Your thoughts...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Your thoughts...?
22
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 10:54pm

How do you feel about men in recent years using the word "hot" to describe women in public?

I find it distasteful. People dont realize it but it actually degrades a woman publicly. It actually strips her of her femininity and categorizes her in a way that you could just visualize her with her strip club pole in her living room. It demeans a woman and assumes superiority of the male who bestows her with that title. He is letting her know where she places in the pecking order of life.

Years ago, I used to hear men use that word with women they didn't even know in bars as last call was being taken. I also used to hear men use that word when a guy was making it clear that she was the night's entertainment for them, like "hey babe - you're hot." Yeah, so is a pot of boiling oil - stick your d#ck in that.

If a man wants to use that phrase with with a woman he knows it best be used in the bedroom - it is one of those words. I see people on tv using it with their guests on their shows and it amazes me that no one sees how they just got insulted on public tv - instead they are grinning from ear to ear happy to be given a backhanded compliment - being knocked down to a thing instead of a person - a toy. How can these women not realize they are being insulted? I guess because it is done with a smile and wink - and lord knows many people need that attention even if it means nothing.

If a guy expected to pick me up using that word I would suggest to him that an inflatable doll would do the trick.

When a woman uses that word about a man there is almost a hero worship in her tone - not when spoken by a man. I dont know why but it doesn't sound the same.

I know I'm older than many of you, but if a guy I was dating described me in public that way, I'd be pissed. If I heard him use that word to describe another woman in public, I'd be pissed. That would be same as telling his wife that he would like to screw that woman.."and you wouldn't mind, right darling"? And if she says something about - he'll tell her that she is too sensitive or insecure or jealous...all the ways men have successfully trained women to eat dirt in the last decade. My motto: "see ya".

i dont know how the wives of men today tolerate their husbands or SO going on tv and talking about how hot another woman is or how they would like to boink them. I would feel mortified and publicly humiliated. I know men sometimes learn best when the shoe is on the other foot. I guarantee you that no man worth his salt would tolerate his wife yammering about how hot Matthew McConaghy (?) is. And if the topic of the day was migranes and orgasms a real man would not tolerate his wife then saying "Where is Matthew McConaughy, I need to get laid because when I frequently orgasm my migranes go away." Those jokes are not funny for a man or a woman. If you need to disgrace your SO for a ratings boost or because someone needs to look cool...then step all over someone else's feelings, not mine and she can have you.

Today many women dont ask for anything from a man in terms of respect, compassion, admiration or dignity - so many are just pleased that a man gives them a call and a squeeze. Women dont expect to get calls from men indicating if they plan on seeing them or any kind of real date - expectations are at an all time low - which is a field day for men.

i know that the society "does what its told" these days and no one questions authority but men have brainwashed or convinced women to accept treatment that is unbelievably degrading. Just look at today's fashion: pregnancy type smocks or tops with flip flops (barefoot and pregnant) or shoes with arches so steep that we'll develop fallen arches or hammer toes from being wedged downward.

Here's what I think about a society that has no mind of its own anymore (from the song, "Say I"): "The spirit is so lifeless with no spirit in your soul. Like children with no vision do exactly what they're told. Being led into the desert. For your strength will surely fade. Who is to blame? We'll surely melt in the rain. Say I." Perfect depiction of today's world.

Look at the size of breast implants - to the point of freakish (huge breasts dont equal attractive to me) and done in a way that will stretch out their skin - again - incurring damage to please some man. For men bigger is better - okay then they wont mind if I suggest that they get a penal implant because to me - size matters.

Somehow men have convinced women to lower themselves or damage themselves just to get a guy and twist degrading behavior around so that the "Girls Gone Wild" women think that they are cool, fun and wild - when they are completely the opposite. You can be fun, wild, sexy and cool without installing a pole in your home or degrading yourself. For some reason women have forgotten how to do it.

Sure...I enjoy looking at the gorgeous men used in tv commercials, movies, shows and magazine ads. And if I called one of them hot to his face, he'd take it as a compliment because the rules of engagment are different for men. A man can walk around in his jockeys and not worry about inciting women to attack him and being told he asked for it.

As far as porn goes - some videos can be used to enhance sex or sexual play between partners, but it is difficult to find videos that a straight woman would enjoy. Porn magazines: if a guy wants his Playboy then I hope he doesn't mind my Playgirl. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Luckily, I have not experienced what so many women have experienced with men being addicted to internet porn or any kind of porn. No man I have dated or slept with has ever had a stack of porn magazines lining his coffee table and...they did not frequent strip clubs. That doesn't mean we didn't watch porn. If a stack of porn is what a man values over a live woman...the magazines can have him. I'm outta there. If another woman manages to get a guy I'm dating to cheat in any way...I'm outta there..she can have the s.o.b. I dont beg a man for anything like that - there will always be another man out who will want me. I wish other women felt this way.

Oh, and if a man wants to sleep after sex, please do, because I want to, as well. Contrary to what men think, not all women like talking after sex.




Edited 7/1/2007 12:12 am ET by snafu2006

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 10:16pm

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Actually, I believe everyone has 'a passion' - but many are either too busy surviving life to know what it is or they are too afraid to follow it. We all has something that just sits on our hearts - but we all don't necessarily do anything with it.

Toni

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 2:40pm

Great review - thanks for posting!

It's sad to see that in our efforts to swing away from the feminist views of the 70's and 80's (dress like a man, act like a man, BE like a man) we've done a seemingly hardcore swing in the opposite direction and call it "3rd Wave Feminism" where we embrace and express our femine attributes and sexuality. I think that "embrace" has been mistaken with "flaunt".

Perhaps this is just a natural step in achieving overall equality through the laws of physics - like a pendulum - it gains just as much energy on the second upswing as it loses. Therefore, it's going to take lots of air resistance to bring it to rest in the middle. The starting point could be "where we were", the upswing could be "where we are" and the air resistance is time, education and understanding.

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