Would it be wrong to contact him first

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Would it be wrong to contact him first
3
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 8:27am
Hey all- Im hoping that i can feel better after i write this and I hear from you all- I have a situation and its been bugging me for a while now. Here my story- I work at a restaurant and I met my boss's brother (he's 34 and Im 27) in July. He never met me before until then and seemed intrested in meeting me- Since July I haven't stopped thinking about him-Since the first time he met me he started coming around for lunch on Saturdays (I only work on Saturday Lunchs) I started coming around more on weekends cause he goes to Karoakee at our bar. So ive been hanging around and we have been having conversation- But he hasn't made a move or asked me out. There def has been times and I really would like to get to know him more-

The thing is I am starting a new Job on the 8th of november so this weekend would be the last time for now that I would be working at the restaurant and being able to have the time to come around and see him. I don't have his phone number but it is listed in the white pages. I wanted to call him and ask him to a football game this weekend the 7th. I have Giants tickets on sunday and I really want to go with him. I am so nervous about calling him- a because im looking up his number so he may be a little weirded out about that and b i don't want to get rejected. Does anyone have any idea? Im thinking about calling him today sometime and Im hoping that he won't be home so i can leave a message. Any insight would be helpful on how to do it and what to say- You all are the best- I love this site- T
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:53am
I would not call him. I would recommend that book, "he's just not that into you". The book tells you to not do things like track down a guy's number and call him. He's in his 30's and knows how to ask a woman out. If he was really interested in you, he would have asked you out. He probably thinks you're cute, but he isn't exactly going for it. I'm sure you've been friendly. He would have to be clueless to not know you're interested.

If you looked up his phone number and called him, he might think it was weird. If you asked him out, he might be flattered and go out with you, but the foundation isn't there for a lasting relationship. It's true, men prefer to pursue. I have gone out of my way in the past to get a guy to go out with me, all of the those relationships were brief (maybe a few dates). None of them turned into boyfriends or a love situation.

I'm going to follow the advice of the "he's just not that into you" and let a man pursue me the next time around. It will happen.

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anonymous user
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 4:11pm
I read the book, "He's just not into you" myself. I must say, I agree whole heartedly.

For one, it was everything my mother used to tell me growing up, but somehow I forgot about until reading this book.

You can ask him out, and he'll probably say okay out of sheer politeness. However, that would probably be the end of it.

I think if you're friendly and open enough to him and he's still not taking bait and hasn't asked you out, then forget it, he's not interested enough. He may find you pretty and charming but maybe not worth pursuing a relationship with.

I've been there. I've even told myself this is the modern days and we can ask men out and I did. He accepted politely and after we went out, sure enough, I never heard from him again. I was confused but told myself later, that if he were really interested, he never would have let me get away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 8:02pm
Maybe the reason he hasn't asked you out is because you work for his brother? For that matter, because you work for his brother, he DOES have a way to get in touch with you if he's REALLY interested. Right? So, unless you get up the nerve to ask him in person, start your new job, and see if he should look you up.