the wrong question

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
the wrong question
2
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:39pm
I have met this guy that is amazing, especially for a guy living in Utah. He's not mormon which is a miracle in itself. But he also drinks in moderation, doesn't smoke, he's sweet, he's smart, he knows exactly where he's going in life, he's open minded, he's shy in an extremely attractive way, he's single, strait, and he's interested. I want to be interested as well, but I'm still not sure. But that is beside the point.

I am one of the many people of the world who couldn't tell if a guy was strait or gay if my very life depended on it. Most of the time, I don't have to know how to tell, because I have a few friends who will tell me. One surprisingly enough is just really good at telling, and the other is a gay guy who's been around the block and therefore knows about quite a few. He's ruined quite a few moments for me. But at least I knew so I didn't make a complete fool out of myself among other things.

Anyway, part of the reason I can never tell is I never really think about it. It just doesn't cross my mind. But when a friend of mine got into the habit lately of telling me about all the beautiful men she encounters who turn out to be gay, it made me worry. Under my logic, if they are gay I don't care, but I would like to know so I don't waste my time becoming interested in them and make a complete fool out of myself. That of course led to wondering about this particular guy. I wasn't about to ask him, and I'm not stupid enough to ask a female friend of his who might just be interested as well and turn it against me for the hell of it. So I asked a guy I know he is friends with, and he told me he wouldn't say anything, even though he's now been laughing at me for it for the past week or so. But two days later, I come to find out he told in the form of giving his friend a bunch of guff about it. He then tried to tell me that this guy had guessed and it wasn't his fault, a bad lie.

When he asked me about it, I could tell he felt really embarassed among other things about it, because he thought he'd given off some kind of indication that he might be gay. He flat out asked me why I thought he was. We got it all cleared up now, but at the time, I was caught completely off guard by all of it. So after we did, he was searching for an invitation to come over or something, and I was still not sure of what to say to the point that I didn't extend the invitation. It was a horrible thing to even wonder about, especially considering I'm not even entirely sure how I feel about him yet. Moreover, by some miracle of nature, he's still interested. So I still feel really bad about the whole thing and want to make it up to him. I need some ideas on how though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:06pm
Consider that he's not so much interested in you as he is interested in proving to you how straight he is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 2:20am
i know! you can sleep with him so he can prove to you he's not gay! that's a brilliant idea.... he'll play upon how bad you feel for asking about his gayness and you'll feel like it's a good way to make it up to him....

wrong.

who cares?

i ask men a few questions like that all the time:

are you married?

are you gay?

are you in the mob?

do you have a record?

nothing wrong with asking.... and if he has a hangup about it, let it be HIS, not your's.