Asking a guy out???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2013
Asking a guy out???
7
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 8:59am

I recently posted a situation I was in on another board and I mentioned that I had asked the guy out and I got varied responses from people who said women should NEVER ask a guy out.  What is your view on this.  I don't see an issue with it.  I don't believe in all the work having to be up to the guys.  We are all people with our own various insecurities and I think we should really just be upfront with each other.  If I am interested in a guy I don't think I should sit around looking for clues and signs and play hard to get to pique his interest.  What are your opinions?

Thanks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 10:31am

I really don't think it's terrible to ask a guy out.  I know a lot of people will say that the man should always do the asking out.  The truth is that if the guy is interested, he's going to be happy that you asked him.  I don't think a guy who would otherwise be interested is suddenly going to think "wow, I liked this girl before but because she asked me out, then I'm not interested now."  that would be ridiculous.  I just don't think you should get into a situation where you are always doing the asking because then you don't know if the guy is interested or is just being polite.  I do think that most of the time if a guy is interested, unless he is very shy or very inexperienced, he will ask you out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 10:33am

Oh I also think there are ways that you can indicate that you are interested w/o having to come right out & ask a guy on a date.  Like if you are having a party or you are going to a place with a group, you could ask him to join you.  Or you could suggest something that doesn't have "date" written all over it, like do  you want to go for lunch or coffee as opposed to do you want to go out for dinner on Sat. night, which is definitely a date thing.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 6:00am

  I agree with Music ask him out or just hang out.  Many men do not take hints.  They need an official green light. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 9:32am
The bigger issue, in my opinion, is why do you need the okay from strangers on a message board for what you want to do? Message boards are for expressing points of view, you can accept or dismiss it. Ultimately, no one knows you or the guy - every person is unique and so every situation is unique too. Hopefully you do not need the unanimous approval from a group of strangers for actions in your life. If you want to ask the guy out, then ask the guy out.
Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 9:44am
Nothing wrong with asking for peoples' opinions....if you like a guy, certainly ask him out. Depending how well you know the person, you can suggest a group setting or something more intimate :) Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2013
Thu, 10-10-2013 - 10:54am
If you read my question you will see that I have already asked a guy out, see nothing wrong with it and just wanted to see how other people feel about doing the same. I wasn't looking for anyone's blessing or even indicated that answers would sway my point of view. I think message boards are also a conversation piece. Maybe a place where you can ask questions that you are not comfortable asking people in your own circle or just want to get some additional point of views.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 5:46pm

I do a lot of online dating, and if I never asked a guy out, I would almost never go out.  Seriously.  I would say that 95% of the time, when I have a date, It is because I initiated contact and/or initiated a first meet.

For me the trick is to just have 'coffee'.  Most guys don't feel threatened by it.  I go up to the counter and buy my own if we don't arrive at the same time.  That way he doesn't feel like it is too big a deal.  If we arrive at the same time I will let him buy, but I don't act as if I expect him to.  I think it helps them save face to not feel as if it is a big deal.  

When that sort of meet leads to a second date, I would say I initiate that about 25% of the time.  At that point a guy is generally more confident about expressing whether or not he wants to see me again.  Once they've seen me, if they are truly interested, they should take the lead from there.

sooooobig