Attracted to older men. Am I weird?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Attracted to older men. Am I weird?
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 7:57pm

This is my 1st time single as an adult, so bare with me!

I have a serious crush on a cast member of the show I'm in. Actually, I found out he got cast in BOTH of the shows I'm in (one of them hasn't started rehersals yet). It feels awesome! To look at him, you would think he was in his early-mid 30's. He's very respectful (something my STBX struggled w/), open, genuine, and we share a lot in common (theater interests, singing, morals, etc). He's become a pretty good friend and I look forward to getting to know him better. He is currently dating someone in my age group (she's 47) and she's putting him through things I went through w/ my STBX years ago.

For the record (and not to toot my own horn) but I've always been more mature than the general stat in my age group, so I mesh best w/ guys 5+ years older than me. He is 15 years my senior (though I had no clue until recently and we've been in rehersals for a couple months together). He usually doesn't date younger women, but made an exception w/ this girl, and, as far as I can see, isn't happy.

Right now, I'm just being there as a friend, but I'm noticing it's interesting how I find, even scanning through personals, I'm more attracted overall to men 10 years older than me.

It feels great to have a crush, even if he doesn't respond back. He's a gentleman and it's been great getting to know him and getting that respect I DESERVE!

Any thoughts?

I think that I'm attracted to older guys because I really want to have a partner who is ready to be a partner, and is ready to be a family man. Someone who gives as much as he takes. For example, I've decided in the last year that an international adoption is really right for me. Being adopted myself, it just feels right! Granted, I'm thinkin' in the next 4-6 years, but it's a plan I have for myself. Any man in my life would need to share that dream w/ me, or I am willing to go through the trials of single parenthood (it means THAT much to me). It's not a dream I am willing to sacrifice. Also, I find that most of my interests are not typical of my age group. They are typical of an older set, by about 10 years. I am also looking at financial stability. I want a man who can take care of himself (as I make more money than most people I know my age, and can handle myself and for years in my marriage I was the breadwinner by default as my STBX couldn't hold a job).

- J. Darling

Singe, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 10:43pm

I don't think you are weird. I was always attracted to older men. When I was in my late teens, I dated guys in their mid-to late twenties. In my twenties, I dated guys in their thirties and early forties most of the time. I did have one short-term boyfriend my own age, and the man I married was only four years older, but mostly I dated older guys--5 to 10 years older, usually, sometimes more.

Like you I found them more attractive, more stable, more considerate and assured of themselves than the men my own age. So I understand perfectly.

But notice that I am speaking in the past tense. I am 50 years old, and the last thing I want is a man who is 65 in my life. If I could get my ideal man, it would be a 46 year old. That's right. A younger man.

The men you look at who are older today, are in the prime of life. Of course they are attractive. But what will they be like when you are both older? A 45 year old today will be 60 in 15 years. Where will you be in 15 years?

If you are just looking to have fun, by all means, date older men. They'll be thrilled to date you too. But if you are going to be looking for something long-term, keep in mind that they will be passing their prime before you are done with yours. It may not matter. But maybe it will.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 10:53pm

Elsa -
Thanks for the feedback. Yeah... that's what is kinda my road block right now. I mean, granted, you're only as young as you feel, but I know I definately need someone who can somewhat keep up w/ me. Being a performer, I have a crazy schedule that gets turned upside down every time I get cast in a show. I was thinking the only way it could work would be with someone w/ a deep understanding of that schedule and it's demands. But at the same time, I've always been very good at making time for my loved ones and re-prioritizing w/o resentment when it's necessary. After listening to my friend talk about his girl friend (14 years younger than him) I can see how it can become a road block.
That's definately something to keep in mind if I date an older man and start feeling like I want to get serious. Do I really want him retiring, sitting back on his laurels while I'm working my tail off for 10-15 more years?
Definately a lot of things to consider for long term reletionships...

Thanks again!
- JD

- J. Darling

Singe, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 11:40pm

I think that you've got a good level head on your shoulders... and "older men" typically just have life together a little better than younger men ;-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~