Always over thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Always over thinking
39
Tue, 02-03-2009 - 12:14pm
Ok- So I met this guy a few weeks ago on match.com. We hit it off, he lives in the city I live in the suburbs. Last weekend I went down to the city and ended up staying at his condo and slept with him. We had fun, went to dinner, out for drinks, etc... he made me breakfast, even bought me this green tea that I love. He's a nice guy. Anyway- I have never slept with someone that quickly before. Ever. Now I know why... I assume this means something- but I'm not sure if it does on his end. Since then he has contacted me every day. Calls, texts, emails..etc... after I left his house on Saturday I went home and saw he signed on to match.com again. I have now become obsessed with checking to see how often he signs on there- thinking, if you are sleeping with/seeing me why are you still on there? That is totally insane I know- but I'm a woman- so that is my excuse. I am 29, he is 34. He has a son who lives far away, he seems really responsible, flies to see him every 5 or 6 weeks. I just have it in my head that now that I've slept with him, he got what he wanted. I've read so many things about waiting to sleep with someone and how its never a good idea to do that too soon- and I do agree because now I'm feeling terrible. I did sorta bring it up and said that I was feeling bad and I didn't want him to think less of me for doing that. He said not to worry and that it takes two people, and he doesn't think any differently of me. But I can't help it. Anyone else ever been in a situation like this? Did I totally ruin it by doing this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 11:22am
I agree completely- and have seen this in action in the past. I wonder why people feel the desire to want to know where things are going, I can only assume its a control thing.. but really it just makes you have less control over the situation. I'm a huge advocate of communication and typically if I wonder something or am feeling something, I say it or ask it. I guess I have to find ways to not wonder... or just take things as they are. He is coming to my house tomorrow, making a lot of effort! So, maybe that is my answer!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 12:15pm

You're right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 2:11pm
Ok- I'm back again! He came out to the suburbs via train to see me, despite being sick! I told him he didn't have to if he didn't feel up to it, but he did anyway! I made dinner and we hung out.. he even stayed over night- and..... nothing physical happened- which I'm sure had to do with him being sick. But it really made me feel better because (if you read my first post) I was a little paranoid after sleeping with him so quickly- that he was only in it for that. We had a nice time.. and he mentioned several times that "next time" he'll be more fun (referring to the cold meds making him tired). So- I'd say that was a good meeting/date. Talking, no sex, and planning for future dates?!?! I'm trying really hard to just take things as they come and not look too deeply into them, and I have to say- it feels really nice. When I dropped him off at the train this morning, I wasn't secretly freaking out, wondering when/if we'll see each other again, or feeling insecure! I just felt happy to be with someone who seemed equally interested in me- despite the fact that we didn't do much of anything at all!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 9:56am
Awww.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 11:20am
So, how long have you and your guy been seeing each other?? I am now wondering if he is planning on seeing someone else, I know this is against this code of "don't ask questions, just have fun" but I can't help but wonder. For me, if I'm investing time into a person... and they are also seeing others- that changes things. Does it not? I have no reason to think he is, but I still wonder. I've got to stop thinking!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 2:28pm

Raeslp,


I've been

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 12:58pm

Raeslp,


I was just over on the OLD message board and came across a really good discussion that I wish I came across a week ago before all of MY drama started.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 10:57pm

Hi again- Well, I'm sorry to hear that- were you referencing the new guy/relationship with that last post? Or maybe you were talking about an old one? Either way it's tough.. I do the same thing as you-I just like to know what is going on.. but I think the bottom line is that over-reacting and thinking/imagining something is silly, especially when

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 9:28am
So- last night I sent him a message and said it was funny that my match.com thing ran out... (b/c we're always joking about it) and he replied this morning saying, "If you want you can upload your pictures and info to mine, I think I have a few weeks left"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 4:53pm
It's nice of him to offer for you to use his account since he's got a few weeks left on it and yours ran out, but it's

_________________________________________________