a voicemail, said that I was hard to get a hold off. Also said that he was disappointed because he wanted us to get together with his brother and sister-in-law for her birthday. He then said that I could call him back if I wanted, no big deal...so I didn't call him.

I know that I am totally avoiding the situation and feel ashamed of myself. The right thing to do is to tell him directly that I no longer want to continue dating him. But, to be honest, I am hoping that he gets the hint and realizes that I am no longer interested. I know that's wrong and I am mad at myself...I feel just awful about this. I've been treated this way in the past, guys just fading away and never saying why...etc. I so don't want to be that type of person, but I am having a hard time...I just don't want to hurt him.

Well, thanks again.

Pers :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 12:06pm
I have read your story and this guy seems to be a nice guy from what you write. I hope you can find it in your heart to tell him simply that its not working out. Just tell him you don't feel a spark anymore. I think he deserves an explanation. Its not his fault he was born a certain way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 1:17pm

If telling him to his face that the two of you aren't a match then you can always leave him a voicemail when he isn't home.

Although it isn't the most above-board thing to do it at least he isn't wondering what happened or constantly calling you. Sometimes men can get rather nasty when you break things off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2000
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 1:28pm
There's no shame in breaking up with a guy if he is not well endowed. Small guys deserve to be alone.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 4:25pm

Do the right thing and at least send him an email. And yes you should be ashamed of yourself...you know how crappy it is to be on the receiving end of this...it's SO much MORE hurtful to do the fade than it is to cleanly and clearly let the other person know that you are not interested in pursuing things further.

Be an adult...just do it and get it overwith.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 4:30pm

Hi Everyone,

Thanks again for your support and input. I told M that I just didn't see that spark and hoped that we could be friends....etc. He responded very nicely. He said that the past couple of weeks he had thought he was leading me on too. He said that he isn't looking for anything serious, just someone to have fun with and wasn't looking to settle down for like 4 or 5 years or so. Not sure why he brought all that up because I never mentioned anything in regard to getting serious with anyone, including him. I had told him I was interested in a casual sort of friendship with him.

Anyway, I am glad that it went really well. He's doesn't seem hurt in the least bit and said that he wants to be my friend. The only thing that concerns me is that my instincts must be way off...because I totally thought he was really into me and looking for something serious. Then again, I didn't ask him, just assumed it. But, my gut has to count for something.

Thanks again!

Pers :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 4:39pm
he probably was looking for sometghing serious, but do you think he will tell you that after you dump him? not likey...its like saying I didn't want you either to save face.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 4:42pm

Good, I'm glad you got that out of the way.

As for what he said, it could have been just his way of saving face, as the other poster said, or it could be that your gut was *partly* right...that he WAS into you, but only for a fun fling, not for an LTR. That's why I always *ask* about what type of relationship someone is looking for, rather than assuming.

Sheri