College Girl with Guy Problems Pls Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
College Girl with Guy Problems Pls Help
6
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 12:18am

I've been reading these boards for awhile trying to find similiar situations to mine but its always failed so I've decided to post my mine. I'm 21 and in college and have never had any type of boyfriend other than long distance relationships which really suck. I vow to never do those again. Now that you got my background here we go.


For about a year I had this huge crush on this guy. I finally worked up the nerve to talk to him late november last year. We talked for a bit and later he asked for my number. All I ever recieved from him was txt messages. I tried to ask him out but it never really panned out. When Xmas break came around I forgot about him and met another guy. The week classes started back I recieved a txt message from my crush. Hes now wants to date me so we do go out that Friday night. I had a lil bit to drink and ended up going back to his place. Yes I know it was a mistake. For some reason I thought we were just going to talk and stuff and then I'd leave. Nah..he'd been kissing on me all night so I should have known. The drink I had got to me so I found myself coming on to him too. I found myself trying to get out of his bed only having him talk me further into having sex with him and I did. I wasnt too happy with myself so I avoided his kissing after he walked me out. I didnt even bother saying I never sleep with guys on the first date. I txted him after I got home like he asked of me but sure he was sleep by then. Anyway next night I txt him again and he seemed still interested in me and said he enjoyed my company. The following weekend he would txt me at 10 to see what I was doing. Three nights straight he did this

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 10:42am

As you already suspect men kiss and tell (most) and when they say they dont they are definitely lying.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 10:53am
hI WELCOME to the board! One of the golden rule in dating is "Never have sex on first dates". And I totally agree on that for so many reasons that I know I don't have to tell you why cause I bet you knew already. As a woman, the most important thing to keep in mind aside from basic grooming is to preserve your self-respect/dignity, integrity and values. It defines your character as a unique person and its important factor in dating to keep in mind. So back to your issue. As with the new guy who turned out to be one of the jerks whose apparently up for casual sex with you, I'm glad you figured out what he's really up to. You're a grown woman and I know you will keep learning on your mistakes. I'm 3 yrs your senior and been into dating for many years. I've read a lot of dating books and I have lots of guy friends who validates the fact that men opt to get to know a girl slowly and naturally before sleeping with her. Though they'll take their chances to take any girl to bed, they secretly hopes she won't easily gives in and fall with the trap. I suggest you steer clear with those kind of men whose up for casual sex. They don't have anything to offer you emotionally. Your gestures have a great impact as to how people will treat you. Re-examine your actions. You might be giving off some cues unknowingly which invites men like those and mislead them that you're a trashy kind of girl. Keep me posted..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 3:31pm

I'm a little confused here, but maybe it's because of the age diff--I'm the mom of a college student.

As for the 1st guy, ok, I know you regret having sex w/ him, but why did you blow him off after that? When he texted you on those other days, was he actually saying "come over to my place" and you inferred that he just wanted sex, did he actually say it, or did he ask you to do other things? I know that he was txting late, but even back in my day, it wasn't unusual to go out at 10:00. I think one mistake is not being honest & talking to him. You had a crush on this guy for so long, he finally asks you out, then I understand that you are ashamed that you drank too much and had sex, but why not be honest & talk to him? What do you think would have happened if you said "Hey, I'm not usually like that and I think we went too fast. I'd like to see you again, but I really don't want to have sex for a while." If he really liked you, he would agree to that. If he was only using you for sex, then you'd know.

As far as the 2nd guy, I don't know what "kick it" means--does it just mean "hang out." I think you were kind of giving him the 3rd degree by asking him why he wanted to hang out w/ you. I agree that you shouldn't have gone to his place, but if you were interested, why couldn't you say "let's meet in the cafeteria and have a coffee." Then if he was only interested in sex, this would be really difficult for him to do. I think for other guys, you should concentrate on not getting into situations where it would be too easy to have sex--don't go to each other's dorm rooms--stay in a public place and don't drink!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 8:38pm

Well the 1st guy..I blew him off that weekend b/c my friends kind of told me too... I guess it put it in their head that he was only after sex especially not really giving me much conversation during the week. I suspect hes a busy guy but not too busy to respond to my txts if he really liked me. Well he

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-12-2009 - 11:03am
Sometimes getting all your friends' opinions on what to do can really mess things up even more. Maybe you could stick to asking one friend whose opinion you really do trust. But I think that part of becoming an adult (and this isn't just directed at you--it's also for the guys) is learning to be honest and not playing games. Now some people could be in their 40's and still not have learned this. But it seems like he tried to get ahold of you 3 nights in a row and you were the one who blew him off, so why do you think he only wanted sex? If he only wanted the score, he would have not bothered to contact you at all after.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 12:46am
The 2nd guy came out and said it. He told me we were going to be kicking it tmr and I said oh for real? Guess that could be misconstrued anyway if not talking to me to hear my tone of voice. He says yes, so I ask what are we going to be doing. He told me he was going to be doing me. I told him I didnt think so and that it wasnt that kind of party and hes like we'll see. I told him no we wont see b/c its not going down like that. I can confirm the 1st guy did tell him something from all of this. So disrespectful but I dont blame him if he thought I was easy like that. His game sucks. Hes lucky I dont curse him out when I see him and embarrass him in front of all his friends including my crush. Straight bs dont you think?