Commitment or Not, that is the question.
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Commitment or Not, that is the question.
| Tue, 04-21-2009 - 5:00am |
Okay so I'm confused as ever and have no idea what to do at this point. I've been dating, seeing this particular guy for about four months now. We've been on a bunch of dates, and

It seems to me that he does not consider you a FWB because he has not gone past kissing.
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I am no expert either, but over many years of observation, I may have picked up some ideas.
If this guy has not had a girlfriend since junior year of highschool it may be that he takes the "commitment" side of it seriously. Or it may be that he is shy--or both. You were right to think that this was a detail worth including.
I agree with Bev that if he is asking you to hang out and do things, but is not going beyond heavy making out, he is not treating you as a FWB.
My suggestion is that you ask him the simple question of whether he is hanging out with other girls and seem what he says. If you are lucky he may tell you that he finds you special. If he does, then you might suggest that you find him special also, and would he like to agree not to date other people for a while.
I think that if you frame it as a temporary thing, he will not feel that you are trying to trap him (a common concern among young men who are not rushing to commit). The idea you can try to convey is that if you are exclusive you can get to know each other better and see where to go from there.
You might consider, by the way, that one of the reasons he hasn't tried to have intercourse is that he is relatively inexperienced. Even if he is not a virgin, he may be hesitant of doing something "wrong" if he is somewhat shy and doesn't have a lot of practice with "nice girls." (This situation happened with a young man in my daughter's group of friends recently. He liked a girl so much that he was afraid he'd do something wrong because, according to him, all he'd dated up to then was "skanks.")
Anyway, I hope that helps.