Can you move to a larger city where interracial dating is more accepted? I think not everyone is into that so just there, you have a smaller pool to choose from. Maybe you will have to try OLD--at least there you will know right away if the guy is open to dating someone from a diff. race.
Wow, that's kind of pathetic. I think there might be a problem w/ doing OLD where you are only seeking someone of a diff. race. If you attract guys for whom race doesn't really matter and they would date white/black/Asian, then that would be good. But you will probably attract a certain segment of men who aren't looking at you as a person but as a "representative", like you said "Hey, I've never dated a black girl before, let's see how that goes." And that would be off-putting.
I'm white and if I did OLD, I'd just put that I only want white guys. But I had this black male client--he's about 8 yrs older than me, a little older than I would put if I was on OLD, but he's a really nice guy, very handsome, very sharp dresser, has a good job, etc. and then I found myself thinking "gee, if this guy asked me out, I'd go" even though I have never dated a black man before. I hope I don't sound prejudiced, because I'm not, but most of my life I've spent married anyway, so not much dating. But my point was that I was seeing him as an individual person, not just generic "black guy" so I think if you met people in real life you might not have that problem.
I should go out with a guy regardless of any attraction or having anything in common other than race? That is the only thing that we need to have in common single and black?
The last guy is a nice guy. We have exchange email but they have all been black pride the white man is holding the black man back kind of thing. Most of time they talk of their love of jazz and gospel both of which I hate. And their love of god. I write back tell them I don't believe their such a thing as god. I know it is just coffee but encouraging affection for a man who holds a totally different values of the world than you is silly. I had a white guy write but he had a young child at home. I don't deal with kids. I don't like kids and would rather not date a guy who has one full time. Or the black guy in the apartment complex I live in who lives with his mother (and about 6 other people in a 2 bedroom apartment) who has been asking me out..... OK no he just wants to come over and watch a movie at my place. He play his music too loud. Maybe I should 'go out' with him? I mean we are both black and he is single. Or the fat guy who told me I should date fat guy. And he called himself fat. I had to agree. Or the guys with doo rags on? Gold teeth? Braids?
I like different type of music. I don't believe I should go see a movie just cause black people are in it. I don't read a book just cause a black person read it and I don't believe the white man is holding anyone back. And at what point does this just trying to fill a void? Going out with anyone who ask?
Have you tried Okcupid.com? You answer questions for the matching system, and there are over a thousand you can answer if you want. The purpose of this is to match you with similar values, beliefs, even interests to some degree. You can set your email filters so that only guys who match you, say, over 80% can write you. Personally I think it's the best matching system out there. The only real issue is that it attracts a certain demographic, but you seem to fall into it from what I can tell. I only date non-religious people too, only clean cut, responsible, primarily white guys in their 30's or early 40's. You might have better luck with it too.
So have you had any luck on this site? I was on it. I once again got men I just would never consider a good match. Mainly black men or white guys who live a couple of states over.
"I should go out with a guy regardless of any attraction or having anything in common other than race? That is the only thing that we need to have in common single and black?"
I think the point I was trying to make was the exact opposite of that--like the guys who are seeing you on OLD aren't seeing you as a person, just a "type."
I would agree that if those are the type of guys you are meeting, those are pretty slim pickings.
Ok after a certain age the pickings are very slim. The men who are single in their forties are the left overs after a clearance sale. It is sad. When I lived in a major city I wouldn't consider on line dating. Just get up and get out. But since I live so far. I do it. But the guys on line are the same guys I meet in this town. The clearance sale left overs. The guys no one wanted to begin with. Or maybe it is just me.
I'm over 50 so I know what you mean. My best friend is also divorced. She asked her brother if he didn't know any divorced guys that he could fix her up with and his answer was "there is a reason that most of those guys are divorced." I don't believe that w/ every one (after all, I'm divorced too) but it is a definite problem that many of the nice guys are married. Too bad you can't go back near a big city. I haven't really pursued OLD yet but just looking there are a lot of guys to choose from in my age group who don't seem too bad--of course I haven't met them in person yet.
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I would move away from this place if I could find a job in a major city.
Wow, that's kind of pathetic. I think there might be a problem w/ doing OLD where you are only seeking someone of a diff. race. If you attract guys for whom race doesn't really matter and they would date white/black/Asian, then that would be good. But you will probably attract a certain segment of men who aren't looking at you as a person but as a "representative", like you said "Hey, I've never dated a black girl before, let's see how that goes." And that would be off-putting.
I'm white and if I did OLD, I'd just put that I only want white guys. But I had this black male client--he's about 8 yrs older than me, a little older than I would put if I was on OLD, but he's a really nice guy, very handsome, very sharp dresser, has a good job, etc. and then I found myself thinking "gee, if this guy asked me out, I'd go" even though I have never dated a black man before. I hope I don't sound prejudiced, because I'm not, but most of my life I've spent married anyway, so not much dating. But my point was that I was seeing him as an individual person, not just generic "black guy" so I think if you met people in real life you might not have that problem.
I should go out with a guy regardless of any attraction or having anything in common other than race? That is the only thing that we need to have in common single and black?
The last guy is a nice guy. We have exchange email but they have all been black pride the white man is holding the black man back kind of thing. Most of time they talk of their love of jazz and gospel both of which I hate. And their love of god. I write back tell them I don't believe their such a thing as god. I know it is just coffee but encouraging affection for a man who holds a totally different values of the world than you is silly. I had a white guy write but he had a young child at home. I don't deal with kids. I don't like kids and would rather not date a guy who has one full time. Or the black guy in the apartment complex I live in who lives with his mother (and about 6 other people in a 2 bedroom apartment) who has been asking me out..... OK no he just wants to come over and watch a movie at my place. He play his music too loud. Maybe I should 'go out' with him? I mean we are both black and he is single. Or the fat guy who told me I should date fat guy. And he called himself fat. I had to agree. Or the guys with doo rags on? Gold teeth? Braids?
I like different type of music. I don't believe I should go see a movie just cause black people are in it. I don't read a book just cause a black person read it and I don't believe the white man is holding anyone back. And at what point does this just trying to fill a void? Going out with anyone who ask?
"I should go out with a guy regardless of any attraction or having anything in common other than race? That is the only thing that we need to have in common single and black?"
I think the point I was trying to make was the exact opposite of that--like the guys who are seeing you on OLD aren't seeing you as a person, just a "type."
I would agree that if those are the type of guys you are meeting, those are pretty slim pickings.
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