Would you marry a man before sleeping...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Would you marry a man before sleeping...
6
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 6:43pm

Would you marry a man before sleeping with him?



  • Yes
  • No
  • No opinion


You will not be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 7:53pm

Personally I wouldn't. Sex is an extremely important part of marriage and if we don't gel on that level as well, I'd have a hard time with it.


Is this something you're considering?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 10:09pm
It has always been my intention to wait for marriage. That does not mean sex is not important - but it is not something I would base a marriage on. Too many people get sex and love mixed up and that is one reason why so many marriages fail. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 10:16pm

Hi Iri,


I commend you on waiting. For me, sex was one of the things that led to the dissolution of my marriage. I learned a lot during that timeframe, hence my stance.


Mind you, I'm not advocating that someone should lose their virginity just for that. I guess being on the other side of it, I just think it's a chance I wouldn't take. :o)


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 7:00am

My first husband wasn't in any hurry at all to have sex. Turned out it was because he simply didn't like it, or at least he didn't like it with a partner. That's one of the biggest reasons we ended up divorced.

You better believe I thoroughly checked out sexual compatibility before I got married to my current husband.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 10:29am

For me, I find it difficult to sustain emotional intimacy in the absence of physical intimacy.

The one time I agreed to wait, it was because my then-fiance wanted to wait. I didn't. But I conceded and decided to wait. Well, after the wedding, on the honeymoon, he blamed it on me - he told me that (the ONLY) night I got drunk was the night that he'd wanted to have sex. Then we went home. No sex. It went on and on and when I asked him why, he'd turn it on me and put me down and say things like "you don't keep the house clean - how can I be attracted to you when you don't take care of the house?" and so on and so forth.

I was young, stupid, too ashamed to tell anyone what was going on, so what did I do? I tried to keep the house nicer. I tried to do the laundry more often. I tried to cook nice dinners. I tried to go out when I didn't want to. I tried to keep my opinions to myself when with company so as not to "embarass" him. And on and on some more until I stopped asking why. After all, who wants to hear what a sucky wife you are?

Then after 2 years (yes, TWO years) of no sex, I figured out that I needed OUT. It took me another year to figure out how to do it on my own (I had a child too that wasn't his, so I really needed to plan) and to get the divorce.

1 month after our divorce was final he wrote me a letter (that I still have) telling me how sorry he was for the way he treated me, and that he's gay.

So I probably have some baggage due to that, but the bottom line is that I never realized just how important that aspect of a relationship is to me until I had to go without.

Just me $.02.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 1:54pm

That's such an important facet of a relationship I wouldn't want to seal the deal without sampling the goods!

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