Cross your fingers

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Cross your fingers
22
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 11:36pm

Date number four last night with Single Dad went beautifully. I went a little further than I had originally planned...but he texted twice and called once today, so it must have been OK!

I am trying really hard to stay focused and sort of detached for a while so I don't fall into this emotionally at this point. He's already off the site, I had hidden my profile because I don't have any time to really see anyone else, but we hadn't discussed it at all.

But, gee, for a guy I really wasn't sure I even wanted to reply to (he emailed me first on OLD, he's 10 years older, his profile was kind of bland, even the first phone call was kind of bland...), he is knocking my socks off with his kindness and sense of humor. His child rearing philosophy is almost exactly like mine, same music taste, same book tastes, both trying to raise kids alone, he respects my time with my kids and the fact that the kids have to come first. So easy to talk to.

After all the drama with Toxic Man, and the millions of first meets that went no where, this is really, really nice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 8:50am
That's awesome, Sheri. I'm really glad to hear things are going well with your dude. I took a break from OLD this summer (which means a break from dating in general since that seems to be the only way I meet anyone) but I'm ready to get back into it. I'm leery of signing up with a pay site like match again. Did you meet this guy on one of the free sites? I'm thinking of trying POF.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 9:10am

I know that message was to Sheri, but I always like to butt in...

I have been meeting people the most successfully on Match. The free sites have never been good luck for me. On the free ones, I have 'met' more wierdos, more guys who send me their phone number on the first e-mail, more guys who are looking for sex. But again, that is just my experience.

I think like someone said once, if you are having to pay, you might be a little more serious about the whole idea of dating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 9:21am

Hey, join in, the more, the more varied the perspectives. A few comments:

Sheri, I'm glad you're keeping us up to date 'cause I don't like to pry. But your guy's behavior certainly sounds as if he's interested and is keeping in contact.

My last go-round on Match was dreary. With the free POF, I feel less pressured if I don't want to get on and troll--I realize that all comes from me. A lot of guys on Match are also on POF, though.

As for the *Bobs* I've been mentioning, all my eggs aren't sitting around in those baskets...I'll keep on looking. The busy guy, Bob 1 admitted he was dating others, ie, stating the obvious. We've talked, but met only once. And why would I be special to him at this point anyway? He did ask me out for the end of the week, though.

I don't mind going out on a school night, but can't be up too late. Or can I? It'll be interesting to see if my feelings change on that one. Yes, it's all about the gathering of info and time telling as it goes by.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 11:23am
Ha, ha, I actually have a friend from high school who is named Mike Brady, who is a div. dad (although now his kids are grown).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 11:28am

The "gathering of info" is an interesting way to look at it. In the old days before OLD, you would probably go out w/ a guy you met at school or work, so you'd have a lot of info on him before you actually went on a date. W/ OLD, you have just minimal info, so I think it's good to look at the 1st dates as just finding out about someone so you can see if you want to take things further and not getting attached to someone right away.

I really don't know what I would say to someone who said "I love sex" right after they met you. I mean, do guys not have any manners? I mean I love sex too, but I doubt I'd broadcast that to someone I hardly knew (except you guys, lol). What does he think? you're going to take off your clothes and do it on the table in the restaurant? I mean, I don't really know many people who don't like sex at all, and those people probably wouldn't be dating anyway.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 2:20pm

Hey, nice to hear from you!


I met this guy on POF--as someone else mentioned, in my area at least, it seems like most of the guys I'd be interested in who are on Match are also on POF and/or Craigs List, so my (only somewhat tongue in cheek)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 6:44pm

Sheri, I agree with you about the paying vs free, but whatever works, go with it! I'm thinking of trying more Meetups--just haven't got around to it. Hiking maybe and I joined a wine tasting.

Anyway, short update on Bob 2, the sex card guy. Called again today with info about his seminar--said he wanted to take me for a drink but has to catch up on his work tonight. I wouldn't have gone for it anyway. Gotta catch up myself.

He mentioned something about did I know of any painting classes, he'd like to do that with me. He knows I'm taking dancing lessons. So I mentioned walking. He seemed open to that.

Now I'm thinking, does this guy want ME to drive the tractor? Two dates and he's done with the planning? Maybe I'm being harsh, don't mean to be, but part of the fun in the beginning to me at least is the guy asking me out, planning it, you know.

So his limp suggestion is another piece of info I have...as my sister wrote me..."truth of the matter is that you don’t know any of these guys well enough to really make any determination of how you really feel about them. It’s too early, and I wouldn’t write any of them off, and give it time and see what happens.


"No one guy gives ya everything, so you pick and choose, and see what develops. I like the idea of Bob 2 keeping in touch, but if the convo is not interesting to you, perhaps you don’t want to “chat” so much. You really have to like a guy a lot to enjoy sitting there listening to their ADL’s and be entertained by mundane convo. That’s a little marker in itself. It is hard to come up with great convo quickly in a quick phone chat. Usually that develops as you get to know the person and can bring up subjects."


So, I'll let it go where it’s going, and time always tells. Either the feelings grow, diminish or stagnate, and that will be something only I can determine.

My question is this: how shall I handle his wanting me to "make a plan?" Has anyone else had this one come up?

Thanks! And Sheri, I didn't want to start my own thread, I think this was yours in the beginning, but I got started with all these Bobs here...hope it's ok, dear!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 8:14pm

I'll usually say in a flirty, joking way, "hey, you're the guy, it's your job to make the plans".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 9:54pm

<>

Now THAT'S funny.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 10:00pm

Fifth date tonight with Mike Brady...he got a sitter! HE made the plans, and got very happy when I announced my ex is coming to town to see the kids so I have Friday OFF. So now I have date number six already lined up!

So here is my epiphany of the weekend...what they all say: when it's working, you just know. I don't feel any need to ask Mr. Brady where I stand with him, he makes it pretty clear. It's quite a relief I must say.

I don't feel weird/giddy/walking on eggshells. I just feel good.

Keep crossing those fingers!