Wow am I STILL Haunted By This Ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Wow am I STILL Haunted By This Ex?
2
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:43pm
Ok guys and gals I've been very depressed the last few days not only with my career (I just got fired for posting my anonymous resume on Monster in an effort to find a 2nd job) but also with my personal life. This year has been total hell for me in the dating department and, since January 1, 2004, I've dumped 6 men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most of you who have been following my posts this year may be very familiar with this one particular Ex of mine - the one whom I truly believe I was in love with and who probably knew it because he basically took advantage of me and strung me along for a terrible ride. And when I finally mustered up the courage to dump him back in March 2004, he sent a twin/relative of sorts to pour salt in my open wounds. :-( I swear to this day that this Ex sent his relative or best friend to date me in an effort to *get back at me* or something . . . . . . . .

Well I've tried everything from keeping busy, engaging in hobbies (that I can afford), hanging out with friends, to writing numerous threads to you (writing is a form of therapy for me). The writing has helped tremendously, especially all the sound advice I received from all of you (thank you). However, I can't say that I've never relapsed or stop thinking about this particular Ex almost everyday.

I don't know if I posted this story on here but I called that Ex back in August. At that time, I haven't seen nor heard from that man in 5 months and I was so emotionally weak at that point and I guess I just wanted closure or answers. Well we spoke like old times that week and it was almost as if he was waiting for me to call. He was so glad to hear from me. We even made tentative plans to meet later that week but, at the last minute, he became ill. A sent him an IM a week later but he never responded . . . . .

Well anyway you know how people say to read those old letters/posts about your Ex to remember of all the hell you went through with that person and to help you to move on? Well I tried to do just that - read all those old threads and letters about that Ex. And guess what? I couldn't read past the title! I even tried to read the break up letter I sent to that Ex via email and I couldn't read anything past his name in the recipient line. :-( So how on earth am I going to get this Ex out of my system if I can't even confront what happened and read those old emails and posts?!!

I think the reason I fell so hard for him is because he is very similar to my very first boyfriend from 10 years ago! Although I'm well over my first boyfriend with whom I also dumped, it took me 4 years to get over that breakup. I sure hope it doesn't take that long to get over this Ex because I seriously believe he is affecting my ability to move on in my personal life. I dumped 5 men since breaking up with that Ex.

Your advice and comments are greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 6:58am
Hi! I feel for you!

You know I have the ONE EX that is still with me in my heart as well. Allthough I have closed the door on it, I do wonder about him at times. Sometimes I want to call him, talk to him however I won't do that.

I believe that when we think about a special ex, we want that wonderful feeling back, you know , when it was all good.

You seem to have had a lot of bad breaks however , we all do as human beings.

This has nothing to do with anyone else but you. Everything that you THINK about is directly controled by you. That means, you need to retrain your thoughts because your thoughts become your actions.

Most of the time you can do this alone however if you feel you can't, seek help.

Learn to love yourself and respect yourself. Sure people say, oh but I do, most people truly do not knowhow.

We really do not need a partner to make us happy. That is the biggestmyth on this earth, made up by society.

When you can truly make yourself happy and truly love yourself, only then can you have a healthy partnership with a healthy person. Everything else is simple wrong!

So start byloving yourself and do some inner work.

I wish you luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 8:48am
Thank you pretty. But that saying *Be Happy With Yourself* is very elusive. How do you even begin the process?