Younger Man -Not sure

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2013
Younger Man -Not sure
12
Fri, 10-04-2013 - 9:16pm

Hello, I am new to the board would like some opinions about a situation.  I just bought a car from this guy and he seemed to be really into me.  I am 45 and he is 28.  He told me that he didn't have a girlfriend because he was so busy with work and they didn't understand that. We were emailing back and forth one night being flirtatious until after midnight.  The next day I decided that I was going to be a bit bold and ask him out.  Anyway, he said he would like to go but he would need to check his schedule and get back to me.  That was over 24 hours ago.  Do you think I misread the signals and he isn't interested but didn't know how to say it.  How long should I wait for a response.  I emailed again today because the location had changed. How long should I wait to hear from him.  I will not be emailing again.  BTW I wasn't looking for a long term relationship or anything I have been divorced for 16 years, raising my kids completelyl on my own so not a lot of time for dating - I just wanted to have some fun!

Thanks so much

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2013
Fri, 10-04-2013 - 11:24pm

I'd say give it a day or so, if you don't hear from him then write it off and hope that he really is just a busy guy, and he will be getting back to you sooner rather than later. He may be trying to play it cool, who knows. He may also be involved with someone, and he lied when he said he wasn't. All of which makes me think, just lay low and be patient. If you like the idea of a younger man, I'm sure there are other opportunities out there, especially if you're just looking for fun! Speaking from experience, the thrill of an older woman was very appealing as a younger man, I'm 39 now. Had a few of those experiences in my early 20's, trust me, younger men are interested!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 10-05-2013 - 9:50am

Sometimes people like flirting but they don't really want to act on it in real life.  I think if it's been a couple of days he should know his schedule or at least be telling you that he won't get his work schedule until Monday or something like that.  Does he know how old you are?  I think the age difference is pretty big but there are definitely some young men who are into older women--they even have dating websites devoted to that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2013
Sat, 10-05-2013 - 10:04am
Thank you for responding. Yes, he specifically told me when I was purchasing my car from him that he had looked up my age so he knows the age difference. He said he thought I was very attractive. When I asked him out I said if you are too busy I understand.
Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 10-05-2013 - 6:01pm
Years ago, when I was in my early 40's, I was out with a group of co-workers, men and women. A young man kept following me and I couldn't figure out what he wanted - why he wouldn't leave me alone. I was old enough to be his mother! Finally, later on, one of the older men in the group took me aside and said he was trying to pick me up! I was so surprised! Naive! I can laugh about it now but was so embarrassed at the time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2013
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 1:50pm
I've become recently involved(not yet officially dating) with a guy 12 years younger and I hear your frustration. We will text all night, then I don't hear from him for a day or two. In my situation, I believe there is a sincere interest, but he is easily distracted(as younger guys often are) and nervous about his lack of experience. This makes me nuts, but then I have to remember that the expectations between men and women at different ages are not the same. I'm wondering if this is what's happening with your situation. I would email one more time in the next day or so, then give it up if you don't hear from him. Personally, no contact in more than 2 or 3 days says to me, he's not someone who is going to live up to what you're looking for, whether it's just for fun, or something more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2013
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 8:55am
Thank you. That is great advice. I was thinking along those lines. There is a 17 year difference and maybe he is second guessing his "yes" response. Maybe he is not as comfortable with me taking the lead and asking him out. I will give him another day and then just send a message basically saying if you can't make it that's cool. Giving him an out if he needs one. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 10:50am

Well after all this talk, I don't feel that bad being interested in a guy who is 8 yrs younger than I am.  We are in the getting to know you as friends stage and I don't know if anything more will happen.  I'm 56 and he's 48.  I never told him how old I am but he could find out if he made a little effort (on the internet).  I do know that he has never been married & would like to get married and I've been divorced twice and don't want to get married again.  I wouldn't mind a fling but I think it's going to end up being just friendship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 11:18am

Who knows what his story really is. He may be seeing several women and is undecided which one to forego to go out on a date with you. Or maybe he's got a gf of 10 years living with him and was lying. He could also be undecided about being out with a woman 17 years older, no matter how attractive he finds you. Bottom line is, if he wants you, he'll contact you. No point emailing anymore. It's also good that you understand that this is not going to be anything serious. It's a known fact that 28 old men don't typically get into/last in r-ships with 40+ y old women.

It really is rather annoying, I must admit, this whole ageing nonsense.  I'm 42 (for 10 more days). In the last few years I've noticed that I'm practically invisible even to men my age when I'm out. It's only men 10 years older at the very least who do vaguely look in my direction these days. And I'm not talking tall and gorgeous 50 y olds here either. G** but was the story different 10 years ago. Sigh. Nothing we can do. Time rushing past..and all that. Now I've made myself sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2013
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 11:50am
Thank you. I am definitely not interested in a long term or serious relationship with a 27 year old guy. I have raised 3 girls entirely on my own since my divorce many years ago, have hardly been able to date and just want to let my hair down and have some fun and this guy is pretty hot. I guess since I'm just looking for some fun that is why i'm not focusing so much on what's considered "right" or "wrong" when it comes to he should ask me out, he should call. However, I don't want to come across as desperate and needy. This is so confusing - no wonder I have hardly ever dated. LOL!!!
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 10-08-2013 - 12:13pm

 Put on your big woman thongs and ask him out/to bed etc.  Have fun with him.  Is that so hard?  No!  It is okay to be nervious especially when you have been tied up so long.  Be assertive.  He knows you are older so act mature.  You are.  Have many beaus!   Date as many as you will and enjoy living.   Tell him let's have fun.  That will set the tone.  be direct yet challenging.  It is you who leads.  Women choose not men.  Men just think they do.

chaika

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