your ways of getting over x bf?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
your ways of getting over x bf?
8
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:55pm
is it harder for women to get over a man, after she's been dumped? Why do you hang around the same vicinity? How will you get over the man, if you continue to see him (not work related)When you decide to move on, why not cut off all contact? (phone,pager,email,visual etc...) Isnt that the way its suppose to work?How can u move on, if you visually continue to see the x? Are you hoping to get back with the x? Why do you keep material things? They just bring up memories of the x?

You women are weird creatures lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 2:52am
Well, yeah we're weird, but look what we have to put up with---men! Sex is on your minds over 3/4 of the day...while most women long for love...and good sex.

I read your other post, so I think you're just trying to understand why your ex is around more than you want her to be. If she has the same gym membership you do, there's not much to be done about that besides changing the time you go to the gym if you don't want to see her, b/c obviously she knows when you're going to be there. As for why contact sometimes continues(phone calls, emails, etc) sometimes it just takes time to realize something is over. Ever smoked or had a friend that smoked, and tried to quit? You don't want to spend the money, it stinks, and it drives you crazy when don't have it. Some could say love and getting out of love is similiar. You don't want to love that person anymore, love stinks when you don't have it anymore, and often drives you crazy. So you keep reaching for that pack of cigs(or that phone, or those pictures of you two on vacation or whatever else) and you debate on whether it is worth it to light up.

As with failed love, it's usually not worth it. Read some of the posts on Breaking Up is Hard to Do board. We try to move on, but everyone gets stuck in the past sometime in their life...love makes it hard to let go. It's something we're used to. Now in your situation, you caught her cheating. Fine, you say forget this, I'm outta here. She obviously hasn't let herself get caught in the idea that you aren't gonna come back...she didn't end it, you did. For some, that's a big deal. Was there any discussion beyond "You cheating b***h, pack your stuff!" (not that that's the one you had! lol) Sometimes, even if it's our fault, we need to hash it all out for complete closure.

Also, has she ever heard you tell her she's the one...or something similiar to make her think you can't move on without her? It could just be a giant dose of EGO standing in her way. Ever seen that movie 40 days and 40 nights? A girl in there is just fine without her ex until she figures out she isn't wanted by him anymore..that drives her crazy.

Anyway, just one person's opinion; don't even know if any solution was presented here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:23am
But she has another gym membership right across the street from her house at 24hr fitness supersport. She actually travels a 1/2 an hour to the gym i go too. I assume she'd rather go to the gym right across her house. She was all happy that she joined the new gym!

sounds like she has a motive? I did reassure her a few times when we were together, that she's the only one for me etc......
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:58am
Personally, when its over, its OVER. I take the ex out of my cell speeddial, email, etc. I make an effort to avoid certain locations at times that I think the ex will be there. It helps speed the recovery process for me.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:11pm
If that's the case, then I'd say she's just not ready to have you out of her life. And maybe thinks flaunting herself in front of you will help. You give the appearance of not totally being over her too; I say that b/c I read the other posts' response from tgowens about not even feeling you have to be polite at all. I know I only feel that way about a person,relationship-related or not, if I still am resentful or bitter about them and the situation. Which means I am still emotionally involved with it. A 'hello' or smile and nod don't cost you anything; if it gives her false hopes, that's her concern and not yours--unless she starts calling you and trying to get you back. At that point, you can tell her, 'hey just was being polite...don't think I would ever want you back in my life'.

Tgowens was right about that...if you think about it, you do say hello or something to strangers everyday..with no thought of their personalities or problems or respect. It does show that you've moved on. But like I said, it sounds like you haven't fully yet. You could just ask her why she's hanging out at your gym at the time she knows you're going to be there and see what she says. That way you'd know from her mouth and not have to wonder. You can't change your workout time by even a half hour? You must have some schedule to keep.

good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 11:46pm
No i cant change my schedule. She'll hang out for 2 hours flirting with all the guys (recently started doing this), while i have clients. Im not really over her yet. I want her to feel more pain. She had dissapeared for a month, then returned recently. We have gone through this before fighting due to her lack of communication and selfishness. Each time, i totally ignored her, and she came back crying each and every time. This is the longest period, and im not gonna take her back this time, because she's a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 3:12am
You want her to feel more pain? Well, I don't know what to say to that, having had revenge on my mind before that included 'making him sorry'...but I have no idea what you are going to do..or how that will accomplish you getting over her.(I never ended up doing anything to him at all...except punctured some old tires, he was going to get new ones the following week anyway). Apparently, you are not going to quit your job(guessing that you're a personal trainer at a gym) so that you don't have to see her there...and technically, why should you? But that whole making her feel more pain.... What could you possibly do to her..that won't get you arrested or anything like that...that you haven't already done? You've broken contact b/c of an unforgivable offense in your eyes, and YOU know she's not getting you back. If she wants you back, she's not going to get it. That should hurt her plenty, especially if she reflects on what she had with you and how she will no longer get that. She obviously wants to break you down, and you just as obviously, to us reading your posts, are determined that that will not happen.

Don't have anything else to say on this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 12:14pm
"I want her to feel more pain."

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 12:19pm
I like the smoking analogy! Unfortunately, that is sometimes the way of a relationship... a few puffs and then it's over...