Younger man

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Younger man
2
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 7:15am
I've recently started dating a younger man who is smart, fun, and passionately interested in me. However, sometimes he can say very silly immature things. For example he loves music from the hip hop genre, which is fine just not my preference, and sometimes uses terminology and slang from that genre. It sounds silly coming out of him since he's white and jewish - sorta like a B movie verion of Vanilla Ice or a Saturday Night Live skit. He has only sounded that way around me when we were alone and I think he does it to be funny, but it sounds really bad. The problem is that I am taking him to a very prestigious event this weekend where several of my friends and colleagues will be. It is a luxury event with lots of style and class and I'm concerned that he'll throw out some of that language at the event among my friends. If that language and culture were part of who he really was I would have no problem with it and embrace it, but it is not who he is and he ends up sounding patronizing of the culture. Is there any way I can gently and nicely ask him to refrain from talking that way. He is such a great guy and I like him very much. I want my friends to like and accept him too and I'm afraid if he does this they will not be supportive of our relationship. How do I talk to him about this without sounding like his mother?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
In reply to: slyefox
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 7:39am
I would say that if you are worried what others will think than perhaps he is not as good a match as you'd like him to be. Typically, if I am with somebody that I really like, I couldn't care less what others think of him - and I don't tend to worry about whether or not they will 'behave', as I don't think I'd be interested in somebody who didn't know how to behave appropriately in a specific situation. I really don't think this is about his age, I think it's about appropriateness - do you think that he is mature enough to be appropriate given the particulars of any given situation? If you don't think so, then there will be a string of other things that will annoy or embarass you as the relationship continues.

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: slyefox
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 8:29am
My white and jewish 16 year old niece uses that language too - a lot of young people do - it is not race specific.

I don't think the issue is age but maturity - I would not take him to this event and I would not date anyone I wasn't proud to be associated with or who I was really concerned would embarass me. I have dated many men in their 20's - early 20's - albeit not for years, who would have handled themselves perfectly fine anywhere. If he lacks good judgment/common sense that may fade with age as he matures or he may always be that way - I certainly have met men in their 30's and up who lack social skills/good judgment.